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Subject: Help Matthew survive his first Chick Flick. rss

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Diane Close
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Last night a rather perturbed Matthew, age 11, joined us on our nightly walk. He's about to embark on a wonderful trip to Southern California with his entire family (mom, dad, sister age 15), so we wondered what could possibly be upsetting him...

"You're not worried about flying, are you?"

"No, not at all. This is much worse! You won't believe how bad it is!"

"Anything we can do to help?"

"No. Maybe. Mom says we have extra time near the end of our California vacation, so she's insisting we all go see a movie."

"Oh... But you like movies... How is this a bad thing?"

"She's insisting all of us -- my dad, my sister and me -- go see the same movie -- a romance film called The Proposal. There will be kissing and nudity and sex!!! Oh YUCK!!! I barely tolerate kissing in my superhero movies, and now I have to watch a whole two hours filled with that crap!!! I will never survive!!"

"Oh, yeah, that is bad."

"Not only do I have to watch people kissing, but my dad will be there, and my sister!! Oh, the horror!! I have to watch a romance movie with my sister!!" yuk

"So, have you told your mom how you feel?"

"Yes. She said she's had to watch all my superhero movies, so now I have to watch one she likes. I told her she got to watch kissing in Wolverine, so what's the problem? But she says too bad, it's not the same, and dad says I have to go. Oh, this is terrible!! How will I survive?!"

Help us, ChitChat, you're our only hope! Matthew needs tips for surviving his first Chick Flick. I suppose it is some benefit to get this "training" done early, though it could backfire...

Paul and I suggested that the only sensible thing to do in a situation like this was to insist that your mom buy you the Super Big Gulp-size extra-fizzy drink, and make sure you have a straw too. This combination should produce the maximum intake of air required to produce forceful burps at just the "right moment"...

"Oh, John, I love you! Kiss me!" John leans in closer and...
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!"

Fake flatulence is good too...

"Oh, Julie, you dropped your handkerchief. Let me bend over and get it for you...
FFFFAAAAARRRRTTTTT!!!"

We were cracking Matthew up, all walk long, with suggestions like these. In the end, as funny as he thought it would be, he realized that if he implemented this he'd probably be in BIG TROUBLE and get some privileges revoked. But it's funny thinking of things like this, nonetheless! [COLOR=#F4F4FF]
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CHAPEL
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He should run away and become a carny. It's the only cool solution at this point.
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David Matchen
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I had much the same reaction, at the age of 31, to "Kate & Leopold," though, to my eternal shame, I stopped short of the fake flatulence.

As a general rule, my tolerance for chick flicks is directly proportional to the hotness of the date. She scored a trifecta composed of "Kate & Leopold," "Moulin Rouge!" and "Legally Blonde" on me.
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My wife sneaked up behind me while I was working in the garden. I was so startled I soiled myself.
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I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not, and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am.
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I’m thinking that these are actually good -- or at least reasonable -- suggestions. But first, he should suggest a compromise: If they are at a multi-screen theater, while his mom and sister watch The Proposal, he and his dad could go see something that would appeal to males, then they can all meet up after the movies, and everyone is happy.

If his mom rejects this idea, then he should feel free to proceed with the plan of disrupting the movie with frequent expulsions of gas, bugging his mom for more popcorn, loudly asking what’s going on every few minutes (especially at romantic points -- “Why are they touching each other like that? Do you and Daddy touch like that? Is that why you lock your bedroom door? Is he spreading the pollen on her now? Is this what you and Daddy call ‘Hot Monkey Love’?”), and so forth. If he’s lucky, his dad will take him out of the theater until the movie is over, so neither one of them will have to watch it -- a real win/win.

(Unless his dad is so completely PW that he wants to see that movie -- then the kid will have bigger problems. It’s one thing for a guy to pretend to like romantic movies while on a date, and during the first few years of marriage, but by the time the couple have children in double-digit ages he should have dropped the charade long before. )

Honestly, I can’t imagine why any parent in their right mind would force an 11-year-old boy to watch a chick flick. At that age a boy can barely tolerate the hero kissing the girl at the end of some action movie. If he manages to completely disrupt the rest of the family’s enjoyment of the movie, then Yes, he will be in big trouble afterwards, but I bet they don’t try that again. In effect he will teach them a lesson they should already have learned about what types of movies are appropriate at what age.
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Amy Wiles
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My general principle is "Just Say No To Chick Flicks."
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Scott Lewis
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Maybe if he watches the movie, pretending that the lovers are the bad guys with the power to nauseate on sight, and that the "good guy" is whoever is trying to break up that romance?

Of course, then it will have a "bad guy wins" ending, most likely, but hey, it's not about the ending here, it's about the journey, right?
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Tell him that there are worse sacrifices than watching a film with kissing. His mother took him to watch films she didn't like. He can suck it up and be nice.

Also, he'll appreciate the nudity later.
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Samuel Sol
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Drew1365 wrote:
A quality Rom Com is usually tolerable by men. Especially if Sandra Bullock is present.


There are few things in life I disagree more than this. Two of them are Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller.
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My wife sneaked up behind me while I was working in the garden. I was so startled I soiled myself.
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I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not, and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am.
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Drew1365 wrote:

Quote:
(Unless his dad is so completely PW that he wants to see that movie . . . )


Hey, it DOES have Sandra Bullock.


I was unaware of that fact when I wrote that. In that case his dad can go see The Proposal, wear earplugs, and enjoy watching Sandra Bullock. Doesn't matter what she -- or anybody else in the picture -- says, Ms. Bullock is best appreciated visually.

Unfortunately, that leaves Matthew to go watch Transformers or Ice Age or Up by himself.....

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I have no desire to impugn young Matthew's virility, but when I was age 11, I would have killed to see a movie with any kind of nudity. And it's not like my hormones were raging at that age yet. And even though sex scenes in front of my parents might have been a little embarrassing, I still would have loved to see one to clear up some questions that lingered after The Talk.

Really, my only concern would have been that I had a bucket of popcorn or something to keep in my lap as a matter of privacy. Otherwise, that would have been embarrassing.

BTW, I checked out The Proposal on IMDB. They'll be plenty of kissing and some scantily dressed stars, but no real naughty bits are shown (although some are barely covered in a few scenes). Also, there appears to be no sex, simulated or otherwise, shown on screen. After all, it's only PG-13. So tell Matthew that it might not be as bad as he fears.

I also find it interesting that we live in an age in which a young boy feels totally comfortable discussing the concept of sex in front of adults. Despite my enthusiasm to see such things at that age (or maybe because of that), I would have been mortified to talk about them. But now, it seems that kids are much less affected by this, possibly because they are surrounded by these images at an early age. It might be good and it might be bad, but it sure seems different from the days of my youth.
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Diane Close
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claymore_57 wrote:
...In that case his dad can go see The Proposal, wear earplugs, and enjoy watching Sandra Bullock. Doesn't matter what she -- or anybody else in the picture -- says, Ms. Bullock is best appreciated visually.


Pssst, she's naked in this film too!!!
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Diane Close
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Larry Levy wrote:
I also find it interesting that we live in an age in which a young boy feels totally comfortable discussing the concept of sex in front of adults.


His parents are biologists, so the "facts of life" have been common knowledge around their place from infancy. Both kids are really well-adjusted, well-mannered, responsible young people, and fun to be around. Matthew just occasionally comes out with these typical "kid crises" that crack us up, and sometimes I share 'em with ChitChat. (Probably to his horror.)

Larry Levy wrote:
I have no desire to impugn young Matthew's virility, but when I was age 11, I would have killed to see a movie with any kind of nudity.


Matthew just "discovered" that he had his first crush on a girl** in his class on the last day of class! Nothing like the prospect of 3 months of not seeing someone to bring to the forefront the realization that you are really going to miss them.

A couple weeks ago, while informing us of the existence of his crush (she had driven by in a van and he was mortified at the prospect of being seen looking her way), he said he wanted to ask us A Very Important Question that required A Serious Answer, and would we please give him one? Of course!

What he wanted to know was, by the time he was old enough to get a real girlfriend, would there actually be females out there who would share his interests? He was most concerned that his future girlfriend be someone who liked comic books. And was this possible? Did any girls exist that liked comic books?!

We reminded him of the many female comic book artists present at The Source on Free Comic Book Day, and told him that no matter what his interests are at the time he gets a "real girlfriend", if it was important to him that she share his interests, even if it's comic books, then that's definitely possible. There are as many women out there as there are interests. So if he's looking for that, he'll find them.

He was much relieved and said that he was worried that interest in comic books and comic book heroes might be limited to "moms", as his mom was the only female that he knew who read comic books.

**Funny bit: he says he's not going to tell us the name of his crush because "it's just a crush". He says when he gets a real girlfriend, then he'll make sure everyone knows her name. Too cute!
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Samuel Sol
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pdclose wrote:
He was most concerned that his future girlfriend be someone who liked comic books. And was this possible? Did any girls exist that liked comic books?!


Reading this my first thought was: "damn, another nerd that won't find a gf. Hello high school, did you miss me?"

Quote:

**Funny bit: he says he's not going to tell us the name of his crush because "it's just a crush". He says when he gets a real girlfriend, then he'll make sure everyone knows her name. Too cute!


And then I read this and realized that he will be fine. Kid already have the needed jerkiness in him . Well done parents, well done
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Taking an 11-year old to a movie that he really doesn't want to see just seems to be asking for trouble. Why bother? It's not like he needs to see it. It's not medicine or the dentist or his homework. It's just a movie. Let him see something else. At that age, there are enough distasteful things that you have to force your kids to do that you shouldn't add unnecessary ones. In fact, I would question why parents would even let their 11-year old child see a PG-13 movie, let alone force him to.

Okay, I'm now off my soapbox. Burp away, soldier!
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Just watch Twilight. It's like a lobotomy.
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pdclose wrote:
We reminded him of the many female comic book artists present at The Source on Free Comic Book Day, and told him that no matter what his interests are at the time he gets a "real girlfriend", if it was important to him that she share his interests, even if it's comic books, then that's definitely possible.

Why would you lie to him like that!?
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Samuel Sol
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DarthXaos wrote:
kuhrusty wrote:
pdclose wrote:
We reminded him of the many female comic book artists present at The Source on Free Comic Book Day, and told him that no matter what his interests are at the time he gets a "real girlfriend", if it was important to him that she share his interests, even if it's comic books, then that's definitely possible.

Why would you lie to him like that!?


Exactly. Should have told him the cold hard truth, that yes, there are girls that like comic books, but most of them are fat, resulting in MASSIVE competition over the few hot ones, so unless he's really alpha, he won't stand a chance.


Look, the boy has already said that the crush will be kept silent until it becomes "official". That is alpha behavior right there.
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