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Subject: A couple of old jokes, updated for today rss

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Dwayne Hendrickson
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So Obama, Hillary Clinton, & Biden were all in a boat out on Lake Michigan, just chilling before the election. Suddenly, the boat sprang a leak and started sinking. None of the three could swim and when they searched the boat, all they could find was one life jacket.

Since they were all three good Democrats, they decided that they should vote to see got to wear the life jacket. Hillary got some paper, Biden got some pens & Obama got a hat to toss the voting slips in.

They all voted in secret and when the votes were counted, Obama won by 15 votes.

***********************************************************************

Two Acorn workers were in a cemetary late one night, registering Democrat voters when one worker walked past a tombstone without writing down the name. The second worker said "Why aren't you registering that guy?"

"Look at his name," said the first. "It's Szyamaniskwalkinchowski. I'm not writing THAT down."

The second scowled at him, "You write it down, that guy has just as much right to vote as anyone else in this cemetary!"

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Jeff
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See, it's funny because Obama supports voter fraud.
 
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ExcitingJeff wrote:
See, it's funny because Obama supports voter fraud.


Tacit consent is the equivalent of support. And yes, the jokes were funny when I first heard them and they're still funny now.
 
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HAHA. Loved that joke when it was Bush in 2004.
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Craig Brooks
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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day..."
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MWChapel wrote:
HAHA. Loved that joke when it was Bush in 2004.


Wocka, Wocka, Wocka! Didn't we all get hit in the face with a cream pie then!?!



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Dwayne Hendrickson
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MWChapel wrote:
HAHA. Loved that joke when it was Bush in 2004.


I grew up in the Chicago area and these have been Chicago Democrat jokes since the 60's. The first was Kennedy, Daley & Humphrey (Daley wins). The second took place in a Chicago cemetary.

Leopards don't change their spots.
 
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okiedokie wrote:
MWChapel wrote:
HAHA. Loved that joke when it was Bush in 2004.


I grew up in the Chicago area and these have been Chicago Democrat jokes since the 60's. The first was Kennedy, Daley & Humphrey (Daley wins). The second took place in a Chicago cemetary.

Leopards don't change their spots.


Well I heard this joke back when Abraham Lincoln was running for president, so I win.
 
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King of All Simians — Not a Mere Diplomat
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For the love of Pete, don't hover the spoiler if you're not into awfulness!
A man and a woman walk into a talent agency. The man says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent couple acts. They're a little too cute."

The woman says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

Spoiler (click to reveal)
The man says, "First I come out, wearing a tuxedo, playing Brahms. Just as the music reaches a crescendo, she runs on stage and undresses me before dancing provocatively on top of the piano.

Just as I finish playing the song with my cock, she strips and does a backflip off the piano in a split on stage. Once her naked ass hits the floor, a couple of midgets rush on stage juggling flaming lawn darts. She does a handstand and catches the lawn darts in her pussy, she then manages to queef them out, making her the third part of this juggling act.

Then I get up and start punching her in the face. She's bleeding--but smiling all the time!--and blowing bubbles with the blood that gathers in her mouth. I lie down on my back, stick my feet in the air, and she spits the blood into my ass. I get back up and squat over the piano, shitting out blood with such force that I play the Flight of the Bumblebee. She's lying under the keyboard, collecting the shit and blood again, which she then blows up the nose of one of the midgets. The midget then blows the snotty, shitty blood back into my ass.

The second midget then reaches into my butt and grabs a good clot, which he hurls across the stage onto a canvas, making a bas-relief portrait of Ronald Reagan. She runs across the stage and stabs the midget to death, using his scalp to decorate the shit-snot-bloodclot portrait while I play Hail to the Chief using my prehensile hemorrhoids."

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the man says, "McCain/Palin '08!"
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Morgan Dontanville
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How 'bout this one:

A couple walk into the ACORN offices is Brooklyn looking for financial planning to buy a CoOp. Both of them make decent money but didn't think that they could ever afford an apartment in New York. The guy at ACORN says that they could afford it, helps them with their credit, helps to get them a loan and they ended up buying a place within their means. Later they sold the place, turned a profit and bought a bigger nicer apartment.
 
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Morgan Dontanville
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Holmes! wrote:

And the man says, "McCain/Palin '08!"


That's a maverick act.
 
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sisteray wrote:
Holmes! wrote:

And the man says, "McCain/Palin '08!"


That's a maverick act.


Drink!
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