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Space Hulk (third edition)» Forums » Sessions

Subject: Adventures of the "dirty doesn't" part I: Suicide Mission rss

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Gergely Orsó
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The following story takes place in an alternate universe where, when presented the chance to go on this mission, the first company’s squad Lorenzo said ”are you nuts???”. So instead, the squad ”Dirty Doesn’t” had to do it. They are not the most competent folks around the house. Not the sharpest knives int he drawer. Most of them may be considered spoons instead. Nevertheless, they try hard…

This is their story…


Sergeant Lorenzo: Alright brothers, let’s do this! All brothers, report in! Brother Deino?
Brother Deino: Sir! Yes sir!
Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother Zael?
Brother Zeal: ”You’ve got my attention”
Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother: Goriel?
Brother Goriel: Right here.
Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother Kenny?
Brother Kenny: Hmpf!
Sergant Lorenzo: Brother Kenny, I told you a million times to fix that helmet. Now, your comlink has broken too. There’s no telling what else will go wrong with your gear if you neglect proper maintenance, understand?
Brother Kenny: Hmpf!
Brother Deino: Sir! Radar indicates incoming hostiles at 6 o’clock and 3 o’ clock! Closing in!
Sergeant Lorenzo: Alright, then, we’ve more than enough time to deal with them. So, here’s the plan: Brother Deino, you take the lead and try to take up a favorable position before the enemy gets here. Me, and Brother Zael will follow shortly after. Brother Goriel, you’ll be the rearguard. Oh, and Brother Kenny?
Brother Kenny: Hmpfgh?
Sergeant Lorenzo: Here, guard this southern door for us. It’s true that your equipment has been experiencing strange malfunctions, but I’m sure you’ll be alright.
Brother Kenny: Hmgfh!
Sergeant Lorenzo: Let’s move out!


Brother Goriel: ”…Take me down, to the paradise city, where-there-are-only-so-many-good-things-that-I-can’t-even-imagine-since-I’m-an-over-zaelous-soldier-who-thinks-about-noting-but-war…”
Brother Deino: What is his problem, Zeal?
Brother Zael: It’s ZAEL, thank you…as for Gory, he’s been practicing with his launch tube band he started some time ago. Calls it the ”Genestealers’ Wheels”
Brother Deino: Why is it called a launch tube band?
Brother Zael: Well, for starters, they’ve been practicing in the abandoned launch tube of the command ship…and incidentally, that’s the very same place they will exit through when the Captain finds out about this. Gory likes placing his life on the line every day. He says that’s what makes this real Death Metal.
Brother Deino: Well, he should work some more on those lyrics though.
Brother Zael: Well, he’s got some good ideas, but no real imagination…


Brother Kenny: HMPFHH!!!!!
Brother Deino: Sir, Brother Kenny’s been reporting in! Can’t really tell what he’s trying to say, but I guess his firearm jammed! He asks for clearance to fix it!
Sergant Lorenzo: Can’t you see I’m busy now? I’ve got the three of you to command, those pesky little aliens are closing in. Guess they won’t wait till 3 o’ clock after all. Brother Kenny can surely fix his gun without me telling him to do so! Hah! Next time he’ll ask permission to turn around, for crying out loud…
Brother Deino: Now that you put it like this, sir, it surely makes sense…
Brother Goriel: ”and I don’t know why I came here tonight , I’ve got a feelin’ somethin’ ain’t right”
Sergant Lorenzo: Well, I can understand that, this place is infested with those gay aliens!
Brother Zael: That’s just a crappy paintjob. That’s not pink, that’s Warlock Purple, FYI. The painting guide on the box just does not mention that you are supposed to mix it, so the first two has turned out like that.
Brother Deino: Warlock Purple? What’s with those names anyway? Look at his claws, they should be black, but no, it’s ”Chaos Black”. And you thought your armor was red? Nope, that’s ”Blood red” for you. Warlock purple, more like pink, not just any kind of pink, that’s ”Pu-
Brother Goriel: Stop insulting punks, they are a serious influence to my music!
Brother Kenny: HMPFGH!!!!!!!
Sergeant Lorenzo: Oh no, they killed Kenny!
Brother Goriel: Bastards!
Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother Goriel, take over Brother Kenny’s position ASAP. Brother Deino, what’s your position?
Brother Deino: I’ve taken the left at the T-junction, and heading towards a door. I’m quite hesitant though…
Sergeant Lorenzo: Okay, so here’s the deal. You WALK up to the door, OPEN it, and SHOOT the living crap of anything that’s behind the door, got it?
Brother Deino: Now that you put it like this Sir, I don’t know why didn’t I had this idea before…proceeding as told!
Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother Zael!
Brother Zael: ”Wanna turn up the heat?”
Sergeant Lorenzo: Stay close to me. We’ll follow Brother Deino’s path. You might have to cover our back, so ready your flamer.
Brother Zael: ”You got it!”


Brother Goriel: ”I am a man who walks alone/ and when I'm walking a dark road/ At night or strolling through the hulk
When the light begins to change /I sometimes feel super-extra-confident-in-my-armor-and-it’s-machine-spirit-since-there’s-nothing-to-be-afraid-of-for-a-badass-space-marine-like-me-in-the-dark!”. Hm, gotta work a little more on this one…wait, what’s this? Strawberrry? Who put jam in my storm bolter?
Genestealer: ”Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name….”
Brother Goriel: Wow, that’s a good oneaaaaaarrrghhhhhhh!!!


Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother Zael, prepare yourself! We’ve lost Brother Goriel and Brother Deino! You’ve got to cover our back, while I’ll deal with the ones up front! The good news is, we are hallway through the corridor! We’ve got to get to that junction, turn left, and that’s it! Here they come, are you prepared?
Brother Zael: ”Let’s burn!”
Sergeant Lorenzo: Brother Zael, could you stop with those Starcraft quotes? It’s pretty annoying…
Brother Zael: Well, it was supposed to be a WH40K game anyway; they just failed to get the license. So it’s no big deal, right? Oh, another bunch of aliens! These guys never seem to learn. ”Fire it up!”
Sergeant Lorenzo: Wow, these guys aren’t that tough after all! Look, I just got one in close combat! Keep it up, here’s the junction….whawhawhawhawhaaat? The door is closed? Damn, I gotta get there and open it for you. Cover the junction for me, will you?
Brother Zael: ”Haha, that’s what I thought!”
Sergeant Lorenzo: Well, there are dozens of aliens, but they won’t get through the fire, that’s for sure! When the fire ceases, you’ll make a run for it and shoot into the room, right?
Brother Zael: but you will be caught in the blast!
Sergeant Lorenzo: That doesn’t really matter! If this report gets enough thumbs, I’ll reappear in the sequel: ”The search for more thumbs”. I hope this gets to be a series!
Brother Zael: Well, if you say so…It’s not like I will survive this with all these aliens around…”Let’s Burn!!!”.
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Branko K.
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Gordon Adams
United Kingdom
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Seems like Brother Lorenzo was are getting thumbs up Clever, cunning chappie

So, to those who said they hated SH: write as the OP and you will get all the thumbs up you want

See, that is how SH Geekers get thumbs up. The rest never will, even those who do not hate the game and enjoy playing .The fact that some did not like the mini assemblimg will forever be considered as enemies laugh
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