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Subject: Gollum and Smeagol Review Space Hulk rss

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The Galaxy is Just Packed!
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G: Oh yes preciousss. We wants it! We hears its call. Always calling to us, precious!

S: No. We don't needs it. Master has the first edition. Master has all the expansions. They are nice and in pretty boxes and the game is so, so fun.

G: Bah! What do you knows about first editions and fun? This is new! We likes new. We likes the new plasticy bitsess. They looks so deadly and dangerousss. We likes the thick cardboard piecesss, and we likes the glossy finishessss, and we like the embossed detailssss. Yes, precious, we must have it!

S: Yes...it is very pretty... But no! No! Master doesn't needs this! Master has a perfectly good game right now. And master doesn't need to spend his gold on shiny bitses. Master should spends his gold on games he don't already have. Or...or...no games at all!

G: GHAAA! You shut your stinking mouthses! You don't know what master needs. Only I knows what is good for him. Good for us! Yes, precious. Good for usss...

S: It's got a timer. You always saids we don't needs no timer. You always said the timer was stupid!

G: We don't has to use the timer! Gollum! Gollum!

S: But...but...it's different.

G: What did you say....?

S: It's different! It's changed! It ain't the same no more! No, not the same.

G: Go on...

S: The orcsy bits...they...they moves different now. They don't turn as a separate action. They turn as they moves forward. The knights with they shiny guns don't get to shoots at them as much when they Overwatch. The orcsy player used to have to thinks more about how he dealt with corners and intersections. But not now! No, not now! Now they does what they wants! They sneaks up and claws and bites but they does it in a way that used to be so elegant! So elegant.

G: They...don't get shots at when turning to face the space knight?

S: No! NO! They just moves in and turns. They get shots at less!

G: We can deals with that. So they get shots at twice instead of three times at a corner. That doesn't stops our need. We wants it! Precious!

S: There's more...

G: What? More? You lies!

S: No! Smeagol good! Smeagol never lies. Not to you. Never to you!

G: What else is there!

S: The knights, there eyes are burned! They can't sees no more! Line of sightses is different. The knightses can't see sideways, so the orcses can sneak up from the sides. Line of sightses don't use the string between centers of squares methods no more. They... they just says that the knight has to be in the doorway of a room to shoot in the corner - so they can't see as much as they used to! Why did they change such a simple rule. They went crazy! And we knows crazy, don't we precious?

G: BAH! That all makeses the gameses fresh. Tasty! We gets to play like they was variantsss. We gets to learn new wayses. Orcses don't scare us! Not us, precious! Gollum! Gollum!

S: The orcses does become more hurt by fire now...

G: Yes, precious!

S: But...the knightses! They watch differently now! They don't needs to fear their shiny gun breaking so much! But the shiney guns don't get so deadly when they stands still. But they gets new chances. They gots new rules, so many new rules! Why do they adds new rules! They don't needs new rules!

G: New rules don't scare us, precious! Gollum! Gollum!

S: It is pretty. Very pretty....

G: Yes, preciousss...

S: And we could use whatever ruleses we wants, couldn't we!

G: Yes! Precious!

S: But the Master don't needs it! The Master can'ts afford it!

G: The Master want's it. Oh yes, precious, he wants it!

S: He don't needs it!

G: He already bought it. Precious!

S: I hate you.
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Pelein de Cratia
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Chapeau!!!
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Get Funkadelic
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Awesome review. You should keep the same format for any future reviews too.
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The Galaxy is Just Packed!
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GetFunkadelic wrote:
Awesome review. You should keep the same format for any future reviews too.


Dibs!
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Mad Scientist Philip von Doomula
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bryanwinter wrote:
S: Yes...it is very pretty... But no! No! Master doesn't needs this! Master has a perfectly good game right now. And master doesn't need to spend his gold on shiny bitses. Master should spends his gold on games he don't already have. Or...or...no games at all!

G: GHAAA! You shut your stinking mouthses!


Absolutely epic!
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christian arkins
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Awesome factor = +11

Good show sir, good show!
 
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Thomas Müller
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I don't like Gollum and I don't like Space Hulk, but the name "Bryan Winter" grabbed my attention. Yay, the mighty Doomtrooper designer is still alive!

Reminds me I should play it again some time soon. thumbsup
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The Galaxy is Just Packed!
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stormcloak wrote:
I don't like Gollum and I don't like Space Hulk, but the name "Bryan Winter" grabbed my attention. Yay, the mighty Doomtrooper designer is still alive!


I am equally glad to be still alive. Perhaps more so. cool

stormcloak wrote:
Reminds me I should play it again some time soon. thumbsup


I agree! Apparently the online version is back - but I have yet to go check it out!
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Mike McDrunk
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Wonderful review! Thanks for the laugh!
 
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Paul Dixon
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Goodness, this was my very own interior monologue this week, when I found a copy of 3 ed still in stock at my local GW shop.

Gollum won out with me too!!!
 
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Chris Schenck
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Fun read!
laugh
 
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Geoff Burkman
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Nicely done!
 
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