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Subject: "I feel awkward" - Thoughts/questions on finding other gamers rss

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K J
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In the past few years my gaming group has grown apart (kids, jobs and the like) and we don't share the same free time we used to. I, being a teacher, still have a fair amount of time and love playing.

The thought has passed my mind of maybe finding some local gamers. My afterthought however is the social anxiety of finding and meeting people. I know my stuff but I am not your cliche`, hard core gamer anymore. I prefer to sit at a table, bs, laugh and throw some dice. Every time I walk into my local game store (RIW Hobbies = AMAZING) I see a lot of people there but most seem a bit too hardcore.

Any thoughts?
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K J
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Good post. Yeah, I guess my posting did have a vibe to it of some sort. Not meant like that. I guess knowing that it is a common thing to just look for gamers to play with is cool. I am more worried I will seem like a tool then me thinking other people suck...I grew up a somewhat closeted gamer. I am sure there is someone there who knows what I am talking about. Thanks
 
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Nathan James
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I had the same problem. I live in a smaller city, which doesn't have a huge gamer population, though there are more folks out there than I realized at first. So what I needed to do was create a group or resign myself to solitaire exercises and two-player games with my partner.

I started inviting a group of close, non-gamer friends over for a casual game night. I focused on simple, "gateway" games, which would let us do just what you describe, sit, bs, laugh, have fun. Since I am new to gaming in general, it took a bit to get a feel for the right games. Now I have a loyal group of three who will come over at least once a week and try almost any game I put out.

More interesting, a group of "huh, what is this you guys are doing" folks is starting to develop amongst acquaintances, and we are trying to work out how to get them over and get them involved.

The most successful games so far have been:
Carcasonne
Zooloretto
Last Night on Earth
Cosmic Encounter

And, even though it's a two player game...
Mr. Jack

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Nathan Little
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bonocrow wrote:
Good post. Yeah, I guess my posting did have a vibe to it of some sort. Not meant like that. I guess knowing that it is a common thing to just look for gamers to play with is cool. I am more worried I will seem like a tool then me thinking other people suck...I grew up a somewhat closeted gamer. I am sure there is someone there who knows what I am talking about. Thanks


I wouldn't worry too much about it, dude. Most gamers will be fairly empathetic to a closet gamer. Some might razz you a little, but nothing serious.
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Chris Schenck
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bonocrow wrote:
Any thoughts?

I notice that you also have another thread here on BGG asking for advice about what CCG you should get into. I just want to toss out a warning here (at the risk of incurring geek-wrath) that if you're intimidated by "hardcore gamer" and elitism, you're probably going to be exposed to a good amount of that by getting into CCGs, especially if you start exploring the local tournament scene. It's not that CCGs are that much more of a hardcore game than other games, but they do (in my experience) seem to attract more than their share of elitist hardcore gamer types.
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Jason Waeber
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superflypete wrote:
Heck, tonight at 5 I'm heading to Mason, OH to play games with a group of dudes I've never met before, that like Euros where I'm an Ameritrasher (mostly). It's going to rock!

Lol, just FTR, it's Milford. You might have a slightly longer trek if you're heading to Mason....

But, as the organizer of said playgroup, the Geek is actually a tremendous resource for this. A couple months ago, I put up a little thread half expecting nothing to come of it, and now I'm a touch worried I'm going to have too many people coming over on Mondays. Honestly, gamers just want to game. Give it a little time, throw a thread up in the appropriate forum, and I'm willing to bet they'll find you.



Also, on the CCG thing, I'm a (very recently) ex-Magic player, and I actually loved it. IMHO there's lots of different groups, but there tends to be a very clear divide between "casual" and "serious" CCG players, even more so than boardgamers. I was definitely in the "serious" crowd, and I still feel a little tinge of distaste any time someone says they play something "casually." "Casual" has just come to mean "bad" in my head, and awkwardly, I don't think it's actually that wrong.

I wasn't an ass, but there's a lot more tension between "serious" and "casual" than there is in other forums, and there are a lot of asses in the "serious" group. Just be prepped for it. If you have a thick skin, or are prepared to grow one, it's actually great, great fun though. The fact that the format is always changing and growing, as well as the regular tournament support, is extremely appealing. Thinking about my poor limited rating still sitting stagnant just under 1900 does make me a touch sad....
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K J
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Yeah, I think if i get into a card game it will be a non magic one amongst buds.

Killing Dr. Lucky! I love that game. I bought that at U-Con years ago when it came in an envelope and you had to use pennys to play. Ahhhh cheap-ass-games...so great.

It is a bummer about elitist gamers. I have tried a few random games back in college with some D&D but wow...most were horrible. They either went way way too casual and goofy with it or too intense (once saw a guy who was playing a female character role play a seduction scene with his good friend the DM - I get role playing games need a little role playing, but eesh!).

I have found some good people on here so this may be a place to look for some people to play with.
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Michael Edwards
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Just like with all relationships, I'm sure there will be some gamers who will be better fits for your gaming tastes and style, and some that won't fit so well. There may even be some who fall at the extreme ends.

Still, you won't be able to find 'em and find out unless you just get out there and try!
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Dr ?
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bonocrow wrote:
Yeah, I think if i get into a card game it will be a non magic one amongst buds.

Killing Dr. Lucky! I love that game. I bought that at U-Con years ago when it came in an envelope and you had to use pennys to play. Ahhhh cheap-ass-games...so great.

It is a bummer about elitist gamers. I have tried a few random games back in college with some D&D but wow...most were horrible. They either went way way too casual and goofy with it or too intense (once saw a guy who was playing a female character role play a seduction scene with his good friend the DM - I get role playing games need a little role playing, but eesh!).

I have found some good people on here so this may be a place to look for some people to play with.


they were more than good friends
 
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James Webb Space Telescope in 2018!
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I know what you mean about the social anxiety. In my experience, gamers tend to be that way, even perhaps a majority of gamers.

I have meet face to face with several people I met here on BGG. They have without fail being nice, regular people - people I had more in common with and got along with more than probably your average person on the street.

So I would keep trying. It probably won't take too many tries in meeting people to find people you like to game with. Once you've played a game or two I expect you'll feel like they are friends instead of strangers.


Post in your local area BGG forum asking about local game groups or ask if some people want to meet you for some gaming at a local Borders bookstore
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/forum/83/boardgamegeek/midwest

I've heard meetup.com is a good way to find people too, but I've never tried it.

 
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K J
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Chanfan wrote:
Just like with all relationships, I'm sure there will be some gamers who will be better fits for your gaming tastes and style, and some that won't fit so well. There may even be some who fall at the extreme ends.

Still, you won't be able to find 'em and find out unless you just get out there and try!


Too funny, I did start having the feeling that I was posting on some dating forum. You know, I bet there has to be an Eharmony for gamers out there, if not, there is money waiting for the one who creates it.
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James Webb Space Telescope in 2018!
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bonocrow wrote:
Chanfan wrote:
Just like with all relationships, I'm sure there will be some gamers who will be better fits for your gaming tastes and style, and some that won't fit so well. There may even be some who fall at the extreme ends.

Still, you won't be able to find 'em and find out unless you just get out there and try!


Too funny, I did start having the feeling that I was posting on some dating forum. You know, I bet there has to be an Eharmony for gamers out there, if not, there is money waiting for the one who creates it.

You never know, it could work out that way too. Just specify which gender you want to game with.
:D
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Chris Schenck
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bonocrow wrote:
Too funny, I did start having the feeling that I was posting on some dating forum. You know, I bet there has to be an Eharmony for gamers out there, if not, there is money waiting for the one who creates it.

laugh

"My turn-ons are slow dancing, long walks on the beach, and squad-level tactical combat simulations."
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K J
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cbs42 wrote:
bonocrow wrote:
Too funny, I did start having the feeling that I was posting on some dating forum. You know, I bet there has to be an Eharmony for gamers out there, if not, there is money waiting for the one who creates it.

laugh

"My turn-ons are slow dancing, long walks on the beach, and squad-level tactical combat simulations."


My dice or yours? PvP action? There are a lot of parallels in love and games
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Korey Jackson
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Also, if you haven't yet and if it's close enough, check out Vault of Midnight on Main st in Ann Arbor. They have scheduled game nights (Thurs 6-10pm) and open gaming on Sunday (1-8pm). Lots of nice people (even the hardest of the hard core are willing to help out the casualest of casual slacks) and always great games.

Here's their upcoming schedule (looks like it's Vlaada-heavy, which can only be a good thing):
http://www.vaultofmidnight.com/pages/index.php?cat=9
 
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Michael Roop
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Quote:
Every time I walk into my local game store (RIW Hobbies = AMAZING) I see a lot of people there but most seem a bit too hardcore.


One thing to remember about those who play games (can't speak for CCG) in a game
store, they've most likely been playing together for quite a while. I can play
Chaos In The Old World with anyone, however when I game it with my group we want
to beat each other so it gets alittle more serious. I'm betting a group you get
into will be more "loosey goosey" with you, while playing hard against each other. It's just a nature of the beast, and should not scare you off.

What to remember about gamers.
(Skip to about 1:20 in to listen to Josh.)

Not sure if you're near my area of Michigan but it you are, you're more than
welcome to meet me.
 
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Eric Jome
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bonocrow wrote:
Any thoughts?


Join the hardcore gaming crowd.
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Mike Kozlowski
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bonocrow wrote:
Every time I walk into my local game store (RIW Hobbies = AMAZING) I see a lot of people there but most seem a bit too hardcore.


From what I've seen, the people in RIW are mostly Magic players. As much as I love Magic and enjoy playing it, I'd never play with the people who play "publicly", as there's a huge bright-line difference between casual Magic and hardcore Magic (or so I imagine from my exposure to people who do play that way).

For other games, though, I don't think there's quite as much of a hardcore scene. In the metro Detroit area, there are two groups that I know of that meet regularly -- ROBA, up in Rochester Hills; and an Ann Arbor Gaming Group in Ann Arbor. I've never gone to either of them, due to hating to meet new people, of course...
 
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Remus Rhymus
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Quick story: I live in the Philadelphia area and a couple years ago I was on business in Salt Lake City. I found a local game store and found out they had open board gaming on Wednesday nights. WooHoo! I knew what I was doing Wednesday night! Next thing you know, my boss tells me Wednesday during the day that we're going to take some clients out to dinner that night. Nooooooo!!! Of all nights! I was there Monday and Tuesday... nothing. Now Wednesday night I actually have gaming plans and I've got to cancel them. Well, I got over it and had a good time Wednesday night at dinner. So, now it's Thursday. I got off work at 5:00. I'm flying home Friday. I'm dying to get some gaming in. Using BGG as a resource, I found some SLC area gamers and sent out a few emails that I was in town on business and bored and up for some gaming - just checking if any game nights are going on. One guy got back to me within an hour and invited me to his house for gaming! The whole time I'm sending out the emails, I'm thinking "This is a shot in the dark", not really expecting to do any gaming. Now all of a sudden I actually have something fun to do besides staring at the TV in my hotel room! It was a 45 minute drive from where I was staying. The whole drive down I was kind of nervous, thinking about what kind of people they're going to be, what if it's weird, what if they're serial killers? Anyway, I find his house and what a great guy! I gamed with him, his wife and his brother for 5 to 6 hours. They were the kindest people, we had a great time bs-ing, cracking wise, playing games. We played Kingsburg, Fury of Dracula and Crokinole. It was not much different than gaming with my buddies from back home. That night made my trip! Looking back on the whole thing, it was quite an experience. It kind of reinforced a feeling that there's a unique camaraderie among gamers.

Not long after that trip, I found and joined an area game club. I just started going to the meetings and never had a problem finding people to game with. Yeah, maybe the first day at the game club was a little awkward, kind of just walking around watching others play for a bit until someone invited me to join them. Since then it's been cake. I've been going to this game club regularly for two years now and look forward to every meeting. I guess the point is gamers are out there, game clubs are out there, meetups are out there... Use BGG to help you find clubs and meetups and just go. Before you know it, you'll probably be gaming regularly with a new group of people and having a great time.
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Brad Miller
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Face it, you are awkward.

So go play a game!
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Remus Rhymus
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Windopaene wrote:
Face it, you are awkward.

So go play a game!


I guess Solo gaming is always an option.
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remus wrote:
Quick story [...]

If you're ever in the Dayton area give me a hollar. I have a pretty good game collection. If you're over before 9pm we may have to deal with the kids causing chaos, but after that we're golden.
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Remus Rhymus
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cbs42 wrote:
remus wrote:
Quick story [...]

If you're ever in the Dayton area give me a hollar. I have a pretty good game collection. If you're over before 9pm we may have to deal with the kids causing chaos, but after that we're golden.


Just geekbuddied you, Chris. Will do and thanks! Same goes for you if you're passing through Philly.
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Jamey Philipp
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Take the bull by the horns and setup an event. I use meetup.com

I get a good mix a casual gamers and hardcore gamers. It certainly is the largest monthly event in Milwaukee.

There are quite a few hardcore gamers that won't come to something like this, but it sounds like you don't need them from your description of yourself. You sound like me; middle of the road. I want more than the casual people can offer, and I can hold my own in the exclusive hardcore crowd, I just don't want to.

Checkout my site and judge for yourself. I have a couple hundred members of which half are active. Maybe 25 regulars to each event with 10-25 active members rotating in and out.

We just had our January event and it was awesome!

www.meetup.com/mmbgmu
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Kris Van Beurden
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bonocrow wrote:


It is a bummer about elitist gamers. I have tried a few random games back in college with some D&D but wow...most were horrible. They either went way way too casual and goofy with it or too intense (once saw a guy who was playing a female character role play a seduction scene with his good friend the DM - I get role playing games need a little role playing, but eesh!).
.



So, roleplay can only be hack 'n slash for you? No personal relationships (except for the female players playing female characters)?


I love to GM, am quite secure in my sexuality, but that doesn't stop me from giving all my players (interested in this) significant others. Even if that means I have to play female NPCs & roleplay love scenes with male players/characters.
 
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