I'll take Manhattan in a garbage bag. With Latin written on it that says "It's hard to give a shit these days"
For added entertainment, go look for a place that explains how many injections and IVs each racer receives every day of the Tour. A body is not designed to do that much exercise. Even with major medical involvement, it's still a challenge to last all three weeks without losing 20 minutes on a bad day. There's just no recovery time for the body to keep up, even when they bypass the digestive system and stick large amounts of nutrients by IV.
The miracles of the 90s and early 00s, with Armstrong, Riis, Pantani, Indurain and the like cannot be done without breaking the rules.