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Subject: Gah! I am really cranky. rss

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The amazing & fabulous
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This morning on my 50 minute run with the dogs, Max (the jack russell) stopped to do a big, smelly and very sloppy poo.

I always carry a poo bag in my pocket for occasions like this, so I stopped and started to get it out of my pocket and this crotchety old lady comes up to me and starts yelling abuse at me for letting ,my dog poo on the street.

I pulled my iPod headphones out and tried to tell her I was trying to pick it up. She would not let me get a word out. Max had chosen a very overgrown nature strip to do his business, and I was just putting the bag over my hand and attempting to pick it up.

Then the old lady stands over me, still yelling at me to pick it up and in my anxious state I managed to get his poo all over my fingers.

It was awful. So smelly. I sort of started to cry a bit, cause this lady is still yelling at me. Eventually I managed to get most of it into the bag and the bag tied in a knot, and most of the poo off my hand.

Only then did this woman walk away.

She was standing right over me, and here I am holding two excited dogs in one hand and attempting to do the right thing. It was really upsetting.

I wish I knew where she lived so I could throw the poo bag in her yard. But I don't.

At least it made me upset and angry enough to run the rest of the way home.

What a cow.
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She's not long for this Earth with that kind of hypertension...
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The amazing & fabulous
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Del_Esau wrote:
She's not long for this Earth with that kind of hypertension...


Oh, snap!

Thanks Ghoestie - you deserve squishies.
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The Steak Fairy
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That lady went home and laughed her ass off. You should have just smeared the feces in her hair and mouth, and started making insane barking noises. I would have. You also should have given your dogs a very loud, very fake kill command. "Robespierre, Nikolai!! Tear out her throat!!!!" Something of that nature. I'll bet that would have shut her up for a second, at least.
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James Bentley
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I would have been very tempted to hold out the bag and say, "Lady, could you hold on a minute, I can only deal with one old bag full of crap at a time!"

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist that after picking up on your obvious frustration. I wouldn't actually have said what I suggested, but I would have thought it...

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Hammock Backpacker
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I can't explain why I thought of this video but hey, that's the way my brain works. You'll either think it's funny or you'll think, WTF?!

But..there it is. Hope it helps seeing a REALLY crazy lady, in the park, with dogs...

Oh...NSFW...

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Mystery McMysteryface
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shebby wrote:
This morning on my 50 minute run with the dogs, Max (the jack russell) stopped to do a big, smelly and very sloppy poo.

I always carry a poo bag in my pocket for occasions like this, so I stopped and started to get it out of my pocket and this crotchety old lady comes up to me and starts yelling abuse at me for letting ,my dog poo on the street.

I pulled my iPod headphones out and tried to tell her I was trying to pick it up. She would not let me get a word out. Max had chosen a very overgrown nature strip to do his business, and I was just putting the bag over my hand and attempting to pick it up.

Then the old lady stands over me, still yelling at me to pick it up and in my anxious state I managed to get his poo all over my fingers.

It was awful. So smelly. I sort of started to cry a bit, cause this lady is still yelling at me. Eventually I managed to get most of it into the bag and the bag tied in a knot, and most of the poo off my hand.

Only then did this woman walk away.

She was standing right over me, and here I am holding two excited dogs in one hand and attempting to do the right thing. It was really upsetting.

I wish I knew where she lived so I could throw the poo bag in her yard. But I don't.

At least it made me upset and angry enough to run the rest of the way home.

What a cow.


Poor Shebby! :HUGS:

kiss
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Billy McBoatface
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I probably would have flung some poo at her.

But I'm kind of anti-social that way.
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Christian Jorgensen
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I'm afraid I'll have to add another vote to the 'should have flicked poo at the old bag' crowd.
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Man, you ever see that movie Run Lola Run, where she just starts screaming as loud as she can as hard as she can for a long time? That would have been an appropriate response.

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The Steak Fairy
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That is in my top 20 films of all time. I love that film.
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shebby wrote:
I wish I knew where she lived so I could throw the poo bag in her yard. But I don't.

You should have the dogs sniff out her trail. Then dress up as zombie-shebby and take the bag of poo and light it on fire on her doorstep (this would entail transferring it to a paper sack though). that would likely freak her out a bit...
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Stephen Dunne
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See, this is where the use of "Go fuck yourself" is entirely appropriate.
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Samuel Sol
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shebby wrote:
this crotchety old lady comes up to me and starts yelling abuse at me for letting ,my dog poo on the street.


I would pick it up and drop on her purse or blouse. Here that would make me get arrested because there are laws that prohibit you from mistreating the elderly (although they can pretty much throw whatever abuse they want in your face), but getting yelled for nothing? That is stupid.

Sorry to hear you suffered from that.
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Richard Hedke
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This is why you should always carry a gun when running. The feral elderly are becoming a worldwide hazzard. Don't leave the problem for someone else, when you encounter a feral elderly put them down at once.
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João 'Finding a new way to make you WTF today' Marum
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I don't understand. You are an army vehicle. Therefore the only logical solution would have to been run her over. Twice.

Then again just to make sure.
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You should have spanked her.
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June King
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I have to agree with Chapel on this one. A old-fashioned spanking with a good stiff hairbrush. Then I would have flung the poo at her.
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David Matchen
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In future, run with dingoes. Then see how many self-righteous wankers complain about their business.

Spoiler (click to reveal)
A dingo ate my baby!
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Chris Tannhauser
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shebby wrote:
...a big, smelly and very sloppy poo.

This is where you earned my thumbs!

Seriously, though, the proper response to unreason is absurdity. Start with something simple, like, "I'm just here for the hair." The trick is not to answer questions or allow the other person to dictate the tempo or subject matter of the encounter. So, really, it doesn't matter what they say—you're just going to ignore them while making your case:

CRAZY LADY: !!!

SHEBBY: I'm just here for the hair!

CL: ?!

SHEBBY: Did you know that people can get hairballs?

CL: ?!

SHEBBY: If they eat too much hair, like children sometimes do.

CL: ?!

SHEBBY: Not that they're eating children's hair—though that would do it—but it's probably illegal. Do you know if it's illegal to eat children's hair?

CL: ?!

SHEBBY: These hairballs can be as big as a child's head and have to be surgically removed.

CL: ?!

SHEBBY: You don't need surgery, do you? To remove that head-sized hairball?

And so on until you win.

I know you think I'm trying to be funny right now, but this stuff really works. It can help to have a couple of go-to topics for when you're caught off guard (as you unfortunately were), like orphans, leprechauns, mole people or "the thing in the trunk of my car." And once you blurt that first bit, just start free-associating like, you know, "the ones that come down from the sky."

It helps to practice with friends and family to get a couple of non-sensical loops burned in. In actual usage I don't recommend weaving in elements the other person presents until you've mastered the skill.

Remember: reasonable people can be reasoned with, everyone else gets The Sock.
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除名山 蔵芽戸
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So Shebby and Josh were the same person all along!?!?!
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KSensei wrote:
So Shebby and Josh were the same person all along!?!?!


That's a nightmare I don't even want to think about.
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Bear Gordon
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HiveGod wrote:

CRAZY LADY: !!!

SHEBBY: I'm just here for the hair!

CL: ?!


WHOAH! KINDRED! I like to do ligaments but anything will work. The best is to work in nouns as verbs.

"I ligamented the littlest puppy first and worked forward."

Also talk about people that don't exist by their first name.

"Sarah Josephine makes a very buttery ligament but I am not allowed to taste them until after dinner."

You have to practice until it is not funny anymore.
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João 'Finding a new way to make you WTF today' Marum
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HiveGod wrote:
Remember: reasonable people can be reasoned with, everyone else gets The Sock.


Ah yes, the Force is strong in this one.
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Kris Miller
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KSensei wrote:
So Shebby and Josh were the same person all along!?!?!


Logic would seem to dictate that.
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