David G. Cox Esq.
Australia
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
My most negative review is of the game Dread Pirate.

A touch milder than I remember it - if I were to write it again it would be more brutal, but it's the worst I can come up with.

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/73386/dread-pirate-or-ju...
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Jaime Lawrence
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
Reading this makes me wish I'd been even harsher here on Pandemic - I spit in its face daily!
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Antigonus Monophthalmus
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
This is a review submitted and approved for the review section but was so awesome it had to be moved to the "Religion, Sex, and Politics" boards. This review basically begins by blaming the designers/buyers of WoW for the Iraq War and is ridiculously political (which is why it's in RSP) but I'd like to highlight that it is in fact an amazing (and mean, and hilarious) review of the game itself even with all the political invective.

I said it there and I'll say it here: this review is shock and awe inspiring.

World of Warcraft: Utter trash

Quote:
The random encounters (called quests, how noble! Let’s get out the tin plate and start tilting at windmills, I’m sure we’ll be less delusional than that man) remind me of the way a friend of mine in the Black Watch told me troops from an allied friendly army performed when he trained with them. These quests are lounging around all over the map in places where they are of no use to anyone except the opposition, too many of them are superfluous and only serve to get in the way of achieving objectives, they have no impact on the enemy and you end up with a lot of futile attacks being made against blues. (I trust you all are educated enough to realise that you’re not supposed to shoot the blue team.)


Quote:
PROS
*I don’t own it
*It has some dice rolling
*It is an extremely efficacious non-addictive anaesthetic


CONS
*Dull
*Boring
*Initiates sensations of intense ennui
*Effectively two co-operative games played simultaneously but with long down time and effectively zero interaction between teams or within team
*One early setback can hand game to opposition
*Has been known to induce irreversible coma
*Not vegan friendly


Honestly, it is a crime this review was taken out of the reviews section; I hope this thread becomes popular and Chris gets all the reward he deserves for this masterpiece of writing.
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Daniel Danzer
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
For the lurkers of you:
The ultimate useful negative reviews list

Oh, and here is my favourite "rant":
A negative review by a co-op fan
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
I got panned by BoardGameNews which is linked through the particular game's reviews listing here at BGG.

It was the best thing that happened to me considering I was ramping up to launch my company in earnest. After years and years of fairly positive reviews on my PDF projects I got lazier and lazier and less concise in my design and writing. Getting told how bad the game was in it's state as handed into BGN, in front of the entire readership of BGN, slapped me back into the practices that I needed: solid visual concepts, clear writing, a suitable budget and far more stringent playtesting.

Here is the review though it may be argued it is only linked and not an actual posting on BGG: http://www.boardgamenews.com/index.php/boardgamenews/comment...

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Pete Belli
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!

More flotsam and jetsam from the 1990’s washes up at the local thrift store

A fair and balanced review of New Kids On The Block Game

yuk
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Brian McCarty
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
I'd like to nominate this gem from a friend of mine:
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/listitem/885982?commentid=10227...

Brian
 
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Andy Van Zandt
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/326559/greatest-game-eve...-
 
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Tim Synge
United Kingdom
NEWTON ABBOT
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
Here's mine:

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/56834/user-review

I may just have been having a bad day. Then again ...
 
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Wim van Gruisen
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
I'd love to link to the infamous Star-Telegram reviews, but they've been taken off line (and never were posted to BGG in the first place).

However, geeklist 49462 (started by me) is still available. Chock-full of reviews, but none of them come close to the original ones in the Star-Telegram.
 
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Laszlo Molnar
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
Unfortunately I have never played any game that made me want to break into my local game store and burn every copy in sight as a public service, knowing no jury will ever convict, and I don't find it worth the energy to write about games that are simply weak. So I write only about games that I like...
 
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~
This entertaining review of Balloon Cup is more than just a little brutal:

2 Balloons, 1 Cup: A Steaming Pile - http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/261184

For a fun time, read the whole review for the full experience of rage. Here's a few selected quotes for your enjoyment:

Quote:
Balloon Cup is a steaming pile that leaves a nauseatingly bad taste in my mouth with every additional encounter.

Ultimately, you are at the mercy of the draw. You spend thirty teeth-grinding minutes of tedium moving cards and cubes around to find out who won.

Can It Be Saved? No.
Are There Any Redeeming Features? The theme is not as dumb as Igloo Pop.

You Will Like This Game If: You feel Yahtzee gives you way too much control over your position. or if you are enamored with ballooning beyond all reasonable levels.

I have a hard time explaining my hate for this game. I normally try to act fairly rationally, but Balloon Cup throws that out the window. Every time I play it, I feel a sense of rage at the publisher and the designer. What was their problem, exactly? Do they have a malevolent sense of life? I have no idea, but this game is, for me, the black hole of fun. It kills my desire to play games in general. It makes a vein twitch in my forehead. I have to concentrate on taking slow, deep breaths.

This is easily the worst game I've ever spent money on. If you calculate the overall pain level of the experience using the equation (suckage x length), Monopoly with the Free Parking rule is far less excruciating. Before throwing Balloon Cup on the trade/eBay pile, I found myself hiding this game on my shelf so that I didn't actually have to look at it.
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Jérôme
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
This review on Agricola rocks:

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/341924/worst-wargame-eve...
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B C Z
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
I've written two reviews, both trending towards the negative.

This one was written after an extremely poor game of Naval Battles:
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/300559/naval-battles-rev...

My favorite quote, which is in my game summary in the ratings:
Quote:
I'd rather have folded the cards into paper boats, floated them in a tub and thrown pennies at them.


 
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Bela's dead and Vampira won't talk
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
The review you had on Shark Sandwich, which was merely a two word review, just said "Shit sandwich."
 
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Drew Heath
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Re: ~Hunt For The Most Brutal Review~ Twenty GeekGold Shall Be Shed!
...a REAL Grognard's Perspective: Nexus Ops is Crap

Step 1 - start by calling out a venerable member of the BGG community
Step 2 - apply an ICBM's worth of wargamer satire
Step 3 - produce House Rules that actually make sense
Step 4 - ???
Step 5 - Review of the year, and profit.
 
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