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Subject: [not fun] A task I am avoiding. rss

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JessA
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As some of you know, my mother has dementia and ALS, she is currently in a nursing home.

Her 50th class reunion is this summer. Unlike me, my mom was really REALLY into her high school class and she loved her class reunions very much.

Well, the committee is making a memory book and a DVD with photos of all the classmates and a summary of what they are doing now.

A sweet lady from the committee contacted me and asked me to write up a summary for my mom. I agreed since I know that my mom would not have missed being in the memory book for anything.

However, every time I think about doing it, it just makes me cringe. The task of writing up a summary has been weighing very heavy on my shoulders, I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't know what I am going to write!

"Stella is currently slowly dying in a nursing home."

Having to write about her life just makes me in equal parts furious and very sad.

So, I guess I will focus on her four kids and what her grandkids are doing, altho that seems so self-centered to me since I'm the mom of three of her five grandkids.

Well, anyway I'm just whining a bit and also avoiding the dreaded, I hope I can get it done today.

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Hammock Backpacker
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Good luck Jess. My father in law has Alzheimer's and I can empathize. Might you offer some explanation of her condition, her situation, and how she's fighting valiantly with the help of her family and those that love and surround her?

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Just call me Erik
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The "Stella is currently enjoying spending time with her children, who are..." approach seems the most sensible to me.
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Mystery McMysteryface
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Jatoha wrote:


So, I guess I will focus on her four kids and what her grandkids are doing, altho that seems so self-centered to me since I'm the mom of three of her five grandkids.



This, and any accomplishments in her life: career, volunteering, skills, crafts, etc. Or 1 or 2 good anecdotes.

I know, it's rough, I certainly couldn't come up with much for my mom either, and she's perfectly OK. shake
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James Bentley
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My wife's parents both suffered from advanced Alzheimers, so I know how you feel.

But, as it's already been suggested, simply write about how her life has blessed those around her and focus on her life before her current situation. When someone around us mentions Alzheimers, my wife and I can't help but think of her parents, who were wonderful, wonderful people. But we refuse to remember them this way, so we immediately remember times we spent with them before that dreaded disease struck them. That's what we choose to focus on and that's where the good memories come from...

I'm sure there are many who are submitting articles that are in the same situation for one reason or another. Focus on the good and don't bring up the rest...

God bless you, I do know this is not easy sometimes...
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Steven Heinrich
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My prayers are with you to make this task easier.
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Joe Gola
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Jatoha wrote:
A sweet lady from the committee contacted me and asked me to write up a summary for my mom. I agreed since I know that my mom would not have missed being in the memory book for anything.

However, every time I think about doing it, it just makes me cringe.

Probably what your mom would have wanted most was for you to have some peace and sanity in your life, so maybe just write something short and simple and move on as quickly as you can? You don't owe your Mom's classmates any favors, they can get along fine by themselves. I don't mean that to sound cold, I'm just trying to do one of those "broader perspective" things.
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AMERIGAMER!
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Easy, Lie like a friggin' rug!
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The Steak Fairy
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Just get Gola to write it. I'm not trying to sound cold, but if he has enough time to spout off about it here, he may as well just do it for you.
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Mystery McMysteryface
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davestephens wrote:
Easy, Lie like a friggin' rug!


You know, this might not be too bad of an idea!!!!!

You could write the perfect life for her and make her shine!











or not....
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JessA
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Gola wrote:
Jatoha wrote:
A sweet lady from the committee contacted me and asked me to write up a summary for my mom. I agreed since I know that my mom would not have missed being in the memory book for anything.

However, every time I think about doing it, it just makes me cringe.

Probably what your mom would have wanted most was for you to have some peace and sanity in your life, so maybe just write something short and simple and move on as quickly as you can? You don't owe your Mom's classmates any favors, they can get along fine by themselves. I don't mean that to sound cold, I'm just trying to do one of those "broader perspective" things.


It's done. It's six sentences long. Thanks, Joe, you're right.
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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Jatoha wrote:
It's done.

Ah, well, I was going to suggest a shorter version of what Gola was saying: "Stella is currently minding her own damn business."
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Mystery McMysteryface
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Jatoha wrote:
Gola wrote:
Jatoha wrote:
A sweet lady from the committee contacted me and asked me to write up a summary for my mom. I agreed since I know that my mom would not have missed being in the memory book for anything.

However, every time I think about doing it, it just makes me cringe.

Probably what your mom would have wanted most was for you to have some peace and sanity in your life, so maybe just write something short and simple and move on as quickly as you can? You don't owe your Mom's classmates any favors, they can get along fine by themselves. I don't mean that to sound cold, I'm just trying to do one of those "broader perspective" things.


It's done. It's six sentences long. Thanks, Joe, you're right.


Hurrah!!!!!


Now on to something a bit more swanning interesting!
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The Steak Fairy
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I was actually sorry to read that you'd finished it. I was almost done with my draft. Here it is anyway, you can save it for the 51st reunion:

Stella [SURNAME WITHHELD DUE TO IGNORANCE] would like everybody to know that she's doing just fine. She'd like that, but unfortunately she isn't, and I'm only guessing that she'd tell you that if she could. For all I know, she's at that age where all she remembers about high school (on those rare days of mental acuity and recollection) is that people were essentially a bunch of jerks, and all they wanted to do was buy garters for each other and feel each others' kneecaps and the like. Yes, Stella pretty much lies in bed now, trying to remember garter belts, and how much fun it was to watch her husband fling one full force at his least favorite wedding attendee. That was good old Stan Floogleman, and the sound of dismay he uttered upon receipt of the flung garter is probably one of the few memories that Stella would actually be happier if she knew that she'd forgotten it. Stella frequently loses small personal articles into the abyss of "health care worker theft," so we don't let her keep any garters in her room. I considered hiding garter snakes in her bureau drawers, as a warning to those that would pilfer her almost valueless, yet sentimentally-charged belongings. It occurred to me that this would just be rude, however, so I didn't do it. Sometimes I sing your high school's fight song to Stella while she has her Jell-O brand flavored gelatin. Sometimes I don't. When I am especially depressed about my mother's situation, I knit rocket launchers that actually work. (I crochet the trigger mechanism, though, because that requires a bit more detail.) Other things I do, that my mother might be interested in telling her high school friends about me these days: I play loads of board games with my family, and I watch trees get destroyed. I look at my own daughter, fresh from her high school prom, and I think, "dear God, don't put her through this with me when she's my age." But hey, have a really great reunion, and Stella says "hi!" Kind of.
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JessA
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MisterCranky wrote:
I was actually sorry to read that you'd finished it. I was almost done with my draft. Here it is anyway, you can save it for the 51st reunion:

Stella [SURNAME WITHHELD DUE TO IGNORANCE] would like everybody to know that she's doing just fine. She'd like that, but unfortunately she isn't, and I'm only guessing that she'd tell you that if she could. For all I know, she's at that age where all she remembers about high school (on those rare days of mental acuity and recollection) is that people were essentially a bunch of jerks, and all they wanted to do was buy garters for each other and feel each others' kneecaps and the like. Yes, Stella pretty much lies in bed now, trying to remember garter belts, and how much fun it was to watch her husband fling one full force at his least favorite wedding attendee. That was good old Stan Floogleman, and the sound of dismay he uttered upon receipt of the flung garter is probably one of the few memories that Stella would actually be happier if she knew that she'd forgotten it. Stella frequently loses small personal articles into the abyss of "health care worker theft," so we don't let her keep any garters in her room. I considered hiding garter snakes in her bureau drawers, as a warning to those that would pilfer her almost valueless, yet sentimentally-charged belongings. It occurred to me that this would just be rude, however, so I didn't do it. Sometimes I sing your high school's fight song to Stella while she has her Jell-O brand flavored gelatin. Sometimes I don't. When I am especially depressed about my mother's situation, I knit rocket launchers that actually work. (I crochet the trigger mechanism, though, because that requires a bit more detail.) Other things I do, that my mother might be interested in telling her high school friends about me these days: I play loads of board games with my family, and I watch trees get destroyed. I look at my own daughter, fresh from her high school prom, and I think, "dear God, don't put her through this with me when she's my age." But hey, have a really great reunion, and Stella says "hi!" Kind of.


I love that so much.
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The Steak Fairy
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Well I really, really hope that you do, because I cried while I wrote it, and that's fairly unusual for stuff that I post at BGG.
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MisterCranky wrote:
Well I really, really hope that you do, because I cried while I wrote it, and that's fairly unusual for stuff that I post at BGG.


Every time I read a post of yours, I tear up, so I know how you feel.
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