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Yes, I really am that awesome.
When my dad had sinus surgery, he called the heavy duty post-op nasal spray they prescribed for him "brain douche".I had a friend in the hospital because of a recurrent severe bloody nose (we suspect it was caused by abuse of illegal substances, but that's not the point here). The doctors shoved this wad of cotton up his nose, and there was a string attached to the cotton so that they could pull it back out when it came time to change the cotton.
The string and cotton thing came in a box that had "NASAL TAMPON" written on the side in large block letters.