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Subject: Spike Milligan rss

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Timothy Hunt
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St Louis
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oi_you_nutter reminded me of Spike Milligan. He'd certainly be the kind of person to appreciate Chit Chat, and I think Chit Chatters would appreciate him.

One of his poems:

Maveric Prowles
Had rumbling bowels
That thundered in the night.
It shook the bedrooms all around
And gave the folks a fright.

The doctor called;
He was appalled
When through his stethoscope
He heard the sound of a baying hound,
And the acrid smell of smoke.

Was there a cure?
'The higher the fewer'
The learned doctor said,
Then turned poor Maveric inside out
And stood him on his head.

'Just as I thought
You've been and caught
An Asiatic flu -
You musn't go near dogs I fear
Unless they come near you.'

Poor Maveric cried.
He went cross-eyed,
His legs went green and blue.
The doctor hit him with a club
And charged him one and two.

And so my friend
This is the end,
A warning to the few:
Stay clear of doctors to the end
Or they'll get rid of you.
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Tim P.
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So Fair is She

So fair is she!
So fair her face
So fair her pulsing figure

Not so fair
The maniacal stare
Of a husband who's much bigger.

Spike Milligan
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Tim P.
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some of his quotes:

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."

"And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected."

"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex."

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."

"Hi vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field
with weights tied to his scrotum."

"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."

"I can speak Esperanto like a native."

"I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge."

"I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it."

"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke."

"I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine."

"I'm a hero with coward's legs."

"In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife."

"Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order."

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."

"Money couldn't buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy."

"My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic."
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Marty M
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My favourite Milligan poem:-

People who live in glass houses
Should pull down the blinds when removing their trousers.

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The Steak Fairy
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I attended "An Evening with Spike Milligan," or whatever his appearance was called, in Dublin in 1998. Obviously an elderly man sitting around reminiscing is not quite the same as watching him in his prime, but he was a wonderfully humorous man, and I'm glad I got to hear him reminisce.
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Michael Barlow
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Two favourites, sobering but true:

Rabbits with eyes full of pus
Is the work of scientific us.



God created the night
But man created darkness.

 
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T. Nomad
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MisterCranky wrote:
I attended "An Evening with Spike Milligan," or whatever his appearance was called, in Dublin in 1998. Obviously an elderly man sitting around reminiscing is not quite the same as watching him in his prime, but he was a wonderfully humorous man, and I'm glad I got to hear him reminisce.


I got to see Sir Peter Ustinov like this--twice. I wouldn't trade those nights for anything.
 
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