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Subject: Cheating or not? rss

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J
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Poll
Your girlfriend/partner/SO is out with her girlfriends. They run into a guy on the street who is described as "hot" and he starts hitting on them. One of your SO's friends acts interested in him. The guy invites your SO's friend to a party but she's going to be out of town. The friend tells him, "I'm going to be out of town, but (your SO) will be here." Then your SO gives him her phone number.

Is your SO:
Cheating on you by giving him her number while in a committed relationship
Not cheating, but wrong to give her number out to interested guys
Didn't do anything wrong, it's just a phone number
      140 answers
Poll created by jarredscott78
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Mystery McMysteryface
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jarredscott78 wrote:
Poll
Your girlfriend/partner/SO is out with her girlfriends. They run into a guy on the street who is described as "hot" and he starts hitting on them. One of your SO's friends acts interested in him. The guy invites your SO's friend to a party but she's going to be out of town. The friend tells him, "I'm going to be out of town, but (your SO) will be here." Then your SO gives him her phone number.

Is your SO:
Cheating on you by giving him her number while in a committed relationship
Not cheating, but wrong to give her number out to interested guys
Didn't do anything wrong, it's just a phone number
      140 answers
Poll created by jarredscott78


I picked the "cheating" option but I think I really need more information on the length and commitment level of your relationship with your GF/SO/Partner.

I'd also need to know if you two have had a conversation about what is acceptable and not acceptable in regards to the opposite sex. Again, what would both of you consider as cheating?

Lots more questions need to be answered before a proper assessment can be given.

I'm withdrawing my "cheating" vote, holding out for more information first.

MMB
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Marc P
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Aw, lighten up and vote, MMB. Jarred's not going to base a life decision on a stupid poll.
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Chad Ellis
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Everything depends on context. Any or none of the poll answers might be correct.
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Andrew Gross
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Chad_Ellis wrote:
Everything depends on context. Any or none of the poll answers might be correct.


That may be the case, but it would be the end of the relationship for me regardless.
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David desJardins
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There are various implications here, but no actual facts that amount to more than, she gave him her number so he could let her know where the party is. Where's the fire? For all we know from the story, she's planning to bring you along to the event.
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slowcorner wrote:
Aw, lighten up and vote, MMB. Jarred's not going to base a life decision on a stupid poll.


Yeah, and, um, I'm just asking for a friend...blush

Actually the scenario is real and I am asking for a friend. There is always a lot of this type of drama with guys on military deployments. His SO would never read BGG (I hope).

As I understand it, she ended up talking to the guy but not going to the party.

Thanks for the feedback.
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Lawson
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jarredscott78 wrote:
slowcorner wrote:
Aw, lighten up and vote, MMB. Jarred's not going to base a life decision on a stupid poll.


Yeah, and, um, I'm just asking for a friend...blush

Actually the scenario is real and I am asking for a friend. There is always a lot of this type of drama with guys on military deployments. His SO would never read BGG (I hope).

As I understand it, she ended up talking to the guy but not going to the party.

Thanks for the feedback.


I think it's entirely possible for this to be completely innocent. After all, somebody can be conventionally considered "hot" without necessarily being a tempting morsel for any given person. Also, giving a phone number with the intention of getting more information about an upcoming party might well mean nothing. (When I was working for pay, I gave out my business card all the time, and it certainly wasn't a signal for anything other than "Here's how to get in touch with me if you want me to do some work for you.")

With that said, it might mean something -- perhaps she was hoping that this guy would call her and start off some illicit one-on-one communication.

It's impossible to know whether the intentions were innocent or not based on the information provided. The best info, to my mind, comes from the answer to the following question: Did she try to hide this from her SO?

If so, then it's more likely that this was shady, though still not definitive. If she didn't try to hide it, then my odds are hugely on "it meant nothing".
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Matthew Kloth
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My wife is allowed to talk to whomever she wants. She can have male friends, even hot ones. She also doesn't have to wear a burka.
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The Steak Fairy
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MusedFable wrote:
My wife is allowed to talk to whomever she wants. She can have male friends, even hot ones. She also doesn't have to wear a burka.


She wears the burka when she's with Jarred, though. They like to role play.
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Michelle Martino
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What? Roleplaying?


Giving out a number is nowhere near cheating. We have a jealous crowd according to those results.
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Ernest Roth

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jarredscott78 wrote:
slowcorner wrote:
Aw, lighten up and vote, MMB. Jarred's not going to base a life decision on a stupid poll.


Yeah, and, um, I'm just asking for a friend...blush

Actually the scenario is real and I am asking for a friend. There is always a lot of this type of drama with guys on military deployments. His SO would never read BGG (I hope).

As I understand it, she ended up talking to the guy but not going to the party.

Thanks for the feedback.


Tell me about it brother! And everytime I see dudes going through the whole "Jody" thing downrange it makes me glad I am single.

By the way, I voted that the SO was wrong to give out the phone number, but not cheating. Of course as we like to say in the army "Preceptions are reality", so it is possible the SO was seriously thinking about a hook up.

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Mrs MusedFable wrote:
What? Roleplaying?


Giving out a number is nowhere near cheating. We have a jealous crowd according to those results.


It was intentionally vague. Some people would consider it "emotional cheating."
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Lynette
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My call would be... if she feels comfortable telling her boyfriend about the event it isn't at all an issue. If she feels uncomfortable telling him they probably have a problem of some sort they need to work out.

It is all about context.

I could and did have many hour conversations and go out to events with other guys when I was in serious relationships. Most of my friends are men. Sometimes hot men and certainly always men I find interesting on some level.

However when I am in a committed monogamous relationship - sexually - the world becomes a place with my man and other people. Gender ceases to be the issue because I am not going to ever going to "cheat" on the person I am committed too. So guy friends are no more threat to him than girl friends.

If something starts to feel illicit than I know it is something I need to avoid. If it feels comfortable and I have no qualms about telling my partner about it than it is not cheating even if I spend a lot of time with another person.

I certainly wouldn't have any qualms about giving out my number as part of playing wingman for another girl. But I would have told my guy about it, not only because I wouldn't be trying to hide anything from him but also because it would be an interesting story to share.
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Chad Ellis
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andrewgr wrote:
Chad_Ellis wrote:
Everything depends on context. Any or none of the poll answers might be correct.


That may be the case, but it would be the end of the relationship for me regardless.


But that's no doubt because of the context you set in your own relationships. My point isn't that it's OK (or not OK) but that cheating isn't really defined by actions but by agreement (or at least expectations) and the violation thereof.

Some people have very clear and close boundaries because that's what works for them. Others have limited or virtually no boundaries because that's what works for them.

My best rule for "is it cheating" doesn't look at the action at all. It's, "How comfortable would I be telling my wife that I did this?"
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Colleen
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All I can say is - hot guy...got her phone number. It may not be cheating today, but cheating relationships need to start somewhere.
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David desJardins
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colleens wrote:
All I can say is - hot guy...got her phone number. It may not be cheating today, but cheating relationships need to start somewhere.


Now that's the line of thought that leads to the burqah.
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Richard Hefferan
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DaviddesJ wrote:
colleens wrote:
All I can say is - hot guy...got her phone number. It may not be cheating today, but cheating relationships need to start somewhere.


Now that's the line of thought that leads to the burqah.


That's as offensive and nonsensical as if I said allowing your SO to give out her phone number to hot guys leads to syphilis.

I know you like to mischaracterize your opposition David, but broad generalizations get old. You draw offense when you're the butt end of them, I fail to understand why you partake so frequently.
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Snowball
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colleens wrote:
All I can say is - hot guy...got her phone number. It may not be cheating today, but cheating relationships need to start somewhere.

I'm right there with you. That's why I keep the wife chained in the basement. I bought her an UV lamp though.
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The Steak Fairy
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Shushnik wrote:
DaviddesJ wrote:
colleens wrote:
All I can say is - hot guy...got her phone number. It may not be cheating today, but cheating relationships need to start somewhere.


Now that's the line of thought that leads to the burqah.


That's as offensive and nonsensical as if I said allowing your SO to give out her phone number to hot guys leads to syphilis.

I know you like to mischaracterize your opposition David, but broad generalizations get old. You draw offense when you're the butt end of them, I fail to understand why you partake so frequently.


Please don't stifle David's forays into humor. He's getting quite good at it, and thin-skinned reactions such as yours will only serve to discourage him.
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Richard Hefferan
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MisterCranky wrote:
Please don't stifle David's forays into humor. He's getting quite good at it, and thin-skinned reactions such as yours will only serve to discourage him.


My sincerest apologies. BGG is blocked at my workplace, and I've been only rarely following RSP for a few months now. I wasn't aware David had a sense of humor in the slightest. I had no idea it was a growing, fragile thing. Please disregard my comment.
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David desJardins
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Shushnik wrote:
That's as offensive and nonsensical as if I said allowing your SO to give out her phone number to hot guys leads to syphilis.


OK, maybe I don't get it. I'm pretty serious here. I thought Colleen was expressing the idea that allowing unfamiliar men to socialize with women is a necessary prerequisite to illicit relationships, and so it's a good idea to stop that before it gets started, even if you have no reason to suspect bad intentions. This seems to me exactly the same logic that's used to support strict Islamic restrictions on contact between men and women.
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The Steak Fairy
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Oh well, now we have to sit through a lecture about why what you said was offensive. I tried to stave it off, but you couldn't leave well enough alone. Your comment seemed perfectly sensible, as well as amusing, to me. I am fairly sure that what led to the burka/burqa/burqah was sand, but who knows what wacky spin Islam has put on it over the years. Well, Muslims, probably, but other than them, I mean.
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Colleen
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I'm trying to get my own Burqah line going...

I call this, bugwuggiewuggiewuggieboo:



For you emos:



And this one...



well here the only thing that describes it:

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colleens wrote:
I'm trying to get my own Burqah line going...

I call this, bugwuggiewuggiewuggieboo:


Man, come up with names based on Dune and I think you might have a market...
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