Recommend
1 
 Thumb up
 Hide
8 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Chit Chat

Subject: Techno Tips: How to Set Your VCR's Clock rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Paul
United States
East Lansing
Michigan
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I wrote this a long while back and thought it just might fit in here. (If I'm wrong, at least I'll be able to see how fast a post can sink)

----
Back when you bought your VCR you may have been thrilled by the machine’s abilities. The salesperson had demonstrated how it could follow your every video whim, automatically changing channels and dutifully recording your favorite programs, even while you were away. It was truly impressive. But never was mentioned that first you would have to set the clock. That was quite a while ago. It's been flashing that damnable 12:00 at you ever since.

Certainly you have attempted to follow the cryptic diagrams and text in the owner's manual. It becomes painfully obvious that these instructions were not written for normal humans to comprehend. The endless 'Modes' and 'Menus' are enough to drive one mad. In fact, it has been rumored that nearly fifty percent of patients in mental hospitals today had attempted to set the clock on their VCR's within the month prior to their committal. Merely coincidence?

Don't despair, because it is still possible to set the clock on your VCR, and still retain your sanity. By following these simple instructions you can have the world of cable TV by the tail in just a short time!

What you have been lacking is the tool to accomplishing a task of a technical nature. What you need is a Techno-Weenie. No, that's not a special mail-order doohickey from Acme. It's a person who lives and breaths technology. A person who thinks in terms foreign to the rest of us and thrives on the inner workings of consumer electronics.

Your first step is to locate a Techno-Weenie (or 'TW'). There are two parts to locating a TW; knowing where to look, and what to look for. The best places to look for TWs are computer stores, high-end audio and video stores, and electronic swap meets. While swap meets have the largest concentration of TWs, it is recommended that the first timer avoid this. The shock of being in an environment of all TWs can be traumatic to the uninitiated.

Once at your selected location, you must identify a TW. Don't simply ask people if they are TWs, because this will scare them off, and also, because many are unaware that they are in fact TWs. While there are indeed female TWs, the vast majority are male. Also, the male TW is much easier to identify than the female, due to his typical characteristic of flaunting his expertise.

Wander about the shop, carefully listening to the conversations of prospective TWs. What you are listening for are key words such as: bandwidth, mega-anything, frequency response, satellite uplink, and phase-angle. (Browse through your VCR owners manual for more key terms.) If you hear more than two of these terms in a single sentence, congratulations! You have located a TW!

Now you must lure the TW to your home. Since, as previously mentioned, most TWs are male, how to accomplish this is somewhat gender biased:

Women, casually approach the TW with a gentle smile. Ask a question about something in the store. Appear impressed when he displays his technological plumage. Ask him over for a cup of coffee.

Men, under no circumstances try a line like "How 'bout them Lakers!" The world of the TW revolves around the electron and very little else. He will immediately feel uneasy and you will have to move on. Try starting a conversation about your stereo and its bass response. Mention that you are not sure if your "crossover" is properly aligned. This will peak his interest. Now ask him over for coffee and a listen to your latest digitally mastered CD.

Before the TW arrives at your home, you must do some slight preparation. Tidy the living room, and put a copy of "Stereo Review" on the coffee table to help make him feel at home. Have the owners manual for the VCR handy, but not out in the open. Don't worry, this is only for the use of the TW, you will not be required to read it. The VCR and its flashing 12:00 should be visible from where you will be entertaining the TW.

When the TW arrives serve him coffee and engage in light conversation. (Priming yourself with some of the articles in "Stereo Review" can help). There is no need to call direct attention to your VCR. TWs are genetically predisposed to noticing such matters. To them, it is much like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard to see technology improperly configured. Don't be suprised if the TW spontaneously jumps up and offers to set the clock on the VCR.

Under no circumstances should you directly ask the TW to set the time on your VCR. He will immediately feel used, and leave. Instead, casually glance over at your VCR and its flashing 12:00, then ask the TW if he knows the time.

If he doesn't offer to set your VCR at this point, excuse yourself, and allow him a few minutes in the room alone with only the VCR's flashing time to keep him company.

If this hasn't spurred him to offer, mention that your VCR refuses to record your favorite program. Giving a TW a problem to solve is a sure fire tactic, and your VCR will be set before you know it!

About now, you will start to realize that your Techno-Weenie isn't that bad a fellow after all. In fact, he's probably a pretty decent guy. So why not throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, sit down, and enjoy a video on your time-accurate VCR with your new found friend. (The clock on your microwave doesn't happen to be flashing, does it?)
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
True Blue Jon
United States
Vancouver
Washington
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
It's probably funnier in German.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
CHAPEL
United States
Round Rock
Texas
flag msg tools
badge
"that's a smith and wesson, and you've had your six"
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb


//Fulfilling pet peeves since 2003.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Paul
United States
East Lansing
Michigan
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
quozl wrote:
It's probably funnier in German.


I doubt it. But it might have been a _little_ funnier back when VCRs were still the rage.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dave Kudzma
United States
Millsboro
Delaware
flag msg tools
designer
People are...
badge
SPOCKED!!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Quote:
But it might have been a _little_ funnier back when VCRs were still the rage


What's a VCR then?
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Paul
United States
East Lansing
Michigan
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
locusshifter wrote:
Quote:
But it might have been a _little_ funnier back when VCRs were still the rage


What's a VCR then?


Vintage Cinema Re-viewer
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mystery McMysteryface
United States
Florida
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
LessPaul wrote:
locusshifter wrote:
Quote:
But it might have been a _little_ funnier back when VCRs were still the rage


What's a VCR then?


Vintage Cinema Re-viewer


Virulent Car Radio
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jeff Hinrickson
United States
St Paul
Minnesota
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmb
VCR = Vulcan Cock Ring
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.