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Subject: Tales from the Duck Farmer - Lost Cities rss

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Duck Farmer
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Ziggurat City
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Lost Cities is a popular boardgame for 2 players, one of whom must be a Significant Other of the female persuasion who hates your hobby. The components consist of a set of cards cleverly designed to ensure that they could be almost (but not quite) replaced by a standard playing deck, and a board the purpose of which is to ensure the game is properly classified as a good not subject to excise duties. Lost Cities is designed by an obscure German who eschews abstract mechanics in the interest of immersive themes and it is in this capacity that the game doesn’t disappoint - it promises you an “Adventure into the Unknown” and boy does it deliver! You’ll be transported to the ever-shifting sands of the desert where you can quench your thirst for broken masonry and noseless sphinxes while ignoring half-buried treasures protected by weasels. In Neptune’s Realm you’ll swim with dolphins and turtles, reveling in your sense of superiority to those ancients who, for supposed masters of geometry, couldn’t sculpt feet in proportion to save their lives. You’ll freeze your nuts off in the Himalayas sheltering under the nostrils of the Buddha while praying he doesn’t sneeze, and hack your way through the Brazilian rainforest in search of vine-shrouded pyramids silently guarded by the sentinel of Priapzecoatl, the ancient Incan god of finger puppets. For the more daring, there’s even a trip to Mars where once and for all the ancient riddle of “Who built Stonehenge?” will be answered.

At the outset of the game, each player starts a series of expeditions financed by a handshake under a Tiffany lamp in a stately drawing room and witnessed by finalists from the Salvador Dali Moustache Twirling Competition and Sigmund Freud. The large painting on the wall accentuates the feeling that you are truly heading into places unknown where no explorer has ever been. Play progresses in a series of alternating turns during which you can take exactly one of the following actions:

* Play a card onto one of your expeditions in ascending order, replacing it with the top card from the draw pile which turns out to be a card of the same suit but one lower in value than the card you just played.

* Discard a card (replacing it with the top card from the draw pile which turns out to be a card of the same suit but one lower in value than the last card played on your most valuable expedition) and watch your Significant Other snatch it into her hand in 3 microseconds after the start of her turn.

* Take the last card from the draw pile thereby ending the game before your Significant Other can play the final 10 on her seven card, triple-handshake expedition.

When the last card is taken from the draw pile the games ends, but no job is finished until the paperwork is done and this is where Lost Cities really shines. Players determine their score by counting the hieroglyphs, ocelots, mussels,snowflakes, and menhirs depicted on their cards and calculating their eigenvalues. The player whose score is closest to the last two digits of the year of their most recent forgotten anniversary wins.

If you like this game, you may wish to explore the 4-player variant for those with multiple Significant Others. Alternatively, the game shares much in common with its spiritual twin Arkham Horror (check out the amphora next to the crab in Lost Cities or the markers for explored gates in Arkham Horror for convincing proof) and if you enjoy one you can be assured you’ll love the other.
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Eduard Navratil
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That jus made my day
 
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John Earles
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While I appreciate the humour in this we really need a Sarcasm/Satire/Parody category. This would confuse the heck out of someone who hasn't played the game.
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Krzysztof Budny
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Perfect!
Boxbacks should be covered with reviews like that!
 
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Duck Farmer
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jearles wrote:
While I appreciate the humour in this we really need a Sarcasm/Satire/Parody category. This would confuse the heck out of someone who hasn't played the game.

I figured that there were enough reviews of Lost Cities for those that really wanted to learn how to play the game.

But I appreciate your point. Once the admins create that category, I'm there baby!
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