Recommend
32 
 Thumb up
 Hide
19 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Chit Chat

Subject: So, I completely, totally lied today. rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Joe Gola
United States
Redding
Connecticut
flag msg tools
badge
and everything under the sun is in tune
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Here's the thing. There really ought to be a rule. You may not bring authentic Indian food leftovers into the office and reheat them in the microwave. Now, understand, I don't like to get all uncool and heavy on people. I don't want to limit their personal freedom of expression of lunch. However, at a certain point a person has to make a stand and say "let the world rage as it may outside these walls, but here, within, we shall have sanity."

The reason I am bringing all this up is that there was an insupportable funk in our office this afternoon, and it just wouldn't quit. It clung to everything like an ooze, it was like some kind of haunted oily miasma that wanted to rub up against your soul and taint it. It jumped out at you from behind corners. It bushwhacked you in remote alcoves. However delicious this concoction had been the night before, some vital force within it had quietly died in the darkness and was now embracing entropy with unsettling abandon.

I felt powerless and desperate. There were no windows to open, and a fan would only push the smell around, not get rid of it. Then it occurred to me: maybe I could replace the bad smell with a sort of a good smell? There were some oranges on the counter. What if I just cut one up and left it out? Wouldn't that help a little? So, idiotic as it sounds, I cut up an orange, left it on a plate, and walked away. That was my contribution to the office. No thanks necessary.

Some time later I was back in the kitchen and one of the other guys was there. He's a guy that I like, but he's ultra-curious (read: nosy) and he's a "riffer"—that is, one of those guys who, when he latches onto some little human foible or irony, will go on and on and on and you've got to just sit there and ride it out until he's run out of funny things to say.

"Uh...who cut up the orange?"

I knew that if I admitted to cutting up the orange, then I would have to explain why I cut up the orange, and if I explained why I cut up the orange, then there would be no end of hilarity taking place in the kitchen and I would probably get home late. So I lied.

"I dunno."

He was crushed. The mystery of the uneaten orange would remain a question mark forever, and it was my fault. I knew it was wrong. It was not an exaggeration, not an elision, it was a bald, fully meditated statement of the exact opposite of the truth. Some tiny piece of the world had spun off in the wrong direction and nothing would ever fix it, but it had to be done. It had to be done. Didn't it?
21 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mark Casiglio
United States
Ansonia
CT
flag msg tools
ConnCon 2018 March 23, 24, 25 in Stamford, CT
badge
Avatar
mbmbmb
I don't even know you anymore.
21 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Society of Watchers
United States
Killbuck
Ohio
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
shake

I don't know if I'll ever think the same about you.



God will forgive you. And so will we.

So, what's for lunch? devil
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
James Smith
Australia
Ashburton
Victoria
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I am shocked and horrified by this admission, so much so that I have been roused from my semi-lurker state!

Lying makes baby Jesus cry.

The question is did the orange get rid of the funk that was so funky that Parliament go "Damn that is funk is funky!"?
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
JessA
United States
Southwestern
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
That's MRS. McFoxFace to you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
One part of me wants to "riff" on this, but the nicer part wants to pass along two hints.

One is to boil the orange next time-- the odor will spread around better and faster. Cut it up and boil it in a bowl with water in the microwave.

Two is to get an old fashioned hanky, put some of your favorite cologne on it. When any smell gets too much, take a whiff of your hanky and it'll just look like you're wiping your nose.
15 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Kevin Larkin
United States
Woodside
New York
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
How are we to know you're telling the truth now?
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Josh
United States
flag msg tools
All my sins are of omission
badge
Snob of the People
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Gola wrote:
uncool and heavy
Neil, Young Ones.
6 
 Thumb up
0.15
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Gabe Alvaro
United States
Berkeley
California
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I do shit like this all the time. I call it "cultivating mystery".
12 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
The Steak Fairy
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
flag msg tools
Games? People still play games??
badge
Specious arguments are not proof of trollish intent.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Try to get some cloves in your office so that next time you can just stick them in the orange. I did this at my office several years back and it worked like a charm. This was at a time when the surname "Patel" was the most common one in our company directory, and lunches from home were commonplace. Rather than make a cute little face or something though, you can do what I did--use the cloves to spell "keep your stinky food out of the office." You'll need a big orange.
16 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mike Adams
United States
Brigham City
Utah
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
"You are cruising for a smiting."
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Ed Park
United States
Eugene
Oregon
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I agree totally with what you did. Lie Lie Lie, and my friend Sharma was asked to no longer heat up leftover fish heads with rice in the lunch room microwave anymore.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Joe Gola
United States
Redding
Connecticut
flag msg tools
badge
and everything under the sun is in tune
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Jatoha wrote:
Two is to get an old fashioned hanky, put some of your favorite cologne on it. When any smell gets too much, take a whiff of your hanky and it'll just look like you're wiping your nose.

It's cute that you think I have a favorite cologne or an old-fashioned hanky. What am I, Oscar Wilde? Why don't I just scent my frilly cuffs with lavender water, or conceal an atomizer in my waistcoat? Favorite cologne, indeed!
25 
 Thumb up
0.25
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Richard Hedke
United States
Gibraltar
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
Most problems can be solved with either a stiff drink, a bowel movement, or a bullet.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Well, in a round-about way can anyone ever really KNOW themselves? So technically it's not a lie.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Kevin Larkin
United States
Woodside
New York
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Gola wrote:
Jatoha wrote:
Two is to get an old fashioned hanky, put some of your favorite cologne on it. When any smell gets too much, take a whiff of your hanky and it'll just look like you're wiping your nose.

It's cute that you think I have a favorite cologne or an old-fashioned hanky. What am I, Oscar Wilde? Why don't I just scent my frilly cuffs with lavender water, or conceal an atomizer in my waistcoat? Favorite cologne, indeed!


Well said. It is well-known that you draw the line at the rosewater finger-bowl, so any attempt to besmirch your virility in this way was unfounded.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
除名山 蔵芽戸
Japan
Sendai
Miyagi
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
I still believe in you Joe!
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
JessA
United States
Southwestern
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
That's MRS. McFoxFace to you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Gola wrote:
Jatoha wrote:
Two is to get an old fashioned hanky, put some of your favorite cologne on it. When any smell gets too much, take a whiff of your hanky and it'll just look like you're wiping your nose.

It's cute that you think I have a favorite cologne or an old-fashioned hanky. What am I, Oscar Wilde? Why don't I just scent my frilly cuffs with lavender water, or conceal an atomizer in my waistcoat? Favorite cologne, indeed!


I forgot to mention that you could also just use your snuff powder. Of course, you probably already knew that!
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Steven Heinrich
United States
Fort Worth
Texas
flag msg tools
badge
Contact me to play a RPG forum game!!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb


Solution: Put the cologne on the ruffles. Not only will you look stylish, but it will help with the smell.

You're welcome.laugh
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Melissa
Australia
Parkville
Vic
flag msg tools
admin
designer
May you find the Perfect Shoe! xxx
badge
Mostly offline, but trying.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Jatoha wrote:
One part of me wants to "riff" on this, but the nicer part wants to pass along two hints.

One is to boil the orange next time-- the odor will spread around better and faster. Cut it up and boil it in a bowl with water in the microwave.


You and me, Jess, we're fixers.

We can't bear to just look, comment and walk away. We have to suggest new and creative ways to use the orange.

I was thinking wiping the microwave out with the orange might have been a plan. But boiling it - even better.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
JessA
United States
Southwestern
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
That's MRS. McFoxFace to you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
melissa wrote:
Jatoha wrote:
One part of me wants to "riff" on this, but the nicer part wants to pass along two hints.

One is to boil the orange next time-- the odor will spread around better and faster. Cut it up and boil it in a bowl with water in the microwave.


You and me, Jess, we're fixers.


oh geez, guilty as charged!! shake Does anyone need a boo-boo kissed?
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.