Go Directly to Jail: Man Arrested for Monopoly Assault
By Brian Kumnick on July 31, 2009 6:04 AM | No TrackBacks
He's Probably Glad He Held Onto That Get Out Of Jail Free Card
A Michigan man who just wanted to take a walk on the Boardwalk instead skipped right past Go and off to jail last week. According to the Detroit Free Press, Kenneth Reppke allegedly assaulted his Monopoly opponent when she wouldn't part with Boardwalk and Park Place, hitting her in the head and breaking her glasses. There is no official word on what Reppke was offering in the deal, but let's face it, if it was anything less than all three oranges and a fat stack of hundreds, he should probably feel lucky that she didn't hit him.
Raging against the diabolical turns of luck in a typical game is, of course, a time-honored if unsanctioned Monopoly tradition, right up there with the Free Parking bonus. But you don't often hear of a tantrum rising to a level requiring police intervention. Perhaps Reppke was already staring at a board full of opponents' houses and hotels, while he coaxed a meager income out of the dark purples and one utility.
Then, with his cash reserves dwindling, he might have simply reasoned that if he couldn't own Park Place and Boardwalk, the next best thing was sitting in jail so as not to have to land on them -- a classic endgame strategy for the seasoned Monopoly player. Perhaps someone should have told him, though, that you need only land in Monopoly jail to make this gambit pay.
Unfortunately for him, a misdemeanor assault and battery charge in Michigan could net him not three turns, but 93 days, of real-world jail time. The potential fine is more manageable, at a Monopoly-like $500 max -- less than the list prices of Boardwalk and Park Place combined.
Once Reppke has dealt with the criminal justice system, though, there will be the matter of answering to his victim. Keep your eyes open for a new Chance card: "Hit someone in head and get sued. Pay opponent damages of . . . ?"