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Subject: When offering to play with wood isn't enough anymore... rss

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Sarah Leven
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Hello out there! I have a problem stimulating my boyfriend... to play enough board games! We've been dating for about 6 months now and we met at a gaming group through Meetup. Before we actually started dating he would hang out with me and play board games. I'm actually fairly new to the hobby, having played my first Euro last November. I play Magic all through high school and D&D as well. So board gaming is a natural fit with me. He actually taught me Agricola, Dominion, Power Grid, Goa, Phoenicia, Pandemic, and LOTR- co-op. I feel like he's getting bored of playing with me. There are only a few games I don't like, namely Puerto Rico, Amun-Re, and Sabateur. I enjoy most others. My top favorite five are, in no particular order- Race for the Galaxy, Dominion, Goa, Pandemic, and Power Grid with Agricola as an honorable mention. He's been playing for years and years. How do I get him more interested in gaming again? If it was up to me I'd play at least five or six medium weight or more type games every week. I just ordered Stone Age and Ghost Stories last night. I don't think having more games will help that much- between us we have 60 to 70 more serious type games. Any suggestions?
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Phil
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Find a new hobby. Or he should. Or at least include more players into the group.
Always playing against or with the same guy/gal can become frustrating. It can be poison to a relationship, so don't ruin your hobby and enforce it on him. Find others to play with.
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John Lopez
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Harlekin wrote:
Find a new hobby. Or he should. Or at least include more players into the group.
Always playing against or with the same guy/gal can become frustrating. It can be poison to a relationship, so don't ruin your hobby and enforce it on him. Find others to play with.


The comment sounds a bit harsh, but if you think about this there is much truth to it.

There is something to be said for having a broad range of interests. While I love board games I also love rock climbing and I'm willing to just mall rat with my wife and hang out with her while she shops. On weekends we rarely play games just ourselves (although we do when the mood strikes us).

A singular focus can become tiresome. Instead I have a weekly game night or two here at the house and then I go out every week or so to a game with a diverse group. Sometimes my wife comes with, sometimes not.

When we play together it is because the mood struck us, not because it is a "requirement". Trust me on this last point: *anything* in a relationship that becomes a "requirement" will become a problem.
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Belgand
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Maybe he just wants a change of scenery because the Euros just aren't doing it for him quite the same way that they used to. Perhaps he just wants you to be all Ameritrashy for him every once in a while. Be forward about it. Just pull out that copy of Space Hulk and ask if he wants to play with your miniatures.

Just be there for him and willing to try new and different things even if they feel a bit weird at first (though you said you have a background in D&D and Magic so it's not like you haven't been there before). It's better than coming home and finding his hands all over someone else's chits.
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John Lopez
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Belgand wrote:
Maybe he just wants a change of scenery because the Euros just aren't doing it for him quite the same way that they used to. Perhaps he just wants you to be all Ameritrashy for him every once in a while. Be forward about it. Just pull out that copy of Space Hulk and ask if he wants to play with your miniatures.


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Joshua Love
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My suggestion would be like one of the geeks here. Pick up something new. A lot of Ero games seem to be pretty user friendly and co-op (which it me would get very boring very fast). Maybe what he needs is the chance to kick your butt (or you kicking his ). Grab a light-ish wargame like Memoir 44 or something for yourselves, or try to get a larger game to the table with your game group.

I also agree with another geek when he said that anything in a relationship that becomes a requirement becomes a problem. I'm a young married man (been so for 3 years), and know this very well, but had to learn it the hard way.

Hope things work out for you and your boyfriend. Kind of an odd thread though, normally it's the guy who ends up wishing his girlfriend/wife would pick up a game when he wants to.
Best of wishes.
 
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Sarah Leven
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Believe it or not I actually do a fair amount of gaming without him, usually 3 to 5 hours a week that doesn't include him. We do a lot of other things together too- go to the theater (usually his suggestion but I very much enjoy it), go for nature walks, watch sci-fi movies/tv shows together, and read books (currently LOTR, next up the Silmarillion). I just feel like he's losing interest in his little wooden cubes, although he is buying Endeavor, Pandemic: On the Brink, and the RFTG expansion in our recent order. But we'll only play each a few times before he'll lose interest.
 
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Andrew Snyder
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sometime people get burned out on things and need a break. Don't sweat it.
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Belgand
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nervousbutterfly wrote:
Believe it or not I actually do a fair amount of gaming without him, usually 3 to 5 hours a week that doesn't include him. We do a lot of other things together too- go to the theater (usually his suggestion but I very much enjoy it), go for nature walks, watch sci-fi movies/tv shows together, and read books (currently LOTR, next up the Silmarillion). I just feel like he's losing interest in his little wooden cubes, although he is buying Endeavor, Pandemic: On the Brink, and the RFTG expansion in our recent order. But we'll only play each a few times before he'll lose interest.


Maybe it's because so many of those games are fairly self-contained and lack both a long-term campaign or deep theme to maintain interest. Maybe longer games that can be played over multiple nights rather than the brief, unsatisfying quickies that most Euros provide.
 
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Phil
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My wife hated new games, it was always hard to get her to play any. But when she got the hang of it she really shined in it. Her last favorite was Dominion and she never lost. At least not against me.
Myself? I am a born gamer, I was raised with games but I can't stand to play the same game over and over so I need new games every now and then (like, every time?).

You see, that was a problem in our relationship. She really wanted to play this or that game and I was annoyed. But I started to do her the favor. I lost. Of course. No problem for me. But she started to complain that I lacked the compassion, that I didn't even want to win anymore, am not concentrated and so on blah blah. And if that is your most important hobby (for both) it gets complicated...

That was one of the reason I kicked her out of my house yesterday. May she burn in hell.
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Sarah Leven
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I love playing games with him but I hope it doesn't become such a horrible subject we get to that point! Maybe I should just wait for the new order to come in and see if he wants to play. He really enjoys playing Battle Lore with me but it just takes so darn long to set up. What types of games are long and interesting that don't have more than a 30 minute set up?
 
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Phil
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Let the new order arrive, let him choose a game (without telling him to) where he will read the rules and take the lead.
 
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Trent Hamm
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Harlekin wrote:
That was one of the reason I kicked her out of my house yesterday. May she burn in hell.


One of the reasons you kicked your wife out of your house and hope that she burns in hell is that she preferred to re-play games, while you'd rather try new ones?

*backs away slowly*
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Phil
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trenttsd wrote:
Harlekin wrote:
That was one of the reason I kicked her out of my house yesterday. May she burn in hell.


One of the reasons you kicked your wife out of your house and hope that she burns in hell is that she preferred to re-play games, while you'd rather try new ones?

*backs away slowly*
Mostly because she betrayed me. But according to her that was one of the reasons why she stopped loving me: me not wanting to play old games over and over and over and...

Learned my lesson. Life ruined.
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Sarah Leven
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I can't even imagine using my boyfriend's want of playing new games as a justification to cheat on him or treat him badly. I can't even imagine wanting to leave over it. Wow...
 
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Ralph T
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Sounds like you two need to take a break from gaming. Do other things, like play Rock Band or Guitar Hero, go out and do some activities, double date (maybe then you can find some good boardgaming partners).
 
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Anwar Dalati
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His disinterest could really be due to any number of reasons... without wanting to get overly inquisitive, might I ask how old the two of you are and what you are currently doing (studying/working etc.)? Times of transition (e.g. from college to job or undergraduate to graduate) can often have such effects.

As general advice all I can offer would be to talk openly about it. There are a few good suggestions in this thread, but they can only go so far in solving the problem if you don't know what the problem is.

I love playing with my wife, but there are some games that just aren't for her; or, even at the risk of sounding chauvinistic, not for women in general (I have foresworn of playing A Line in the Sand: The Battle of Iraq with women EVER again). Maybe he feels that way as well, so just give him a bit of breathing room.
 
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Erin Leonhard
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If he's been gaming for a long time, maybe his interest in the hobby is just waning? It happens; sometimes we need to feel longing in order to remember how much we love something. The last time I felt burnt out on gaming I took a little break, then became re-addicted at a convention, where I tried all sorts of shiny new games.
 
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Garcian Smith
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FaydeShift wrote:
My suggestion would be like one of the geeks here. Pick up something new. A lot of Ero games seem to be pretty user friendly and co-op (which it me would get very boring very fast).


I certainly hope they are co-op.
 
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Phil
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Revelade wrote:
FaydeShift wrote:
My suggestion would be like one of the geeks here. Pick up something new. A lot of Ero games seem to be pretty user friendly and co-op (which it me would get very boring very fast).


I certainly hope they are co-op.
I believe he meant "Euro" games, not "Ero" games...
 
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Marcin S
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Harlekin wrote:
trenttsd wrote:
Harlekin wrote:
That was one of the reason I kicked her out of my house yesterday. May she burn in hell.


One of the reasons you kicked your wife out of your house and hope that she burns in hell is that she preferred to re-play games, while you'd rather try new ones?

*backs away slowly*
Mostly because she betrayed me. But according to her that was one of the reasons why she stopped loving me: me not wanting to play old games over and over and over and...

Learned my lesson. Life ruined.


I see a need for another Geek Microbadge here: "Used to play games with spouse", or "No longer plays games with spouse".
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Bryan Carpenter
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Just another thought to add to the good number in this thread. Have you guys tried 'lighter' games? All the ones you list seem quite serious games, mebbe a little light-heartedness is called for?

Me and my girlfriend both love Eurogaming. I'm a D&D player of 20-odd years and a Magic player of about 7 years so I'm not new to gaming, per se, but my gf had never really done any gaming past Monopoly/Scene-It/Cranium type of thing.

She got me the Killer Bunnies card game for my birthday - possibly the best present she has ever got me! We both really enjoyed the silliness of it and that got us picking up some more serious games. But we always make a point of picking up silly games as well. So if we're not in the mood for Agricola or Carcasonne we can play Black Sheep or Killer Bunnies.

I really think this helps as it keeps things varied and stops the hobby getting same-y. Hope that helps!
 
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MsbS wrote:
trenttsd wrote:
Harlekin wrote:
That was one of the reason I kicked her out of my house yesterday. May she burn in hell.


One of the reasons you kicked your wife out of your house and hope that she burns in hell is that she preferred to re-play games, while you'd rather try new ones?

*backs away slowly*


I see a need for another Geek Microbadge here: "Used to play games with spouse", or "No longer plays games with spouse".


Or Holy-Shit-There's-a-Car-Wreck-in-General-Gaming wow

Umm...

Back on topic- I agree, it sounds like he needs a break from gaming. On this website that's the equivalent of being bonkers, but in the real world it's not so uncommon for people to take a break and recharge. Give him time, and remember that the relationship is more important than a gaming partner.

-R
 
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Jason Beck
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The advice about a) taking a break or at least b) finding more people to play with (since it's true, people can get bored of playing games solely with each other, no matter how fond they are of said other) is good, but (not to sound flippant) have you tried just talking to him about it?

It doesn't have to (and shouldn't) be confrontational, it could just be, "Oh hey, I lurv me some games and it seems like lately they're not as fun for you as they've been in the past. I'd still love to play games with you, so is there something we can do to make it more interesting for you?" (And then discuss the advice mentioned above in the thread.)

In this, as in many things, I suspect just asking could be helpful =)
 
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Sarah Leven
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Actually, he and I talked it out last night and I think we've come to an understanding. Actually, one of his frustrations was that he didn't feel like I wanted to play heavy enough games. For a while I was so hooked on Dominion, which is fun but rather light for his tastes, that he was feeling like it was a waste of his time. We're both in our late twenties and working at career type jobs, so gaming is a nice escape for us. He just purchases Endeavor and hopefully we'll get to give it a whirl soon!
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