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Subject: Dispatches from Yankee Stadium rss

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Erik D
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I took my Dad to last Saturday's Yankee game for his birthday. It was the first time either of us visited the new park. Random notes:

- Though I still think the new park was unnecessary, it is beautiful. The field itself looks just like the old one with some touch ups including a gigantic HD screen. The biggest difference is the concourse levels which are wide open and, unlike the old park, lets you see the action while at the concession stand.

- My dad wanted to beat traffic. Pshaw, I smugly thought to myself as taking the subway leaves me without such worries. We met at 11:00am. Wandering the stadium at 11:30 in the morning with a pint of Guinness is a beautiful thing, even if the people behind the counter didn't pour it correctly.

- As per NYC law, caloric content of everything was on display. My dad complained how it took the fun out of everything. Did you know soft pretzels have 630 calories?

- Our seats were front row upper deck between third base and the left field wall. The view was perfect and the fans around us were all well behaved except...

- ...sitting next to me was a mother and her 6-year-old son. I knew they were going to be a problem right when they arrived and the kid was snarfing down a hot dog with ketchup on it. The mom had bought the kid a souvenir mini bat and, god bless her, she immediately yelled at the kid when he started rapping it on the railing in front of us. Sure enough, the kid was bored with his bat by the second inning, and begged mom for something new. As it was hot and sunny (more on this later), she bought him an electric fan with a built in spray bottle. He got bored with that and required more gifts quickly. The mother learned an important lesson to bringing kids to a ballgame: no souvenirs until the game is over. Mercifully, they left after the 4th inning.

- Second favorite moment from the mom and kid: kid wanted ice cream from a vendor. Mom shelled out $6 for a cup of cookie dough Dippin' Dots. Kid has 2 bites and doesn't want anymore. Mom tries to eat it, but isn't a fan of the vanilla portion of the ice cream. Kid is scolded for wasting her money. An inning passes. Ice cream guy is back. Kid begs for ice cream. How he's not smacked, I don't know. Ten minutes later, a beer vendor stops by. "Beer! I want beer!" the kid shouts. Mom says no. "OK, how about ice cream then?"

- Favorite moment from mom and kid: "Now I know why your father wanted me to take you instead of himself." His dad was probably at home watching the game with a beer in one hand and porno in the other laughing all afternoon.

- My dad scares me sometimes. We sat in direct sunlight for 4 hours. I drank about 6 bottles of water and applied sunblock before the game and halfway through. My dad wore no sunblock and had 2 sips of water. I got home thirsty as hell with sunburned knees, arms, nose and a bright red stripe on my scalp at the part. I bet my dad's just fine.

- Speaking of sunblock, I brought a little tube of it that ended up getting shared by everyone on my row.

- David Cone, celebrating the 10th anniversary of his perfect game, threw out the first pitch. He is the sickliest looking man I've ever seen. He's pale, gaunt and skinny like Christian Bale in The Machinist. He's always looked like this.

- Ever want to catch a foul ball? Ever have one hit to you? Believe me, seeing how fast that ball moves changes your mind about sticking your bare hands out for it. One pop up was hit to the deck below us. All the fans reached out for it, but as it got closer, they all pulled their hands back in afraid to catch it. The ball hit a 4-year-old kid square on the head. Thankfully, the kid seemed ok--nothing a bag of ice couldn't cure (he wasn't even crying). Whoever ended getting the ball was cool enough to give it to the kid.

- Sign you're in Yankee Stadium #1: A huge shouting match erupted between a fan and a woman selling him hot dogs. Neither backed down. Everyone watched, but nobody looked surprised.

- Sign you're in Yankee Stadium #2: A pop-up to left field ends the inning. An 8-year-old kid reaches his hands out hoping for the ball. The player tosses it in his direction, but it sails ten feet over the kid's head and lands several rows behind him. Kid gives the player the finger.

- We got dinner after the game at the in-stadium Hard Rock Cafe. Believe me... you don't want to find a restaurant outside the stadium in that neighborhood. They also had to post the caloric content of their food in the menu. I got the lightest item that wasn't a salad or an appetizer. It was a pulled pork sandwich with 1,200. Feeling some shame on the way home, I decide to walk some of it off by getting off the subway a mile from home. When I'm at the door, I get a text from eggie who's babysitting our nephew. She tells me to meet her, so I walk 2 miles to her sister's place. Nobody answers. I call eggie. She's at her parents, so I walk the mile there. It took me 4 miles to get to the apartment that's only a quarter mile from the subway stop I originally got off at.
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L C

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erak wrote:

- My dad scares me sometimes. We sat in direct sunlight for 4 hours. I drank about 6 bottles of water and applied sunblock before the game and halfway through. My dad wore no sunblock and had 2 sips of water. I got home thirsty as hell with sunburned knees, arms, nose and a bright red stripe on my scalp at the part. I bet my dad's just fine.


Your dad also spends all day in the sun while golfing, so he has built up a tolerance. Maybe if you spent more time outside and less time inside with board games, you could also develop this super power. Just kidding. Erik actually does run around outside a lot but is very diligent about applying sun block.

Side note, I saw this normal sized guy on the subway, suit and tie, carrying a gallon sized thing of water. It was about half full. I think that may be the kind of water bottle you need.

erak wrote:

- We got dinner after the game at the in-stadium Hard Rock Cafe. Believe me... you don't want to find a restaurant outside the stadium in that neighborhood. They also had to post the caloric content of their food in the menu. I got the lightest item that wasn't a salad or an appetizer. It was a pulled pork sandwich with 1,200. Feeling some shame on the way home, I decide to walk some of it off by getting off the subway a mile from home. When I'm at the door, I get a text from eggie who's babysitting our nephew. She tells me to meet her, so I walk 2 miles to her sister's place. Nobody answers. I call eggie. She's at her parents, so I walk the mile there. It took me 4 miles to get to the apartment that's only a quarter mile from the subway stop I originally got off at.


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - I still submit that I definitely told you I was at my parents'. At least you weren't carrying anything heavy, too. At least the plant wasn't still in the car.
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Rob
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erak wrote:
- Sign you're in Yankee Stadium #2: A pop-up to left field ends the inning. An 8-year-old kid reaches his hands out hoping for the ball. The player tosses it in his direction, but it sails ten feet over the kid's head and lands several rows behind him. Kid gives the player the finger.


Classic! Good stuff, Erik.
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Jeff Wiles
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eggplantia5 wrote:

Side note, I saw this normal sized guy on the subway, suit and tie, carrying a gallon sized thing of water. It was about half full. I think that may be the kind of water bottle you need.


He was getting ready to take a shower.
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