Recommend
22 
 Thumb up
 Hide
33 Posts
1 , 2  Next »   | 

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Chit Chat

Subject: What I've Learned Here in Heaven (So Far) rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
The Steak Fairy
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
flag msg tools
Games? People still play games??
badge
Specious arguments are not proof of trollish intent.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Well, it's not really even a full day since I died, but now that I'm dead I'm going to flaunt convention and just communicate freely with the "living" (really, it's hard to use that term meaningfully in relation to you people.) It occurs to me from my new perspective of omniscience and unity with the cosmos that a little nudge in the right direction would be useful to some of you. With that in mind, some things you might want to try:

1) Have a weenie roast using oleander branches as skewers. Anything you've heard about this is an old wives' tale, I'm sure.

2) Ground glass makes an EXCELLENT seasoning for scrambled eggs. No, really, it's just like having a sandy tuna sandwich at the beach, only tastier. You should do about a teaspoon a day.

3) Neither Martin Wallace nor John Bohrer is presently scheduled to get to heaven. Apparently they both pissed off the wrong authorities. With John it was the name of Age of Scheme, although a lot of folks up here thought that was extremely witty, myself included. With Martin it was apparently unrelated--it seems that God, Jesus, and The Holy Ghost played Tempus once. Anyway, to avoid their fate, don't design board games. (Stephen Glenn is a favorite up here, though, and he's safe. So far. I was truly amazed to see the special Balloon Cup Plaza right next to the Waffle Grotto.)

4) When you decide to pray, it's perfectly acceptable to just go out in traffic and kneel in the street. Roads and highways spread the love faster, or something.

5) Storing your spray paint under the gas furnace is a great way to save space.

6) The inevitable destruction of the United States turns out to have NOTHING to do with terrorism. Congratulations on your eventual Nobel prize, Toggy, it's just too bad that the planet won't live long enough to realize exactly what you created. Of course, since your genetically modified dormouse is in fact the cause of mankind's extinction it's hard to feel sorry for you.

7) Peanut allergies are a myth. You can will yourself to eat peanuts. Try to do this far from civilization, in total solitude, for superior concentration potential.

Anyway, I'll miss you all, but not for long.

8) Moses doesn't like typos, and he was irritated when I told him I wasn't ever going to bother with them, so just to shut the big gasbag up (yeah, Moses, I get it: You were a key player) I fixed the typo Amy found.
31 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
The Steak Fairy
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
flag msg tools
Games? People still play games??
badge
Specious arguments are not proof of trollish intent.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
No, but I'm just a being of pure energy now, so I can do all sorts of neat tricks.
12 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
United States
Plainwell
Michigan
flag msg tools
Mi cabasa esta muy verde
badge
Et in Vantasia ego
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
MisterCranky wrote:
No, but I'm just a being of pure energy now, so I can do all sorts of neat tricks.


soblue *sniff* *sniff* Just like Jeff Goldblum *sniff* *sniff* cry
12 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
How tall is justice?
Canada
Georgetown
Ontario
flag msg tools
Who IS this masked man? And WHY has he never been photographed together with 6 year old millionaire playboy Calvin?
badge
I see a world that's tired and scared of living on the edge too long.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I've heard there's a shortage of chairs...
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Knock knock open up the door it's Riel
Netherlands
Tilburg
It's wurples all the way down.
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Clockmakers lie
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I'm glad you're still looking down on us... you know, from heaven.
8 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Amy Wiles
United States
Macon
Georgia
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
MisterCranky wrote:
7) Peanut allergies are a myth. You can will yourself to eat peanuts. Try to do this far from civilizaton, in total solitude, for superior concentration potential.


Excellent! I'll have to try this tonight. But I'm a little confused. Where's "civilizaton?" I'll just have to try it in my home. If you don't hear from me tomorrow morning... well... See you soon Cranky!

3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
If Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Then Actions x2 Speak Louder Than Actions
United States
Las Vegas
Nevada
flag msg tools
badge
One of the Original Twelve
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I've heard that it's not too far away.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
João 'Finding a new way to make you WTF today' Marum
Portugal
Loulé
Algarve
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
MisterCranky wrote:
Anyway, I'll miss you all, but not for long.


You're going to reload, aren't you, you sneaky person you.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Morgan Dontanville
United States
Charlottesville
VA
flag msg tools
designer
publisher
Plate of Shrimp.
badge
Here we are folks, the dream we all dream of.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Is there a line for the restroom?
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
The Steak Fairy
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
flag msg tools
Games? People still play games??
badge
Specious arguments are not proof of trollish intent.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
amwiles wrote:

Excellent! I'll have to try this tonight. But I'm a little confused. Where's "civilizaton?" I'll just have to try it in my home. If you don't hear from me tomorrow morning... well... See you soon Cranky!


One thing I learned from my first post-demise post was that I no longer care about typos. Well, my own that is. At first I thought I did, but after editing the post I realized I don't. So, good catch, Amy, and way to stay vital.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Robert Wesley
Nepal
Aberdeen
Washington
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mb
Hey! Would you see about getting ME some "front row seats" AND "backstage passes" for their TOTALLY *sweet* "Rock & Roll" sections there? Who'd be performing for this anyways? oh and:
"Hey GRAMPA! What's for SUPPER?"
robot
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
The Steak Fairy
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
flag msg tools
Games? People still play games??
badge
Specious arguments are not proof of trollish intent.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I'm going to the Waffle Grotto tonight for dinner and a concert, GROG. The first act on the bill is Jerry Garcia, backed by John Bonham, Brent Mydland, and featuring Miles Davis on the horn. I am looking forward to it. The headliners are mostly from Lynyrd Skynyrd, but they're not allowed to call themselves that, because Moses threw some sort of hissy fit about the spelling.
9 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Billy McBoatface
United States
Lexington
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
KGS is the #1 web site for playing go over the internet. Visit now!
badge
Yes, I really am that awesome.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Hey cranky, now that you're a being of pure energy I assume you can't feel pain any more. So does it still sting when you try to suck beverages up your nose? Or can you do that all day long now with no real problem?
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
United States
Plainwell
Michigan
flag msg tools
Mi cabasa esta muy verde
badge
Et in Vantasia ego
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
joebelanger wrote:
I've heard that it's not too far away.


We are closer to it every day.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
True Blue Jon
United States
Vancouver
Washington
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Yay! Cranky made it!
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
The Steak Fairy
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
flag msg tools
Games? People still play games??
badge
Specious arguments are not proof of trollish intent.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
wmshub wrote:
Hey cranky, now that you're a being of pure energy I assume you can't feel pain any more. So does it still sting when you try to suck beverages up your nose? Or can you do that all day long now with no real problem?


Oddly enough, there's no aspect of my being that you could even call a "nose" any more. This doesn't mean I can't still sniff out disingenuous questions. What you really want to know is how's the sex up here. Sorry, but get busy while you're still corporeal, if you catch my drift.
7 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Billy McBoatface
United States
Lexington
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
KGS is the #1 web site for playing go over the internet. Visit now!
badge
Yes, I really am that awesome.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
MisterCranky wrote:
This doesn't mean I can't still sniff out disingenuous questions. What you really want to know is how's the sex up here. Sorry, but get busy while you're still corporeal, if you catch my drift.
So heaven is like marriage, but longer? Dang.

Apologies to my wife in case she ever reads this. Honey, it's a joke! Really!
9 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Diane Close
United States
Twin Cities
Minnesota
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
MisterCranky wrote:
... What you really want to know is how's the sex up here. Sorry, but get busy while you're still corporeal, if you catch my drift.


Uhm, I hate to break it to you... but you're not in heaven...

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Samuel Sol
Brazil
São Paulo
SP
flag msg tools
admin
All engines full to awesome land!
badge
*tap* *tap* Is this thing on?
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
MisterCranky wrote:
This doesn't mean I can't still sniff out disingenuous questions. What you really want to know is how's the sex up here. Sorry, but get busy while you're still corporeal, if you catch my drift.


Wish I could find the strip that proves you ain't in heaven. Since I don't have it I will just transcribe:

Calvin and Hobbes wrote:
Calvin: Hobbes, what do you think it happens when you die?
Hobbes: I think we go play in an all-girl cabaret in New Orleans.
Calvin: So you believe in heaven?
Hobbes: Call it what you like.



wmshub wrote:
Apologies to my wife in case she ever reads this. Honey, it's a joke! Really!


Too Late
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Kendrick Martin
United States
Portland
OR
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmb
So do thumbs finally mean something up there?
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
pronoblem baalberith
United States
Pleasantville
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Is it just me or do my balls itch?
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
How is the beer?
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
SAKURA in KYOTO 2018 Back to Kansai
England
York
North Yorkshire
flag msg tools
admin
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Cranky, when the tea break is over, do you really have to stand on your head?
7 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
King of All Simians — Not a Mere Diplomat
United States
Wilmington
Select State
flag msg tools
designer
I love you.
badge
I love you.
Avatar
mb
FLOUT!
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
King of All Simians — Not a Mere Diplomat
United States
Wilmington
Select State
flag msg tools
designer
I love you.
badge
I love you.
Avatar
mb
pronoblem wrote:
How is the beer?

They turned it all into wine. (Awwww...)
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Geeky McGeekface
United States
Manassas
Virginia
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Best hobby, with the best people in the world. Gaming is the best!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I'm surprised Moses is such douchebag over spelling, given that he never used vowels when he was alive. Oh well, maybe he's still pissed off over losing out on that whole "Chosen People" thing.

Can beings of pure energy play Twister? Can they cheat?

See if you can sneak a copy of Automobile onto God's game shelf, Josh (or whatever your name is now). Maybe that'll improve Martin's chances of taking the "up" escalator. I'd hate to see Hell continue to get all the good game designers.

Have fun waiting for Ragnarok, O Heavenly Being. Watch out for snakes!
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
1 , 2  Next »   | 
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.