A "Seafaring Halfling" approaches you as you walk along the beach. In his furry little hands is a particularly soggy copy of Small World. "Hello, tall one. Answer a few questions and I will predict your future! First, do you and your enormous friends enjoy combat oriented games?"
A) There is no joy greater than laying waste to 1-4 of my closest friends and loudly declaring my superiority! Go to #3.
B) I am a peace loving hippie type that hates conflict of all forms. Instead of a war game, a nice campfire with folk songs and "cooperative cookie construction" sounds like a better evening. Go to #1.
C) Obligatory answer between extremes of A and B. As an aside, those choosing the above options may need some help. Go to #2.
#1 "I see in your future that you will live a happy life without this game, as it clearly is not for you. You will continue on your path, and fortune will smile upon you. Or maybe not."
#2 "How do you feel about games with a lot of "jump on the leader" where opponents can gang up on who they think is winning?"
A) I hate games like that with a burning passion. Go to #1.
B) Not a big fan of that, but I tolerate it fine. Go to #3.
C) A small price to pay for games that keep everyone's score close and gives anyone a chance to win. Go to #4.
#3 "Do you enjoy a fantasy setting?"
A) If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time and stop Tolkien from ever writing the Lord of the Rings. Go to #1.
B) I LARP every weekend as a Dark Elf. Go to #5.
C) Meh, it's been done before, but why not? Go to #4.
#4 "Is replayability important to you?"
A) It's not bad, but I rarely play a game more than a few times before moving on. Go to #6.
B) I only expect a few hundred replays before I feel like I've gotten my money's worth. Go to #5.
#5 "I see you going to your local game store and buying this game immediately. Its immense replayability will continually astonish you for the rest of your days, and its solid components will be passed down through your generations. You will speak of days "Before Small World" as your "Dark Ages" that were the wasted years of your life. Or maybe you'll just have a really good time with a fun board game."
#6 "Are you willing to spend 40-50 bucks on a game with good (but not great) components?"
A) For a Days of Wonder game? Definitely! Go to #5.
B) That is a bit steep for a game with cardboard counters instead of miniatures. Go to #7.
C) I was walking on this beach looking for pennies, and I'm a few thousand short of being able to afford that. Go to #1.
#7 "Your future is very unclear. You shall seek out a friend, and you shall play this game, and you shall decide then. The mists swirl heavily and obscure your future. Or something."
Gender: pot*ato. My opinion is an opinion.
Nice. You could have mentioned skeletons with cowboy hats, but your clever adventure path thing will guide potential buyers.
I got to #5, although I felt that this review was inaccurate. There's no waste laying of any sort in this game. Your enemies will just pop back with a different civ. What I need is to beat them down so hard that they will cry like a baby whose candy has been ripped from it's hands, and then give them a wedgie and shove them into the girls' bathroom.
Style Over Substance
"In loving memory of Mariel."
Excellently done. The most entertaining review I've read in awhile. Maybe a few pictures from the game mixed in next time to add some extra spice?