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Subject: I'm getting paid to tell them they suck. rss

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Diane Close
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My energy company is giving me a free lunch today, and gift cards, and hockey tickets, all for telling them they suck, and by how much they suck.

Yes, it's true. They sent me a letter a month ago inviting me to be on an exclusive new panel relating to improving their customer service. My primary responsibility is to attend quarterly meetings, at various restaurant locations (the free meal part), and offer them "feedback" pertaining to how much they and their service plans suck. For which I will be rewarded with gift cards and hockey tickets.

Okay, they'd didn't specify the actual term "suck", but when they followed up the letter with a phone call telling me how much they wanted my input, I used that word to describe their service. They said that was "valuable input" and that they really, really wanted me to come to the meetings and give them more of these "valuable insights".

So, now the challenge is to find as many phrases as possible that essentially mean "you suck!".
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Phil Alberg
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Whoopee Doopee, we have fun!
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You lost the game!
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"You sap energy more than you provide it."

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Mama Rat
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Adapted from what the crowd at every U-M home hockey game chants at the opposing team's goalie: "You're not an energy company, you're a sieve! You're not a sieve, you're a funnel! You're not a funnel, you're a vacuum! You're not a vacuum, you're a black hole! You're not a black hole, YOU JUST SUCK! YOU JUST SUCK! YOU JUST SUCK!"
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Mystery McMysteryface
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"You suck!"

1) If your services were food, we'd all be dead of food poisoning
2) If your services were free, we still would hate you
3) If your services were offered to an impoverised nation; they'd opt to continue without
4) If your services were wine, they'd reek of vinegar
5) If your services were cosmetics, I'd get a terrible rash
6) If your services were a car, it would stall out all the time
7) If your servcies were a carnival ride, most would refuse to ride it in fear (of it breaking down)
8) If your services were mass transportation, most people would prefer to walk
9) If your services were a store, you'd be out of business from lack of customers
10) If your servcies were a TV show, most people would blow-up their set in anger, spite, frustration, and pure hatred

Have a nice day!!!!! kiss
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That is not Depeche but rather
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EgorjLileli wrote:
"You suck!"

1) If your services were food, we'd all be dead of food poisoning
2) If your services were free, we still would hate you
3) If your services were offered to an impoverised nation; they'd opt to continue without
4) If your services were wine, they'd reek of vinegar
5) If your services were cosmetics, I'd get a terrible rash
6) If your services were a car, it would stall out all the time
7) If your servcies were a carnival ride, most would refuse to ride it in fear (of it breaking down)
8) If your services were mass transportation, most people would prefer to walk
9) If your services were a store, you'd be out of business from lack of customers
10) If your servcies were a TV show, most people would blow-up their set in anger, spite, frustration, and pure hatred

Have a nice day!!!!! kiss

Oh yeah? Well yo mama so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

Wait, what were we supposed to be doing?
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Aloha!
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Meega, nala kwishta!
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If you can work in this phrase:

You coffee-nosed, malodorous perverts

I would be forever in awe of your sheer... err.... awesomeness... lots of awe I guess is my main point here.
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Aloha!
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Meega, nala kwishta!
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AAGH! YOU'RE TOUCHING ME!
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Progmode wrote:
EgorjLileli wrote:
"You suck!"

1) If your services were food, we'd all be dead of food poisoning
2) If your services were free, we still would hate you
3) If your services were offered to an impoverised nation; they'd opt to continue without
4) If your services were wine, they'd reek of vinegar
5) If your services were cosmetics, I'd get a terrible rash
6) If your services were a car, it would stall out all the time
7) If your servcies were a carnival ride, most would refuse to ride it in fear (of it breaking down)
8) If your services were mass transportation, most people would prefer to walk
9) If your services were a store, you'd be out of business from lack of customers
10) If your servcies were a TV show, most people would blow-up their set in anger, spite, frustration, and pure hatred

Have a nice day!!!!! kiss

Oh yeah? Well yo mama so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

Wait, what were we supposed to be doing?
Oh no you di-int!
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!

*Snap*
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Samuel Sol
Brazil
São Paulo
SP
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All engines full to awesome land!
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*tap* *tap* Is this thing on?
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"I think the Saara desert states have a better power company than us.
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Mystery McMysteryface
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1) If your services were tobacco products, even chain-smoking addicts would quit!!
2) If your services were birth control products, the pregnancy rate would rise dramatically!
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Richard Pakpreo
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Come up with one for telemarketers and I'll use it. 3




Namely to tell them off and to stop calling me but meh.
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Ben Lott
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Mason
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Being a Lions fan is a gift...
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...and a curse.
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She's gone from suck to blow!
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Hopefully becoming a restaurant owner soon! Peter Melanson
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Giving the Hoover company a run for it's money...
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Mystery McMysteryface
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Rappak wrote:
Come up with one for telemarketers and I'll use it. 3




Namely to tell them off and to stop calling me but meh.



If I wanted to spend money at/with a company I have not contacted, am not interested in, and have never heard of before, I'd probably contact the Prince of Nigeria before doing business with you!
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I'm free-basing midichloriens and the force is, like, an energy that connects and penetrates us all, man.
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We're the POWER COMPANY. We don't care. We don't have to.
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Bela's dead and Vampira won't talk
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This is all very interesting, though a bit on the technical side ... about how the power plant is a power plant in name only ... since, in fact, it's going to be a big, giant ... big, giant ... capacitor.

And, instead of generating power, it'll be sucking power from the City ... and storing it ... stockpiling it ... which is a very ... novel ... approach, I'd say.
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The Seal of Approval
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You could improve your customer service tremendously by firing everyone there.

Yep, a phone ringing with no-one to take the call is better customer service than what you offer!
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Diane Close
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Asperamanca wrote:
Yep, a phone ringing with no-one to take the call is better customer service than what you offer!


This is awfully close to what I did tell them at yesterday's meeting!
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Mystery McMysteryface
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Many companies outsource part or all of their customer service. I knew a co-worker in my previous job that did customer service calls from her home at night and on the weekends for extra money. She kept encouraging me to do it.

I wouldn't feel comfortable giving customer service to different companies that I don't work for and know next to nothing about!! That is POOR/BAD customer service in my opinion.

That's why I try to call during regular business hours on weekdays when I need customer service!! I would rather call during specific hours and speak to a knowledgable employee of the company than to an outsourced rep whose only ability/skill is to answer a call at 3am and/or on the weekend!!

kiss
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Jorge Montero
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I'll take Manhattan in a garbage bag. With Latin written on it that says "It's hard to give a shit these days"
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You can always tell them that their price plans should be studied by a physicist, because they suck and blow at the same time.
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