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Subject: Phone Messages *RANT* rss

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J
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Hello, you've reach Brian and Jennifer...

YEAH, I KNOW! I CALLED YOUR PHONE!

...we're not able to answer the phone right now...

DO YOU THINK?!

...so please leave a message after the beep...

OH IS THAT HOW THESE THINGS WORK?!

...and we will be sure to call you back...

YEAH RIGHT!

...Thanks for calling and have a great day!

I WAS HAVING A GREAT DAY UNTIL I HAD TO LISTEN TO YOUR STUPID PHONE MESSAGE FOR A FULL MINUTE!

(phone company voice comes on) Please leave a message after the tone...

I KNOW THAT! NOW I'M GETTING THE SAME INSTRUCTIONS TWICE THAT I DIDN'T NEED THE FIRST TIME!

...after your message please hang up...

WELL DUH! WHAT OTHER OPTION COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE?!

...or press 1 for special sending options...

WHAT?!!! WHO HAS EVER DONE THIS EVEN ONCE?!!!

...Thank you. Goodbye!

F#(#*&$#(@%*#)@$&@ YOU!

I need a beer. cry
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Ian Klinck
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jarredscott78 wrote:
Hello, you've reach Brian and Jennifer...

YEAH, I KNOW! I CALLED YOUR PHONE!


So, how do you explain the messages I've had left on my voicemail for people with names that aren't even close to mine?
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J
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iklinck wrote:
jarredscott78 wrote:
Hello, you've reach Brian and Jennifer...

YEAH, I KNOW! I CALLED YOUR PHONE!


So, how do you explain the messages I've had left on my voicemail for people with names that aren't even close to mine?

Yeah sorry about that. I was too busy swearing into the phone to listen.
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Shaky Ulnas
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In college we had a full minute of my roommates and I imitating trumpets as our outgoing message. It was beyond obnoxious. We finally deleted it after my buddy received a message regarding a job he applied for. For reasons beyond my comprehension the hiring party actually sat through our "dorkestra" to request him call back to book an interview. He even got the job in the end. laugh
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Needle
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Hey Dad! When did you get an account here?
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Dan Cristelli
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Shaun L wrote:
"dorkestra"


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Fraser
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Many years ago I had a message that actually included my name, which is not, nor ever has been, Simon. Nor have I ever shared a house with a Simon. Over a week I got a quite a few messages left for Simon shake

My next message was 30 seconds of music. No words. No Instructions.
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I used to have the first 10 or so seconds of "Summer Samba" on my answering machine. My dad said he would cease calling unless I changed it.
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Billy McBoatface
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zorazen wrote:
I used to have the first 10 or so seconds of "Summer Samba" on my answering machine. My dad said he would cease calling unless I changed it.
If you were even half as stubborn as me, you would have left it there to see who blinks first.
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Just call me Erik
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zorazen wrote:
I used to have the first 10 or so seconds of "Summer Samba" on my answering machine. My dad said he would cease calling unless I changed it.


Sounds win-win to me. But I hate phone calls.

Would you prefer, Jarred, if all phone messages were just, "You know what to do."?
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Brian Morris
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jarredscott78 wrote:
Hello, you've reach Brian and Jennifer...



I use to have mine not have my name in the message until last month. I got a message on my voice mail from one attorney to another with some rather confidential information.
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jarredscott78 wrote:
I need a beer. cry


I think you've had enough already.
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Ian Klinck
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My grandfather used to have a message that went something like this:

"Hello? ... Hello? Can you speak up - I can't hear you? ... Can you speak up? I still can't hear you... Maybe the reason I can't hear you is because I'm not here right now... "

For a while, I was using the following message, which I stole from the book "Overtime" by Tom Holt:

"Hi! I can't take your call, because I'm currently out testing my new time machine. However, if you'll leave your name, number, and the time you called, I'll arrange to be here to take your call."

(A few people were actually quick enough to wonder why they had to leave their number if I was going to be there to take their call. )
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unixrevolution wrote:
zorazen wrote:
I used to have the first 10 or so seconds of "Summer Samba" on my answering machine. My dad said he would cease calling unless I changed it.


Sounds win-win to me. But I hate phone calls.

Would you prefer, Jarred, if all phone messages were just, "You know what to do."?

Mine says "You've reached Jarred's cell. Leave a message. BEEP!"
I'm considering cutting out the first sentence.
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Michael Barlow
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Bah. Mine's short and sweet (since I'm not looking for work at the moment):

Leave a short beep after the message.
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Amy Wiles
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I had to call home collect a couple times when I was in high school. My dad still to this day refuses to leave his name on his machine (or now his voicemail). Which means that if you call collect and there's no name (or the name doesn't match), they won't let you leave a message. Dad always just says his phone number instead. Apparently, that's not good enough for a collect call. This resulted in me waiting for 3 hours to be picked up from an empty building 40 minutes away from home. Yeah, that was fun. Thanks, Dad. I promise no one's going to steal your identity just because you leave your name on your answering machine.

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jarredscott78 wrote:
...

RANT...


So, tell me about you mother.
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Mystery McMysteryface
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Mine is the system message:

"The person you have dialed can't take your call right now. At the tone, please leave a message." //BEEEP

I don't like it when you call a number and ONLY get a BEEEP. I always wonder if I've called the right person.

What's funny is when someone talks to you and says they called your house and they got some strange person's phone message!! laugh shake


BTW, I don't thing BEER is what you need!! ninja whistle
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Shaky Ulnas
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EgorjLileli wrote:
Mine is the system message:

"The person you have dialed can't take your call right now. At the tone, please leave a message." //BEEEP


My mom uses that. Her dad took her aside one day and told her he didn't think it was appropriate that she was living with some strange man.
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Jeff Wiles
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Back during my bachelorhood, I would get messages on my machine that said "The following call originated from within a Shelby County Correctional Facility." and then the caller would leave his message. In Spanish. He would do this every two or three days. Even though I had my name as part of the message, it went on for months until one time I happened to be home when he called and I could let this poor guy know that he had the wrong number.
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Mystery McMysteryface
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jeffwiles wrote:

Back during my bachelorhood, I would get messages on my machine that said "The following call originated from within a Shelby County Correctional Facility." and then the caller would leave his message. In Spanish. He would do this every two or three days. Even though I had my name as part of the message, it went on for months until one time I happened to be home when he called and I could let this poor guy know that he had the wrong number.


Sounds like a Dear John situation to me.......shake Poor guy!!


WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!!! You speak Spanish???? I caught that part where you said you talked to him to tell him it was the wrong number!!! HA!!!!!!! BUSTED!!!!!


Or did you say: "No piki pani"
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I wish I could leave my bones and my skin and float over the tired, tired sea, so that I could see you again
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Many years ago, I came home to a message for someone whose name I can't remember--Ramon or Raoul or something like that. But the rest of the message was quite memorable: "Come get me, man! I've been shot!"

He never called back, though, so everything must have worked out.
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Jeff Wiles
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EgorjLileli wrote:
jeffwiles wrote:

Back during my bachelorhood, I would get messages on my machine that said "The following call originated from within a Shelby County Correctional Facility." and then the caller would leave his message. In Spanish. He would do this every two or three days. Even though I had my name as part of the message, it went on for months until one time I happened to be home when he called and I could let this poor guy know that he had the wrong number.


Sounds like a Dear John situation to me.......shake Poor guy!!


WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!!! You speak Spanish???? I caught that part where you said you talked to him to tell him it was the wrong number!!! HA!!!!!!! BUSTED!!!!!


Or did you say: "No piki pani"


He also spoke English. At least enough to understand "You've got the wrong number."
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Brian Bankler
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jeffwiles wrote:

Back during my bachelorhood, I would get messages on my machine that said "The following call originated from within a Shelby County Correctional Facility." and then the caller would leave his message. In Spanish. He would do this every two or three days. Even though I had my name as part of the message, it went on for months until one time I happened to be home when he called and I could let this poor guy know that he had the wrong number.


Amateur hour is over.

When I got a new phone line (in 86), the number formerly belonged to...

an Obstetrician.

who primarily served the hispanic community.

So I had roughly 7 months of phone calls at any hour that always began with "Mi mujer..." and quickly sped up beyond what I could understand.

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Billy McBoatface
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When I first moved to Oregon I had a company apartment for two weeks, with what I hope was a new phone number. I kept getting calls on the answering machine from somebody angry looking for his cocaine. Finally I was home for a call and told him I didn't know what he was talking about. This made him even angrier.

"Where are my keys, man! I need those keys!" (At first I didn't know what he meant by keys, but figured it out...)
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