Recommend
 
 Thumb up
 Hide
16 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » OLD BGGBlogs (do not use)

Subject: Unfrozen Cavegeek Gamer rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Chester
United States
Temple
Texas
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
(Warning...the following a stream of consciousness and not intended to be worth your while. In fact, you'll probably lie on your death bed wishing you had the time back that you misspent reading this worthless journal entry, even as your last lingering breath slowly leaks away.)

I've decided to shun my chosen profession, turn my back on the years of training I've put in...and adopt an alterego. I will 'walk the earth', touring the country as I travel from one gaming convention to the next as "The Unfrozen Cavegeek Gamer". I will live off the generosity of gamers. I expect to be eating a lot of Cheetos. I will use my simple Cavegeek wisdom to help other Geeks to see the stark beauty of life and to buoy up their spirits and optimism about the future of our civilization. Then I'll club 'em. And steal all their OOP games.

This is only going to be the beginning of my rise to being the kingpin in the dark seedy underworld of Organized Gamecrime. Eventually, I'll amass enough influence and followers to be able to lean on the designers. The first step is to set up a front. I'll start a company called Wholesome-ass Games, slap a bunch of multicolored meeples and some dice in a box and some sorry-ass note about people designing their own scenarios. I expect it to be a big hit.

To ensure that happens, I figure all I need to do is log on to the Geek as a couple hundred false identities and rate my game a 10. I'll also need a catchy title. How about Die Schweinnummerung Gezeit Enthaben by Reiner Knizia. I don't know what that means, but since its German its sure to sell. I won't actually involve Knizia, but I doubt he'd even notice his name on one more box. He'd probably think he just forgot working on that one. Eventually we'll have to arrange a US release, but by then my unwitting lackeys will be doing all the work of publicizing their favorite new 'gamer's game'.

Although at this point I'll have commercial success and wealth beyond my wildest dreams in the highly lucrative boardgame industry and could stop the clubbing of Geeks at cons, I won't. Its important to have some integrity about sticking with your principles. I don't want to forget my roots or what I stand for.

With this amassing wealth, I can start to lean on the game designers. Before long Wholesome-ass Games will have every designer of any talent under our "protection". And all we'll require is that they allow us the opportunity to publish their games first. Soon ever game worth anything will be coming through our production lines. Some young designer pop up that thinks he's onto something....may find himself the victim of an unfortunate exploding meeple accident. The rest will quickly fall in line. The thing with game designers...they're like sheep. You just have to be firm with them.

There will have to be a period of time where I remain inconspicuous and produce actual decent games for a while. But I figure I can still increase profits by using cannibal pygmie toddlers from Kazakastanrovia as my work force...paying them only with worthless Geekgold.

Once my cover is nicely in place...the real plan will finally be ready to engage. My gentle peruasion skills will help to 'encourage' Knizia and his cohorts to apply their skills in designing the BEST GAME EVER. The catch....the game has subtext which gradually hypnotizes the gamer into complete and abject submission to MY WILL! I'm picturing something along the lines of Settlers of Catan here, but with less luck. Oh, and of course the hypnosis thingy.

In a short time, the entire gaming world will be laying at my feet....drooling and grasping, awaiting my merest whim for their next command. 'Go take out the trash!' Obeyed. 'You, get me some more Cheetos. PUFFY ONES!' Obeyed. 'You, wear nothing but corduroy pants the rest of your life.' Obeyed.

This is the part of my plan that gets a little vague. Once I have the world enslaved...what should I do with them? I've been working on this for a really long time, and I'm having some kind of writer's block type of thing with this. I mean, it should be easy to figure out what to do if you are in charge of everything, but I'm just drawing a complete blank. Its rather embarrassing. Anyone got any tips. All I need is a little nudge to get the creative juices flowing again. Help? Anyone?
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
June King
United States
Unspecified
flag msg tools
badge
Bring me her heart in this box.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Narf!
Gee, Cornjob, what are we going to do tonight?
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alfred
Netherlands
Noord-Brabant
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmb
"as your last lingering breath slowly leaks away.)"

I didn't make it beyond that.
I was out of breath. wow

Cheers,
Game on.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Curt Collins
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
You should force people to have piggyback races across the sahara desert in your honor. Only the few who are strong enough to survive may playtest the COOLEST GAMES EVER with you. Oh, and you should have elections, but your competition may only be animated characters that you control.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Paul Sommer
Denmark
copenhagen downtown
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I feel relived...
Cornjob always makes me happy !! Because he more demented Than I.

(in a pathetic dune paul atrides impersonation he pulls out his empty counter sprue and holds it over his head )

Long Live the Geekz (thats geeks that are too far gone to be helped like cornjob )!

&

Remember a rolling wilderbeast gathers no strawberyy jello!

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Morgan Dontanville
United States
Charlottesville
VA
flag msg tools
designer
publisher
Plate of Shrimp.
badge
Here we are folks, the dream we all dream of.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
The counting of pigs, eh?

By the way, I only wear cordoroy pants.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Gil Hova
United States
Jersey City
New Jersey
flag msg tools
designer
publisher
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Cripes Chester, you seem awful close to global domination, but you just can't get over that hump. May I suggest the following site...

http://www.villainsupply.com/index1.html

You're welcome, and best of luck with your efforts! Oh, and if you cross me, my army of trained pygmy monkies will snap you like a brittle lifeless twig.

Enjoy!
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
The Real and Only
United States
Aubrey
Texas
flag msg tools
Avatar
mb
" I am just a simple CaveGeek Gamer... Your world frighten and confuses me. When I see you shipping corn in Puerto Rico...I wonder is it really corn? Can I eat it...

I just simply dont know..."

"But if theres one thing I do know... is owning a warf, and plenty of corn plantations can be a dominating strategy, that is if the other players allow you to have a monopoly..."

( All the players laugh as the CaveGeek Gamer tries to eat a wooden corn barrel...screen freezes....fade to black)

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Dwayne Hendrickson
United States
Oklahoma City
Oklahoma
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
HAR HAR Fooled you, I didn't read all of your journal. HAR HAR HAR
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Mary Weisbeck
United States
Black Hawk
South Dakota
flag msg tools
"Blow up the damned ship, Jean-Luc!"
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Obviously...
Once the world is in your power, you must reach for the stars!! There are billions of worlds out there, many in need of games. It is now your responsibility to convert the heathens.

(Are you sure you're up to this??)
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Burke Glover
United States
Unspecified
Delaware
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
What I want to know is, will there be shares of stock available to the public in Wholesome-ass Games? Because that sounds like a one-way ticket to hideous amounts of wealth.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Todd Bookman
United States
Lancaster
Pennsylvania
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
So there it is....
And the 2005 Spiel des Jahres winner:

Die Schweinnummerung Gezeit Enthaben by Reiner Knizia


 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Chester
United States
Temple
Texas
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Thanks Gil! Now in addition to figuring out what to do with the obedient masses, I've got 4 gross of fezzes to distribute.

They are nice fezzes.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
June King
United States
Unspecified
flag msg tools
badge
Bring me her heart in this box.
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
With or without tassles?
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Deleted User
msg tools
badge
Avatar
Ferrets
I'm sure that Gil meant ferrets and not fezzes. Can you imagine waht you can do with four score ferrets?

Well, ok, not much. laugh
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Deleted User
msg tools
badge
Avatar
Globalopoly
Once I have the world enslaved...what should I do with them?

Play one huge-ass game of Monopoly using the world as the board!!!

Oh wait...
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.