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Subject: Things That Annoyed Me 7/8-7/14 rss

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Erik D
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1. Dehyphenating Queens - Queens is something of an anomaly in NYC. It's the only borough in New York where addresses are by neighborhood rather than borough*. Also, all of the addresses have hyphens in them. The first set of numbers indicates the cross street or avenue you live by, and the second set is the house number. For example, my old address in Astoria was 23-23 26th St., indicating that I lived off of 23rd Avenue.

Ecommerce sites hate this. They're always insistent I got my own address wrong somehow and they omit the hyphen for me. It's like seeing my name spelled with a "c" - wrong and immoral. Sure, I get the mail just fine, but still...

*Somewhat of an exception: Manhattan addresses go by "New York, NY".

2. Jewfro vs. Headset - We have those telemarketer-style headsets for our phones at the office. They're quite handy, though lately, mine has gotten tangled up in my hair. As I try to take it off, the headband will separate from the earpiece and fly off in some odd direction. On one occasion, it flipped over the wall and landed on the seat of the cube next to mine. The girl who usually sits there was out that day. Whether that's a relief or a shame I'm not sure.

3. Lazy Writers Podcasting - I'm a big fan of Bill Simmons (a.k.a. The Sports Guy), well, at least when he's not writing 8,000-word columns about basketball. For the last year, he has taken to podcasting, something I can't listen to at work (headphone jack was disabled), and just don't feel like downloading at home. I ordinarily wouldn't mind this, except his writing output has seriously declined from 2-3 columns a week to the same in a month. You just can't skip through the boring basketball stuff as easily on an iPod than you can a written work.

4. Video Game Unlockables - I paid for the damn game, why do I have to beat it on hard mode in under 2 hours just to play with a secret character? (This one isn't my idea--when it was pointed out to me, well, it just grates me now.)

5. Dental Nightmares - My teeth have been falling out a lot in my dreams lately. Just the other night I had a dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream in which my teeth would shatter, I'd freak out, wake up, teeth shattered again, wake up again and so on until I finally woke up for real. What doesn't help is Sunday night my teeth got ultra-sensitive out of nowhere. Good thing I have an appointment in a few hours.

6. 2nd Floor Elevator People - The only thing worse than a person who takes an elevator up one floor is the same person taking it down one floor. It used to be far worse--at my old job, they installed an escalator to the second floor that no one used.

7. Catholic Weddings - It's too damn long, there's too much standing/sitting/kneeling, and you never get to see the bride's and groom's faces! You guys need to modernize.

8. Frolf - Don't get me wrong, I love disc golf. Not the lame version on established courses where you have drivers, mid-range and putter discs. I'm talking safari-style--you have a regular disc and the players choose a target at random for each "hole". I know one guy who tries to organize disc golf games every Sunday. I decline simply over his use of the word "frolf". I've mentioned my dislike of portmanteaus before, this one doubly so due to sounding like a topping at Starbucks.

9. Ambigrams - These have been in decline in the past year and thank god for that. They're the Magic Eye of the oughts. For those unfamiliar, they're a way of writing text so it looks the same upside-down. It's something that people look at and say "neato", and let me tell you, neato things are always fleeting at best.

10. DVR's Selection Process - We've had Bad Lieutenant recorded on the DVR since February. I finally got around to watching it the other day. 2 minutes in, right after Harvey Keitel told his kids what they should say to their aunt for hogging the bathroom, the recording stopped. Apparently, way back in February, we had too many things recording at once. The DVR chose priority at random and my movie was cut short. Nowhere on our DVR are we given an option to select recording priority for such cases. Gar.

11. Arctic AC in Business Casual Environment - The building management controls the AC to my office, not my company. They assume everyone wears full business suits all day and cranks the AC accordingly. There's no reason why I should require a sweatshirt to keep warm in the middle of July when an 80 degree environment is just on the other side of that window.

12. The Fastest Slow Dance Ever - Eggie and I attended a wedding the other night. During the traditional dances (first the couple with each other, then with their parents), the DJ invited all couples out to dance. My lady and I stepped onto the dance floor and 15 seconds later, the song was over. It was to be the only slow-dance song that entire evening. Since I chose not to break out the White Man's Overbite that night, it was the only dancing we engaged in.

13. Jeopardy Kids Week - The answers are either blazingly obvious or about Hannah Montana. At least last night's episode was amusing if only because one child was rather obese while another looked like a 10-year-old anorexic Cate Blanchett. I named them Feast and Famine.

14. 6 and 11 - Part of my job entails uploading images. It's easy enough, though having to configure a series of parameters for them one-by-one can be a bit tedious, especially since I can only do them in 5-image batches. As you can guess, when my clients send me new images to upload, there are always either 6 or 11 of them, forcing me to do an extra 2nd or 3rd set of uploads for the straggler.

15. Chris Berman - Please stop talking.
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Mama Rat
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erak wrote:
5. Dental Nightmares - My teeth have been falling out a lot in my dreams lately.
According to various dream interpretation books, you have feelings of powerlessness. Any unplanned major changes in your life lately? (I used to have that dream when I was a kid--kids are essentially powerless, plus I had a sick mom.)
erak wrote:
7. Catholic Weddings - there's too much standing/sitting/kneeling.
We call it the Catholic aerobics. Stand! Sit! Kneel! Stand! Squat! Sit! And lift that leg--one, two, three! Next time, bring your spandex and wrist weights, at least get some exercise out of it.
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Manisha DS
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4. I hate this too.

5. Dreaming that your teeth are falling out is a fear of aging. Just accept it.

6. Yes people, walking down 4 flights of stairs will not kill you.

7. You think Catholic weddings are long? When I got married I had a Catholic ceremony and an Indian ceremony on the same day. The Indian ceremony is painfully long, not to mention the blazing fire you have to sit by in the summer heat. I guess it makes you never want to do it again, ever!
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erak wrote:

6. 2nd Floor Elevator People - The only thing worse than a person who takes an elevator up one floor is the same person taking it down one floor. It used to be far worse--at my old job, they installed an escalator to the second floor that no one used.

The SMOKERS in my building do this once an hour. God forbid you go up and down a flight of stairs to offset your cancer stick!
erak wrote:

15. Chris Berman - Please stop talking.

Back, back, back! Back, back, back! Way back! GONE!
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erak wrote:


8. Frolf - Don't get me wrong, I love disc golf. Not the lame version on established courses where you have drivers, mid-range and putter discs. I'm talking safari-style--you have a regular disc and the players choose a target at random for each "hole". I know one guy who tries to organize disc golf games every Sunday. I decline simply over his use of the word "frolf". I've mentioned my dislike of portmanteaus before, this one doubly so due to sounding like a topping at Starbucks.



Disc golf? I have to admit I have no idea what this is.
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erak wrote:

6. 2nd Floor Elevator People - The only thing worse than a person who takes an elevator up one floor is the same person taking it down one floor. It used to be far worse--at my old job, they installed an escalator to the second floor that no one used.


Actually, for some people with joint problems it is easier to climb a flight of stairs than to descend. I agree with the sentiment though. I hate it when I'm in a hurry and need to get up to the 5th or 6th floor fast and someone jumps in the elevator as the doors are closing just to hit the 2nd floor button.
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Richard S
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erak wrote:


7. Catholic Weddings - It's too damn long, there's too much standing/sitting/kneeling, and you never get to see the bride's and groom's faces! You guys need to modernize.



This would be the point in the conversation where I mention that when we got married my primary request was that we use the longest mass form with all the optional bits included. Both my wife and I felt the focus of the day should be on what happened in the church (the exchange of vows before God and man) and not on the reception (not that a reception is a negative thing, just secondary)

To each there own, but I never understood short ceremonies. If you really are making a lifetime commitment, it seems that it warrants a little time.
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NishaDS wrote:
7. You think Catholic weddings are long? When I got married I had a Catholic ceremony and an Indian ceremony on the same day. The Indian ceremony is painfully long, not to mention the blazing fire you have to sit by in the summer heat. I guess it makes you never want to do it again, ever!


I had a Hindu boss who married a Catholic guy--she dreaded that day for the same reason.
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Erik D
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Randougall wrote:
erak wrote:


8. Frolf - Don't get me wrong, I love disc golf. Not the lame version on established courses where you have drivers, mid-range and putter discs. I'm talking safari-style--you have a regular disc and the players choose a target at random for each "hole". I know one guy who tries to organize disc golf games every Sunday. I decline simply over his use of the word "frolf". I've mentioned my dislike of portmanteaus before, this one doubly so due to sounding like a topping at Starbucks.



Disc golf? I have to admit I have no idea what this is.


It's easy enough... it's the same as golf, though you use a frisbee instead of a club and ball. Instead of aiming for a hole, you aim for a target (a tree for instance). In namby-pamby disc golf, they aim for this elborate cage-and-basket contraption.
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Erik D
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thermogimp wrote:
erak wrote:

6. 2nd Floor Elevator People - The only thing worse than a person who takes an elevator up one floor is the same person taking it down one floor. It used to be far worse--at my old job, they installed an escalator to the second floor that no one used.


Actually, for some people with joint problems it is easier to climb a flight of stairs than to descend. I agree with the sentiment though. I hate it when I'm in a hurry and need to get up to the 5th or 6th floor fast and someone jumps in the elevator as the doors are closing just to hit the 2nd floor button.


Yup... when my ITBS flares up, going down stairs is excruciating, but there's almost no pain going up.

I don't begrudge the elderly or injured people who take the elevator one flight--just the able-bodied.
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MamaRat wrote:
erak wrote:
7. Catholic Weddings - there's too much standing/sitting/kneeling.
We call it the Catholic aerobics. Stand! Sit! Kneel! Stand! Squat! Sit! And lift that leg--one, two, three! Next time, bring your spandex and wrist weights, at least get some exercise out of it.

I'm so disappointed. I thought that I had invented this joke and that no one else had ever thought of it. I call it the "Catholic Calisthenics" though. Because of the alliteration, you see.
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erak wrote:
9. Ambigrams - These have been in decline in the past year and thank god for that. They're the Magic Eye of the oughts. For those unfamiliar, they're a way of writing text so it looks the same upside-down. It's something that people look at and say "neato", and let me tell you, neato things are always fleeting at best.

I thought this one was pretty neato:

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erak wrote:
4. Video Game Unlockables - I paid for the damn game, why do I have to beat it on hard mode in under 2 hours just to play with a secret character? (This one isn't my idea--when it was pointed out to me, well, it just grates me now.)

This reminds me of Zero Punctuation's review of Smash Bros Brawl. He pointed out how dumb it was that some secret characters can only be unlocked after playing the game for a long amount of time, because then your fiends won't want to play the game with you anymore because you've become "that guy"... the guy who actually plays a multiplayer/group game by himself and always wins against people who don't own the game. The only hope for "that guy" to have any fun playing is to find another "that guy" and just play against him (probably on final destination, a favorite stage of "that guy").
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erak wrote:
In namby-pamby disc golf, they aim for this elborate cage-and-basket contraption.


 
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Aarontu wrote:
erak wrote:
4. Video Game Unlockables - I paid for the damn game, why do I have to beat it on hard mode in under 2 hours just to play with a secret character? (This one isn't my idea--when it was pointed out to me, well, it just grates me now.)

This reminds me of Zero Punctuation's review of Smash Bros Brawl. He pointed out how dumb it was that some secret characters can only be unlocked after playing the game for a long amount of time, because then your fiends won't want to play the game with you anymore because you've become "that guy"... the guy who actually plays a multiplayer/group game by himself and always wins against people who don't own the game. The only for "that guy" to have any fun playing is to find another "that guy" and just play against him (probably on final destination, a favorite stage of "that guy").


Hey, that makes sense! I have the same problem with Mario Kart Wii after unlocking all of the courses/characters/cars. Now that I've played it so long that I can beat people with my feet, nobody wants to play with me anymore.
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2. Get a haircut! I think it's time. I saw the picture. Dude, the 70's are long gone. The wife will be happy too. For real.
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thermogimp wrote:
Aarontu wrote:
erak wrote:
4. Video Game Unlockables - I paid for the damn game, why do I have to beat it on hard mode in under 2 hours just to play with a secret character? (This one isn't my idea--when it was pointed out to me, well, it just grates me now.)

This reminds me of Zero Punctuation's review of Smash Bros Brawl. He pointed out how dumb it was that some secret characters can only be unlocked after playing the game for a long amount of time, because then your fiends won't want to play the game with you anymore because you've become "that guy"... the guy who actually plays a multiplayer/group game by himself and always wins against people who don't own the game. The only for "that guy" to have any fun playing is to find another "that guy" and just play against him (probably on final destination, a favorite stage of "that guy").


Hey, that makes sense! I have the same problem with Mario Kart Wii after unlocking all of the courses/characters/cars. Now that I've played it so long that I can beat people with my feet, nobody wants to play with me anymore.


Let's not forget that you also don't want to play anybody else because that's time you could spend unlocking things.
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Josh Jennings
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erak wrote:
thermogimp wrote:
Aarontu wrote:
erak wrote:
4. Video Game Unlockables - I paid for the damn game, why do I have to beat it on hard mode in under 2 hours just to play with a secret character? (This one isn't my idea--when it was pointed out to me, well, it just grates me now.)

This reminds me of Zero Punctuation's review of Smash Bros Brawl. He pointed out how dumb it was that some secret characters can only be unlocked after playing the game for a long amount of time, because then your fiends won't want to play the game with you anymore because you've become "that guy"... the guy who actually plays a multiplayer/group game by himself and always wins against people who don't own the game. The only for "that guy" to have any fun playing is to find another "that guy" and just play against him (probably on final destination, a favorite stage of "that guy").


Hey, that makes sense! I have the same problem with Mario Kart Wii after unlocking all of the courses/characters/cars. Now that I've played it so long that I can beat people with my feet, nobody wants to play with me anymore.


Let's not forget that you also don't want to play anybody else because that's time you could spend unlocking things.


That's where Smash Bros. Brawl did it right though. In that game you could unlock nearly everything if you just played enough multiplayer matches. No such luck in Mario Kart.

P.S. Ziggurat!
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1. Dehyphenating Queens - Is a new Drag troupe?


2. Jewfro vs. Headset - Your hair is really big, don't expect anything to be made for it. Except, perhaps, this:


(I should point out that in trying to look this up, I mostly found images of white posers).

4. Video Game Unlockables - You just haven't earned it yet, baby.

This actually teaches kids that you may have to work to get what you want in this life. That or be resourceful enough to learn how to cheat well.

5. Dental Nightmares - You should read Dead Babies by Martin Amis then (not his best by any means, but the teeth paranoia sticks with you).

6. 2nd Floor Elevator People - First, our office elevator is really slow. Now, imagine if you will, the stairs in my building are right by the front door. In order to get to the elevator you must walk all the way to the back of the building. On the second floor, the straight shot walk-up lands you right at the elevator. So folks who are waiting for the elevator on the second floor can see straight down the stairs to the front door, yet they still wait around like chuckle-heads.

7. Catholic Weddings - I got married in a brewery by my brother-in-law. My Catholic/Episcopalian family just had to deal. It was quick and we got right to the fun stuff.

8. Frolf - Somehow worse than Gymboree.

9. Ambigrams - You used a portmanteau.

I have to admit, I loved these working in a record store. My favorite was Angel:




Of course, Dio albums were also entertaining.

15. Chris Berman - If you stopped paying attention to sports half of your concerns would disappear.
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erak wrote:
4. Video Game Unlockables


My kids love love LOVE unlocking things in Lego Star Wars. In fact, when I get home, the first thing they usually want to tell me is what new character they unlocked. I think it's good game design because it keeps the game fresh. Well, maybe not game design. Let's call it good "product design".

Also, most games have cheats that you can find online, to unlock everything. And some games (such as Lego Star Wars) have features that can't even be unlocked ever without the codes.

Quote:
6. 2nd Floor Elevator People


In my building, the stair wells are locked. You have to take the elevator. I work on Floor 3 and would gladly take the stairs if I could.

Escalators drive me crazy though. If you're old, or carrying something large, or massively overweight, I can understand that you might stand still on the escalator. But talking on your cell phone is NOT a reason to stop walking. Seriously -- if it was a regular stair case, would you think it okay to stand there chatting on your phone?

Quote:
8. Frolf - Don't get me wrong, I love disc golf.


I've never heard that term. Then again, I've never heard it called "disc golf" either.

Quote:
9. Ambigrams


Hmm, never heard that term either. Vocabulary lesson!

It's pretty neato, though.

Quote:
10. DVR's Selection Process


I love the technology in the same way that I loved my 600 baud modem that clicked and whirred and went bloop bloop. It's awesome, but the future is yet to come. We need to get away from the lowest common denominator approach. The system could be amazing if it wasn't designed for idiots.

First step: make it smart enough to record the whole show, even when a sporting event runs over and pushes everything back by 10 minutes.

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erak wrote:

9. Ambigrams - These have been in decline in the past year and thank god for that. They're the Magic Eye of the oughts. For those unfamiliar, they're a way of writing text so it looks the same upside-down. It's something that people look at and say "neato", and let me tell you, neato things are always fleeting at best.


Actually, these things go back at least a quarter-century in popular culture. I remember seeing a number of them in an article in Omni magazine back in the early 80s (back when it was readable), and they were all done by an Oriental guy whose name escapes me. He became moderately popular and had a business making these for people out of their names, etc.

I've seen them pop up every few years in one place or another. There's an animated ambigram avatar I've seen on LiveJournal that has "True/False" rotating every few seconds. I'm sure there's a host of others out there.
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Manisha DS
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erak wrote:
NishaDS wrote:
7. You think Catholic weddings are long? When I got married I had a Catholic ceremony and an Indian ceremony on the same day. The Indian ceremony is painfully long, not to mention the blazing fire you have to sit by in the summer heat. I guess it makes you never want to do it again, ever!


I had a Hindu boss who married a Catholic guy--she dreaded that day for the same reason.


Good to know others have suffered as I did.
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Rubric wrote:
erak wrote:
4. Video Game Unlockables


My kids love love LOVE unlocking things in Lego Star Wars. In fact, when I get home, the first thing they usually want to tell me is what new character they unlocked.


Aw, that's exactly what Erak does when he unlocks something in Castlevania.
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claymore_57 wrote:
I remember seeing a number of them in an article in Omni magazine back in the early 80s (back when it was readable), and they were all done by an Oriental guy whose name escapes me.


Just saving you some grief in the future, but the word you want to use from now on is "Asian" or the name of the nationality, race, tribe or heritage specifically (Chinese, Korean, Ainu, Bengali, Thai, etc). Oriental refers to products from the Orient.
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sisteray wrote:
claymore_57 wrote:
I remember seeing a number of them in an article in Omni magazine back in the early 80s (back when it was readable), and they were all done by an Oriental guy whose name escapes me.


Just saving you some grief in the future, but the word you want to use from now on is "Asian" or the name of the nationality, race, tribe or heritage specifically (Chinese, Korean, Ainu, Bengali, Thai, etc). Oriental refers to products from the Orient.


Amen, peckerwood.
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