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Subject: Well, looks like I fell for it.... (Updated with After Action Report) rss

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Jeff
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So, yeah. Valentine's Day, and I'm in trouble again.

To set the stage, we have to turn back the clock a few weeks, to catalogue various discussions that my lovely wife and I had.

One was about a cruise we had thought about going on - I'll spare you the details, but the end result was that we decided that at this point in time (with the economy, etc) we shouldn't plan any major trips or getaways, and should save our money to put towards some debt we're trying to finish off. (at least that was what I got out of the conversation...)

Another was out shopping (yes, I know, follow the 'don't spend money' conversation with the 'shopping' one, but that's how it happened...) She had found some nice clothes, and wanted them, but wasn't sure she wanted them bad enough to buy them, so she brightened and said 'Hey, they could be an early Valentine's day present! Great, right?

Then, last night. She looks over at me after dinner and says, "So, do you have anything planned for tomorrow?"

EEEK!

Well, other than thinking that I didn't need a gift, as she'd got one already, and I didn't need to plan anything big because we'd decided we weren't going to do that in the near future (evidently missed that one!)

Oh, boy. Well, Momma always told me to tell the truth, you can't get into trouble for that, right? After all, I did have some things in mind, so yeah, this will work!

Me: "Well, sweetheart, I thought we'd spend the whole day together. Nice dinner, curl up together and watch the birds, maybe sit in the hot tub - just generally enjoy the day together!"

Her: "So, you don't have anything planned, then?"

Me: "Um... well, yeah, I have a lot of ideas... but I guess if you mean do I have them scheduled... you know, '0945 - Sit In The Hot Tub, 1015 - Curl Up In Front Of Fire', then, no, there is no schedule. I just thought we could... you know... play it by ear, but spend the day being together."

Her: "(Sigh!) So, like I said, you don't have anything planned then, right?"

Another valentine's day, and another day I'm in trouble. You know, I'll say it - I hate valentine's day. I'm just not really a romantic I guess, and I have trouble figuring this stuff out. I do try to do things that I think the wife will enjoy, but I always seem to fall short - and, yes, I've asked for help, but I get the 'you should know!' speech. I guess I'm supposed to be able to just know all these little details about planning... must've slept through that course in school at some point, I guess...

Anyway, not giving up. Going to fix her breakfast, then try to spend the day showing her that just being together and spedning the day doesn't have to be planned, but still can be fun!

(Yes, I know, I'm doomed. Let me live with hope a little longer, though...)
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John Earles
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
... and what plans did she have?

Sadly, somewhere along the way Valentine's Day seems to have taken on a decidedly "Men -> Women" feel. shake
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Hopefully becoming a restaurant owner soon! Peter Melanson
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Sounds like someone thinks the "Hollywood" way is the only way to be romantic.

It just doesn't happen like in the movies.

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Dan Cristelli
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
I totally agree with John here - somewhere along the way it became a stupid Holiday for what guys should be doing for their significant others. Lame.

I'm not much of a fan of this holiday either. BLEAH!

Forced or expected romance isn't romance at all, imho.
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Ken
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
None of you fellas have been married very long, eh?
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Tim Thorp
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"Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby! Come on! I don't got all day! Come on! Come on! Come on you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? "
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
6 years is obviously not long enough. Yeah, I was snared. My wife was annoyed that we always seem to be low on money just before the next paychecks come in. She said we both need to be a little more careful on what we spend money on. I agreed with that.



So I got her a card, and a small box of chocolates. She'll be getting up in a few minutes. We'll see if I survive this one.
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Stephen Dunne
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
The advantage I have is that since the wife and I both work in the restaurant biz, we are pretty burned out on crap like valentines day.

So, we just had a nice dinner at home last night, and today is just another day.
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Mystery McMysteryface
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Hobbespm wrote:
Sounds like someone thinks the "Hollywood" way is the only way to be romantic.

It just doesn't happen like in the movies.



Sadly it seems to me that she feels that you need to have exciting exorbitant plans that cost money in order to show how you feel about her????

I got my hubby a card and we got our daughter a card and a few things she wanted yesterday (which I paid for with an unused gift card).

The day you have planned to spend together sounds very romantic and fun to me.

But then, I'm not like the majority of women. I think that a man who is willing to spend 1 on 1 quality time just being together without any hoopla is a man who cares about me very much. No distractions in order to have fun!!

I love having 100% of my husband's attention and company--something we rarely do or have since we had a child. Those are special days/moments that couples should cherish.

Maybe I'm the one who is wrong???? Or does she need something exciting to tell her co-workers/gf's tomorrow to make her feel validated, special, or better than them?????

Hmmmmmmm......
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John Earles
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
artfuldodge2 wrote:
None of you fellas have been married very long, eh?


Married 5 years, but have been in a happy relationship for 13.

I try to show my wife every day that she is special to me. I don't need a designated day to do things to show her that I am lucky that she is in my life.
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
This is why I like that it's Naz's birthday. I get to do all kinds of fun things for his birthday and watch him enjoy it. I have never and will never celebrate Valentine's day.

I told my ex the first year we were together that I absolutely did not celebrate Valentine's Day. Period. He said okay and spent that week getting berated by his women coworkers who insisted that I was lying and that I secretly wanted him to do something. Fortunately, he trusted me and we never celebrated V-day.
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Tim Thorp
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Update:

My wife rocks! She got the card, and the chocolates, and her heart melted. She likes the thought more than the "what did you get". (She does have her eyes on a set of earrings, though. I told her go ahead and get them! She laughed and said she'd consider them from me.)

Later today, we're going to watch Amelie. Life am good!
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JessA
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Here's something that might help in the romance department! Have you heard of the Five Love Languages?

It might seem a bit corny, but I find it to be a good tool for helping someone feel loved.

Here's a summary: there are five basic ways that we express love.

1. Gifts: by buying a present or picking out something for someone. think: "I saw this and thought of you."

2. Touch: hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc etc

3. Time: spending time with the person

4. Service: doing something for the person. Could be fixing their car or doing the laundry

5. Words: telling them what they mean to you.

So, according to the book everyone has a primary love language, One of the five expressions will mean more to them and touch them more deeply.
For me, I'm definitely a words person, nothing means more to me than a note from my husband.

So, the key to making someone feel loved is to speak their 'language' and express your love that way.


It sounds like maybe your wife is a gift person, but on the other hand she might be service since she wanted you to have something planned. The planning would be the service part. It doesn't sound like time is her thing. But it's hard to tell with so little information.
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Rick Holzgrafe
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Helen and I are following a tradition we began seven years ago and have never missed since:

Every year, on Valentine's Day, one of us is sick.

This year, it's her turn.

Fortunately it's just a cold this year. She's already feeling a bit better, and should be back on top of things in a day or two.

(At least she can't complain that I never give her anything for Valentine's Day. Who do you think gave her the cold?)
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
jeffreyac wrote:
Then, last night. She looks over at me after dinner and says, "So, do you have anything planned for tomorrow?"


"Well, I wanted to hear what your plans were first, honey. You did plan something for us, right?"
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Christian Jorgensen
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
My wife is Japanese, and over there it's the lady who gets the guy some chocolate for Valentines day. As a bloke you don't have to do a thing.

It's awesome.
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Rudy
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Japanese eh? Hmmmmm.
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Christopher Onstad
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
I've been married 19 years and thanks to Jatoha's fantastic advice I scored lotsa husband points on our anniversary last month. So, my wifes idea for Vallentines this year is dinner and a movie. We are going to be making home made pizza and renting Zombieland. I am a very lucky man.
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Neither my wife or I remembered it was a "holiday" until both grandmas showed up with candy for the kids.

When my wife got off the phone with the first grandma she said, "We really don't keep up with the holidays like other people do we." And, I though she was talking about President's Day, until she explained that it was grammy coming over with candy for the kids because today was V-Day.
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
I'm divorced.

FTW!
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Leo Zappa
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
It's not that hard, really. Take her out to her favorite restaurant, a dozen roses, and a nice card. It's been working for me for 20 years now, and how romantic can I be, considering I have an engineering degree!
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
Banichi wrote:
My wife is Japanese, and over there it's the lady who gets the guy some chocolate for Valentines day. As a bloke you don't have to do a thing.

It's awesome.

You do know you're supposed to respond in triplicate on March 14, White Day?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_day
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
sbszine wrote:
You do know you're supposed to respond in triplicate on March 14, White Day?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_day


White Day was first celebrated in 1978 in Japan. It was started by the National Confectionery Industry Association(全国飴菓子工業協同組合) as an "answer day" to Valentine's Day on the grounds that men should pay back the women who gave them chocolate and other gifts on Valentine's Day. In 1977 a Fukuoka-based confectionery company, Ishimura Manseido (石村萬盛堂), marketed marshmallows to men on March 14, calling it Marshmallow Day (マシュマロデー).[5]

Soon thereafter, confectionery companies began marketing white chocolate. Now, men give both white and dark chocolate, as well as other edible and non-edible gifts, such as jewelry or objects of sentimental value, or white clothing like lingerie, to women from whom they received chocolate on Valentine's Day one month earlier. If the chocolate given to him was giri-choco, the man, likewise, may not be expressing actual romantic interest, but rather a social obligation.


This is clearly a made-up holiday, just to sell stuff.
1978? I got socks older than that.

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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
desertfox2004 wrote:
It's not that hard, really. Take her out to her favorite restaurant, a dozen roses, and a nice card. It's been working for me for 20 years now, and how romantic can I be, considering I have an engineering degree!



Nicely sums up why I don't celebrate this holiday.
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Christian Jorgensen
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Re: Well, looks like I fell for it....
sbszine wrote:
Banichi wrote:
My wife is Japanese, and over there it's the lady who gets the guy some chocolate for Valentines day. As a bloke you don't have to do a thing.

It's awesome.

You do know you're supposed to respond in triplicate on March 14, White Day?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_day


Oh yes.laugh
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