Recommend
2 
 Thumb up
 Hide
19 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Gaming Related » PBEM » Werewolf

Subject: Real Life - What's Been Going On. Updated with end result - for now. rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
ƒireƒly
United States
Millbury
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Some of you may have noticed a different 'Pooly' lately in games, specifically Doom since I checked out of the auto-mod.

Some of you already know what's going on, but I need everyone's input and advice at this point because of what happened less than 20 minutes ago.

It started Wednesday. We got into an argument and it got taken over the top and we both said things that need not be said. He drove to his mom's and came back later, a little bit cooled off from the argument - until it was brought up again to finally resolve it. We tried to talk, and failed - failed to the point where it became physical again.

It culminated with him having to go to the hospital to get a tetanus shot [I bit through his finger to prevent him from choking me] and I could have had some nasty spinal damage [he used a table and chair to jump on me while on the ground.] In the end, he left the apartment and went to his mom's.

He came by on Friday to grab some clothes since he left with nothing. And just now, him, his mom, and her fiance came by to pick up the furniture that was borrowed from them and some other items. He and I had already discussed what was being taken and what was staying the day before - unfortunately, she had other plans and decided to try and grab things that shouldn't have been taken.

... David stood up for me and yelled at her and said that he's not heartless and that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. He apologized for her and said that he felt the same as I did and that he wants everything to work out in the end. That he's going to help me pay the rent off here and pay him back when I can. To give him a few days to calm down and figure everything out.

Flashback: It's been off and on physical since I moved out here in February '08, having started around March.

I don't know what to do and I'm in love. I sit here crying, not because I'm upset that it's over, but because I'm losing my best friend and everything that I had with him. When it was going well, we were amazing together - best friends. Companions. The perfect couple, as some even put it when we came into work together.

I just don't know what either of us did to deserve this and I don't know where to go or what to do. I'm afraid to call home and admit failure because so much time and energy went into moving out here - I left my entire family, my life, my everything, back in Massachusetts, packed up my belongings, and moved to New York to be with the man of my dreams.

I can either move back home, stay here, or look at other options - but how can I stay in this place with all the memories, both good and bad? I found an anniversary card that he gave me on our 6 month and the letter and poem he wrote to me on our 3 month. I cried myself to sleep.

I'm in love with a person that scares the shit out of me, and at the same time, is the only one that has ever completed me, both as a friend and a lover.

I'm lost and I'm not sure where, or how, to find my way - or what direction to move. North, south, east, west - everywhere I go, a reminder of what was.

I'm not used to this. I'm 21 - and 2 and a half years of my life have been dedicated to this man - our problems and our love. Time and energy spent fixing what was never to be? Was it a waste or necessary to grow and move on?

Everyone else that came along during this relationship - every other guy that I met - another chance for this love to flourish and become more, but my heart said no. My brain has said yes for the longest time, but my heart said no.

And now that it's over ... all the other prospects are gone. Taken by another or moved on from my life as a whole.

Half of a soul, ripped from my chest and bleeding on the floor. And I don't know how to fill the gap.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Pragmatically turning whims into principles
United States
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
soblue
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Archidamia
United States
Hazel Park
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
Highly Personal (to me)Post


edit-deleted-whole post geekmailed to pooly instead.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
F5
United States
Shoreline
Washington
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
Quote:
I'm afraid to call home and admit failure because so much time and energy went into moving out here - I left my entire family, my life, my everything, back in Massachusetts, packed up my belongings, and moved to New York to be with the man of my dreams.
You should never be afraid to tell your family that things didn't work out and you may need some help. Not unless your parting was on really ridiculously hostile terms. Parents seem to be attached to their kids, for some reason.
12 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
quiet, not much content
Canada
Unspecified
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
Poolyxpop wrote:

I'm in love with a person that scares the shit out of me,


I feel very sad for you for this whole situation. This phrase though quite frankly worries me for you. You should not, for any reason, be with someone who scares you like that. I can only imagine how hard it is to let go, but you can't keep going back to this and you must move on. Only you will be able to figure out where the best place for you to live is. Maybe a trip home will give you some time and space to clear your mind. I don't know your family, but if they love you I am sure they will be supportive and would be very upset if you didn't let them know what was going on and give them the opportunity to help you.
7 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brian
United States
California
flag msg tools
Enter Text Here
badge
[b][Vote :goo:][/b]
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
Quote:
I'm afraid to call home and admit failure because so much time and energy went into moving out here - I left my entire family, my life, my everything, back in Massachusetts, packed up my belongings, and moved to New York to be with the man of my dreams.

Pooly, I have only played a few games with you and I don't feel that I know you all that well (but the games have been fun)... however I would like to offer the following advice.

The worst thing you can do when you make a mistake is to compound it for fear of admitting it was a mistake.

If your family went to so much time and energy to move you out to New York then I would have to expect that they love you (as most parents do) and will support you when you come back to them and tell them what happened.

My Dad once told me that My mother and him would always love me, and that regardless of what happened I could always come back to them and have someplace to stay should I need it. The only thing I could do to lose that privilege would be to deal drugs (illegal) out of the house, and then only because it would jeopardize their ability to provide that roof to my siblings (he said this when I was getting ready to move out, I never did or dealt drugs...). If your family is anything like mine they will welcome you back with open arms and help you move home.
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Val K
United States
Bowie
Maryland
flag msg tools
badge
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
Paul,
You sound sad (it's OK to be sad if something you love is hurting you). There was a lot in your post, but what struck me was you asked if it was all a waste. I think nothing is a waste. I think everyone is on a journey to becoming themselves and sometimes it's a steady clear sea and sometimes it's a roller coaster that makes your stomach drop & leaves you queasy and wanting to throw up. Sometimes you will glow incandescent with joy, giddy with hope and sometimes you feel yourself on the edge of the blackest pit - the abyss looking into you. But you keep going.

I suspect you will be surprised at how much stronger you are then you think or feel you are right now. I don't think you should see this as a failure. When you love someone, even someone it's less then healthy to love, you don't fail because you didn't get a fairy tale ending. You had the courage to leap, to embrace the potential for happiness. That's not a bad thing. I hope when you hit a calm, when your perspective & circumstance change, you will find a way to keep all the things that were good and let go off all the things that were bad.

Also, if you feel lost it helps to remember "Wherever you are, there you are" and you are not alone, because people (we) care about you.


Love and hugs,
Val

PS, As for advice.. mine is to immediately dab up the soul bleeding with a towel and cold water, because it's hard to get the stain out of carpet if it sets.
6 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Val K
United States
Bowie
Maryland
flag msg tools
badge
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
The universe doesn't let me down. In a bit of serendipity I got this from my community group. You could list this as X) Do something completely new. [assuming going into a completely new direction outside of your realm of experience doesn't put your knickers in a twist]. If you've got "nothing behind you and nothing to tie you to something that might have been true yesterday." Pretty sweet, surrender.
It helps knowing you have options. Sometimes I think nothing makes a person feel more stressed then feeling they have no choices.
Quote:

Messages In This Digest (1 Message)
1. Volunteer in Africa and Latin America From: Maria Kristine Rejano
View All Topics | Create New Topic
Message
1. Volunteer in Africa and Latin America
Posted by: "Maria Kristine Rejano" maria_rejano@yahoo.com maria_rejano
Fri Sep 18, 2009 3:59 am (PDT)


My name is Maria from the Philippines; I will be a part of the Ecuador team in November 2009. Now, I am working in the Area of Promotion at the RichmondVale Academy. If you are interested and want to work in community development in the areas of:
§ Child aid & community programs
§ Fighting HIV/AIDS
§ Start up and run of primary and pre schools
§ Vocational schools
§ Train future teachers

We invite you to become a Development Instructor at our school, the Richmond Vale Academy, in the beautiful island of Saint Vincent in the Caribbean and to participate in our projects in Ecuador, Brazil or Africa in the areas previously mentioned. Our training is based on practical lessons about:
§ Development of organizational and
communication skills
§ Prevention and information of diseases
§ Income generation projects
§ Organic farming
§ Global history and economy
§ Conflict resolution
§ Basic maintenance and construction skills
§ And more
Now, we will tell you a little more about us:
Who we are: Our school is part of the International DRH Movement and works with HUMANA PEOPLE TO PEOPLE.

HUMANA PEOPLE TO PEOPLE;is an organization that has developed
more than 265 projects in 42 countries in Africa, Asia and Latin America since 1977. These projects work in the areas previously mentioned and have benefited more than 10 million people living in poverty with lack of health, education and infrastructure.
* For more information about HUMANA please visit: www.humanapeopletopeople.org

HUMANA PEOPLE
TO PEOPLE works in cooperation with the International DRH Movement. DRH is an abbreviation for"Den Rejsende Højskole"which means "Traveling Folk High Schools" in Danish. DRH`s objective is to prepare students to work in community development projects with HUMANA PEOPLE
TO PEOPLE.
* For more information about DRH please visit: www.drh-movement.org

Today,
there are 14 Traveling Folk High Schools located in 8 different countries of Europe, North America, South America, Africa and Asia. Every year around 800 Development Instructors, from over 65 countries, train themselves at one of the DRH Schools in order to take up a position in Latin America or Africa.
The first DRH school began in Denmark in 1970 and the DRH Richmond Vale Academy (RVA) began in 2001.
* For more information about Richmond Vale Academy please visit: www.richmondvaleacademy.organd http://www.youtube.com/user/jesperfriis

Requirements
These programs are open to people, over 17 years old, which are interested in having new challenges and experiences. There is no age limit and no previous academic degrees are required. However, it is essential for you to have a flexible, hardworking, motivated and enthusiastic attitude. Plus, you also need to be willing have simple living conditions or comforts.


If you are interested to become a volunteer in Africa or
Latin America, please send your application form (attached together with this email) to: volunteeratrva@richmondvaleacademy.org

Cheers!
Maria

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dr. Urza, PhD of Dungeon Crawl
United States
Washington
Dist of Columbia
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
I'd give some advice, but if love is involved, I'm probably the least qualified person to do so. shake

I am, however, sad to see you in this predicament. soblue
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
ƒireƒly
United States
Millbury
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Re: Real Life - What's Been Going On.
I'm updating this, possibly to the dismay of some people, especially after seeing all of their advice - be it public or private.

I thank each and every one of you for opening your hearts and minds to me and showing that we, the WW players of BGG, truly are a family and we look out for each other - even if everything may be based on manipulation and lies Damn games make me not know a single one of you! haha.

I've come to my decision, as has David - and we have both had problems in the past with all of this. I am not innocent; I have pushed and prodded, as has he, and we have both snapped before.

We have established that we both still want to be together, that we are both sorry for every single time that things have happened negatively, and we are going to seek out couple's therapy in order to fix ourselves. I told him that I had been talking to another guy [albeit, this guy is taken] and he started crying because it hurt him to know that I could move on like that. I had no intentions of moving on - the guy is a friend and has been there for me every step of the way.

We have also agreed that the next time anything like this happens, it will be over without discussion and we will move on regardless of personal feelings. If it ends for any other reason, we will continue to be friends [taking into account the reason for breaking up] and help each other with life's endeavors.

We both feel that we are mature enough to accept our flaws and seek out the help we need to continue a relationship - to make this one into a healthy and fulfilling life for both of us, with marriage and adoption [eventually. We're more than likely going to try to return the engagement ring he had bought for me.]

I know most of you are thinking this may be a bad decision, particularly Kuchick and Miraria [both of whom touched me deeply with their advice and experience, be it personal or work-related.]

But, as I stated before - I feel like part of this family and I'd hope that you will respect my decision. If anything happens again between the two of us, then hopefully you'll all be here again to pick up the pieces and put me back together - and I'll expect some "I told you so"s... but I'm hoping that won't happen. blush

Any further advice on the subject is still greatly appreciated, as David and I are taking things slowly and laying out ground rules for each other and the apartment. Nothing crazy - but things to get our life together back on track. Such as a mandatory date every month, a game or movie night every week, a day dedicated to cleaning the apartment every week or two, etc. Things that have us come together, doing things we both like rather than things that push us apart and separate us, both physically and emotionally.

I'm making the right decision for me right now - and it may turn into the right decision for everything in the long run. I'll just need support from everyone when things get rough.

Love you guys. And thank you again.

- Paul
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dr. Urza, PhD of Dungeon Crawl
United States
Washington
Dist of Columbia
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I don't think this is a bad decision. But see my disclaimer above.

I hope it works out well for you. thumbsup
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Archidamia
United States
Hazel Park
Michigan
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Pooly,

I would never tell you it's a bad decision-as I said in my post/geekmail I couldn't offer advice, I could only share. It's all decisions you have to make for yourself. I can share my experience with you, and take out of that what you will. If you and he both REALLY mean that if this happens again it is over over over then thats a step. I jsut hope you dont get in a cycle with it as too many do. And I mean the physical stuff, arguments will happen. But if it does no one(I hope) would say I told you so. We can't. We aren't you and we aren't him and some of us aren't in ANY position to be judge and jury We can just be here to listen if it happens again and hope that we don't have to! Good Luck!
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
.
United States
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
miraria wrote:
Pooly,

I would never tell you it's a bad decision-as I said in my post/geekmail I couldn't offer advice, I could only share. It's all decisions you have to make for yourself. I can share my experience with you, and take out of that what you will. If you and he both REALLY mean that if this happens again it is over over over then thats a step. I jsut hope you dont get in a cycle with it as too many do. And I mean the physical stuff, arguments will happen. But if it does no one(I hope) would say I told you so. We can't. We aren't you and we aren't him and some of us aren't in ANY position to be judge and jury We can just be here to listen if it happens again and hope that we don't have to! Good Luck!


I strongly support this statement. The choice you made is not the one I would have recommended, but you're a different person in a different situation, and I can't tell you what to do. I wish you the best of luck, and I truly hope things turn out for the better.

And if, God forbid, you come back with another post like this a few months down the line, I think you will be hearing a lot more "I'm here for you" than "I told you so" from all of us.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mr. Morphine
msg tools
Avatar
mb
Pooly,

I wish I could give you some advice, but sadly I can only tell you that I fully know how love (in all its irrationality) can totally outweigh all rational arguments given by worried outsiders. Sometimes love conquers all else, and sometimes it just doesn't.

I do, however, commend anyone who is brave enough to fight through the tough times rather than run. Just make sure that you don't lose yourself in the process. No one is worth self-destructing for. Work hard on your relationship but also make yourself a stronger, more independent person... Maybe some individual counseling on top of the couples therapy might help.

Also, call home and tell them everything. Even though you are committed to working on your relationship, you can use all the support you can get. Just *hearing* that you're always welcome back at any time, can lift a huge load of your shoulders. Don't let your pride stand in the way. And this comes from someone who waited too long to do just that...

Good luck. And remember to cuddle often! kiss
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Val K
United States
Bowie
Maryland
flag msg tools
badge
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
The only reason I can't say "I told you so" is it didn't occur to me to tell you so. Damnit. Is it too late? I like to have a good "I told you so" on standby..
kiss
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Smell the Spud
United States
Ridgefield
Washington
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Paul, I know we don't know each other well but I feel compelled to tell you that physical violence has NO place in a loving relationship.

I'm 43-years-old and I have yet to see in my entire life one instance where a physical abuser can stop resorting to physical violence in frustrated situations. I understand being frustrated and giving someone a shove, but choking someone or any situation that results in one or more parties needing medical attention is IN NO WAY healthy (or in anyway acceptable) IMHO.

Believe me, I know what it feels like to think you will never love again, but you are SO young. You have a huge life ahead of you with as many adventures and memories as you create for yourself.

What I'm saying is this: you must protect yourself. Don't give in to the "he will change" mindset I've seen so many others languish through in vain. Your family loves you, you should go where you are truly loved (and that means where you are safe, too, btw.) Best of luck to you.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dr. Urza, PhD of Dungeon Crawl
United States
Washington
Dist of Columbia
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Valkerie32 wrote:
The only reason I can't say "I told you so" is it didn't occur to me to tell you so. Damnit. Is it too late? I like to have a good "I told you so" on standby..
kiss

I'll start manufacturing enough "I told you so" bombs for both of us.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Pragmatically turning whims into principles
United States
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Such struggles merely prove that you are still human. That is both honor enough to raise the spirits of the lowliest beggar, and shame enough to bow the head of the mightiest king. May what is best, not what you think is best, happen to you.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.