Recommend
5 
 Thumb up
 Hide
20 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Chit Chat

Subject: Make me LOL for GG rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Mike Summers
United States
Ammon
Idaho
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Tell me a joke that makes me literally laugh out loud. If you're the first to accomplish this, you get a Geek Gold.

Must be rated G - PG-13
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
M@tthijs
Netherlands
Venlo
flag msg tools
This user is outstanding in mediocre videogaming
badge
Did you visit my www.kobudovenlo.nl? It has game info
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I don't know what G - PG -13 is.
Maybe my submission is more for RSP:

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black
1. He called everyone "brother".
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until He was 33.
3. He was sure His Mother was a virgin and His mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Italian
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus could have been a Californian
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus could have been a woman
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.
15 
 Thumb up
0.05
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
PenumbraPenguin
Australia
Sydney
NSW
flag msg tools
mbmbmbmbmb
How did the blonde get ice cubes up her nose?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Snorting coke.
8 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jonathan Tang
Malaysia
KL
WP
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Did you hear about the blonde fox who was caught in a trap?
Spoiler (click to reveal)
She chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Clay
United States
Alabama
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
The PG-13 limit is killing me, especially since my favorite joke meme ever was the 'dead baby' line of jokes.
------------
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"

The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"

"Two years," says the man.

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.

The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
------------
What is the definition of an optimist?

An accordian player with a pager.
------------
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"


So... yeah. I heard you giggle.
14 
 Thumb up
1.00
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Ian Wakeham
United Kingdom
Chester
Cheshire
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Spoiler (click to reveal)
He needed a crap.

Spoiler (click to reveal)
This is better as a spoken joke, so for those who don't get it...needed sounds like kneaded
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Uncle Potato
United States
Washington
Dist of Columbia
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
She had no arms.
8 
 Thumb up
1.25
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Matthew Kloth
United States
Wausau
Wisconsin
flag msg tools
designer
publisher
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to the oldest member. They ask him to tell them one of his famous hunting stories.

"Well, back in 1949 we went big game hunting. We didn't have much luck at first. While sitting by this tree I hear some noises behind a bush. All of a sudden a big lion jumps out and roars at me. Rrrrraaaaagh!... Well, I just shit my pants."

"I don't blame you, I'd shit in my pants if a lion jumped out at me too."

"No, no, no. Not then. Just now, when I said 'Rrrrraaaaagh'"
14 
 Thumb up
0.05
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
David Matchen
United States
Baltimore
Maryland
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
A rabbi, a priest, and two blondes walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Keith "Boaty McBoatface" C
United States
New Haven
Connecticut
flag msg tools
designer
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I cannot take credit for this, but I still don't think enough people have read it.

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/article/3367279#3367279
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jon Y.
United States
Fredericksburg
Virginia
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Nate_001 wrote:
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
She had no arms.



Nate, we gotta start hanging out more.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jon Y.
United States
Fredericksburg
Virginia
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Okay my contributions:

So this pirate walks into a bar to get a drink (all that swashbucklin makes a guy thirsty). So he walks in and the bartender looks over and sees this pirate walk in with a steering wheel down his pants. So as the pirate's walkin up to him, the bartender asks, "Hey, what's that steering wheel doing down your pants?"

Spoiler (click to reveal)
And the pirate replys, "YARR! It's drivin' me nuts!"




So there's these two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin looks at the other muffin and says, "Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?"
And the other muffin says,
Spoiler (click to reveal)
"HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"




What did one poor person say to the other poor person?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Who cares?

3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Hopefully becoming a restaurant owner soon! Peter Melanson
Canada
New Brunswick
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
How do you get a one armed redneck out of a tree?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Wave.


2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Aaron Tubb
United States
Fuquay Varina
NC
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
So, some dude goes to prison for some reason. After he settles into his cell, he hears someone in another cell down the hall shout "27!" The other prisoners all chuckle. Someone else says "13!" and everyone laughs at this. A third prisoner says "21!" and everyone else laughs.

The new guy is a bit confused so he asks his cellmate what the heck is going on. The cellmate answers "Well, we've all been here for so long that we've heard all of the jokes we know already. So, we assigned each joke a number and instead of telling the joke, we just say the number, and then every one remembers the joke and laughs."

The new guy considers this, and then shouts "35!" No one laughs.

He tries again, "30!" he shouts. No one laughs.

He tries again, "8!?" he says. No one laughs.

Another prisoner down the hall mutters, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

----------------------------------------

Joke PART II

At the same prison, everybody is dining in the cafeteria and telling jokes. "42!" shouts one man. Everybody laughs at this. Someone else says "18!" and everybody laughs. Someone else says "39!" and everybody else laughs, but one guy is rolling on the floor and he just keeps laughing like it was the funniest joke he's ever heard.

Some other prisoners give him strange looks. It wasn't that funny.

When the man catches his breath again, he explains, "I've never heard that one before!"
8 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
M@tthijs
Netherlands
Venlo
flag msg tools
This user is outstanding in mediocre videogaming
badge
Did you visit my www.kobudovenlo.nl? It has game info
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Guy goes hunting. Sees a bear. Aims, shoots. Smoke is gone, bear is too. Then, he feels a tap on his shoulder. Looks over his shoulder, and sees te bear, really pissed for being shot at. "I'm gonna tear you a new one", says the bear. So the hunter starts crying like a baby, begging for his life. The bear thinks and says "Hmmm, with all that hunting and so, I haven't seen a female bear in a while. Say what, you suck me, and I let you off the hook."

The hunter doesn't have much choice, does it, and goes home, totally humiliated. He wants revenge, buys a .50 cal. big rifle and returns to the woods the next day. And yes, he sees the bear and shoots. Happily, he runs forward to the place where he saw the bear drop. Nothing there! Then the bear suddenly puts his big pawn on his shoulder again. The hunter starts begging for his life again, says he'll take another hobby and so on and so forth. The bear says: "You know what, you dumb ass. I'm in a good mood after yesterday. Suck me again, and I'll let you live."

Back home, the hunter snaps. He buys a bazooka and swears to kill the bear. He goes to the woods and sneaks up to the bear. Aims, shoots. Big explosion, he's cheering while trees are falling over. Suddenly the bear taps his shoulder. The hunter turns white. The bear looks at him at says "tell me, you don't come here to hunt at all, do you?"
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mystery McMysteryface
United States
Florida
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?
Spoiler (click to reveal)
Are you sure it's mine?


Why was the blonde proud when she finished her jigsaw puzzle after 4 months?
Spoiler (click to reveal)

Because the box said "4 to 6 years"


Did you hear about the blonde skeleton they found in a closet?
Spoiler (click to reveal)
It was the hide and seek world champion!


Why can't blondes make jello?
Spoiler (click to reveal)
They haven't figured out how to get 4 cups of water into those little envelopes!


Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
Spoiler (click to reveal)
She kept eating all the W's!


In a kindergarten classroom the teacher is teaching children about the sense of taste. In order to aid in the discussion she gives children different flavor lifesavers. The children identify the different flavors easily until she gives them honey flavored ones. Seeing their difficulty, she says: "Here's a hint, it's what your mommy sometimes calls your daddy."

Little Mary spits hers out and says:
Spoiler (click to reveal)
"Gross!! Spit it out, they're assholes!"
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mike Summers
United States
Ammon
Idaho
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
The Message wrote:

------------
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"

The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"

"Two years," says the man.

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.

The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
------------


Ding ding ding... the winner. Thanks! I love this corny humor. Enjoy the GG
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mike Summers
United States
Ammon
Idaho
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Nate_001 wrote:
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
She had no arms.


1 GG for you too... pretty funny. This is one of those that will get everyone going if you're all very tired and in silly moods. I'll be sure and remember this one.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Clay
United States
Alabama
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
maksum wrote:
The Message wrote:

------------
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"

The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"

"Two years," says the man.

"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.

The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
------------


Ding ding ding... the winner. Thanks! :) I love this corny humor. Enjoy the GG :)


Awesome, thank you. Glad I could provide a laugh without resorting to the 'unsavory' for once, hehe.
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Uncle Potato
United States
Washington
Dist of Columbia
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
maksum wrote:
Nate_001 wrote:
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler (click to reveal)
She had no arms.


1 GG for you too... pretty funny. This is one of those that will get everyone going if you're all very tired and in silly moods. I'll be sure and remember this one.


Thanks Mike! Always happy to get people laughing.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.