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Subject: The Game Addict's Guide to Sneaking Games past a forbidding spouse. rss

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Michael Ziegler
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Ok, I admit I am a gameaholic. When I see new products I feel an urgent need to possess a game, even if it is on a subject I already have covered well in other games. For years now, I have been "Forbidden" from buying "one more game". Yet, I still average the purchase of one game per month and sometimes three. Collector? Hell yes! Over 900. Do I sell? Yep! When the price is right on some out of print game.

So How to I avoid going to the morgue? Or divorce court? Simple. I have a system for getting games inside and keeping them from becoming discovered as a "new" purchase.

1. Always use Paypal. An excellent, private way to purchase. No paper trails.
2. If a package is sent containing a game, this is a problem when the postman arrives. Outside of a P.O.Box, what do you do? Well, I answer the door first. If I have a game and the wife is near, I dump it next to the steps outside between the trash cans. I come in holding only ordinary mail. Later, when she is upstairs, I go outside and retrieve the game and bring it in the house. I then "hide" the item in plain sight. Bookcases are good to hide something behind or inside the grandfather clock,if it is a smaller game.
3. If I am outside, I intercept the package from the delivery man and quickly place it in the trunk of my car. Then in the middle of the night I go out "for a smoke" and bring the package in while the wife is asleep or watching TV.
4. Cellophane is a problem, you must dispose of this properly so that your new game won't be discovered. This is where the extra-large coffee from the Donut shop comes in handy. Finish the coffee, compress the cellophane inside and cap it with the coffee top! No evidence.
5. The box that the game is delivered in is cut to pieces or dumped at an opportune dumpster and make sure no "peanuts" are left around to spill the beans.
6. Those rent-a-storage places are excellent! Get one and start storing those new games there. When you need it, pull it out and bring it in with a stack of something else.
7. OK, your caught playing the game. What do you do? Tell her you have always had it, it's been on the shelf for years and she has most likely forgotten about it.Since women tend not to memorize titles she will probably believe you.
8. Keep switching games around, move them from one location and bring others in every few weeks. This way, you are adding new products all the time and it will never be noticed. I have brought in six Columbia Block games in this manner since I started playing them two years ago.
9. Send the game to a friend, have them "give" it to you as a gift on your "birthday".
10. A lot of lawyers I know have their items delivered to work. They store them in the office and take them home when it is right. This can work for almost anyone who has an office space.Hide them in closets, drawers at the office and rotate frequently.

Just a few tips to consider from an old veteran of game collecting.
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Luke Morris
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Such knowledge would have saved me from many hours of nagging. cry
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Anthony Simons
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1,7,8 and 10 have all served me well.

I used to feel guilty about it, until I found out I had been getting the same treatment for many, many years:

Me: "Oh that's a nice top you're wearing."

Her: "What, this old thing?"

Me: "Hm, so you've been wearing it all the time with the price tag still on it?"

Her: "Er - "

Me: "And amazingly, it's never detached itself in the wash."

Her: "Well I haven't worn it yet; the right time has never come along."

Me: "The 'right time'? you have three wardrobes full of outfits that never seem to reach the 'right time'. Oh, and what's that say on the tag? £50?"

Her: "I got it in the sale, it wasn't that much!"

Me: "The £50 is written in red pen; they've crossed out the £80."

Her: "Yes, but look how lovely it is; you even said so yourself."

Me: "Touché."
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Anthony Simons
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superflypete wrote:
I believe that this is a tongue in cheek post, and I sure am hoping so.


I'm kind of hoping yours is; especially the illegal drug use analogy.
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Michael Ziegler
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fellonmyhead wrote:
superflypete wrote:
I believe that this is a tongue in cheek post, and I sure am hoping so.


I'm kind of hoping yours is; especially the illegal drug use analogy.


The Author agrees!
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Michael Ziegler
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superflypete wrote:
I believe that this is a tongue in cheek post, and I sure am hoping so.

If not, this is actually the fast-track to divorce and the wife, who will be spiteful, taking half of your games just so she can light a bonfire with them to spite you. Replace game with "marijuana" or "cocaine" and all of the sudden you're talking about a drug addict.

Seems like a lecture on "More effective lying, deceiving, and slinking around to not get caught."

I think that if you're sexing your (spouse regularly (and well), showing interest in the things they're interested in, and are best friends with your spouse, there'll be no reason to hide stuff.

I know I don't have to hide anything, and I'll never understand why one would intentionally lie to and/or deceive one's spouse about something as important as money. They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and some of the leading causes of divorce are lying and money issues. Seems like all of these "tips" are a quick way to get a divorce over the fact that you're ashamed you spend so much on games and are avoiding confrontation about it.

Good luck!

Reply: After 40 years of wargaming, all that is left is that quote from "Brideshead Revisited"- "It was as though someone had switched off the wireless, and a voice that had been bawling in my ears, incessantly, fatiously, days beyond number had suddenly been cut short. Immense silence followed, empty at first, but gradually filled with sweet, natural, and long forgotten sounds. For he had spoken a name, a name so familiar to me, a conjourers name of such ancient power that the Phantoms of those haunted late years began to take flight".
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Johannes cum Grano Salis
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fellonmyhead wrote:
superflypete wrote:
I believe that this is a tongue in cheek post, and I sure am hoping so.


I'm kind of hoping yours is; especially the illegal drug use analogy.


I get the distinct impression that a war against straw men is about to start, so I nominate myself to intervene on those poor straw men's behalf.

You're focusing on the drug part of the analogy; don't. Focus on the addiction part, which is what, I believe, was intended.

If you were to play a reverse Mad Libs with the OP and remove the word "game" or "board game" from the whole post, then pretty much any addiction counselor's alarm bells would go off after reading it. Deceit? Check. Hiding the activity from loved ones? Check. Putting time and effort into maintaining that secrecy? Check. That's what he's saying. Not that using board games is analogous to using cocaine.

Frankly, this exact same thread shows up on every hobby forum I've been a member of. Beer Advocate and homebrewing forums get the guys who insist they aren't alcoholics even though they drink delicious beer every day, hide it from their wives, and binge drink. Handtool woodworkers on Saw Mill Creek insist that they don't have a problem even though they're buying old chisels and molding planes in sizes they already have and that they haven't used yet. Any Linux forum has the guy who insists that because the software is free he can buy every single O'Reilly guidebook with the animal on the front. Etc.

I've been through this once before. I was one of those guys on the handtool woodworking forums posting about how I was sneaking new handplanes past my wife, shipping them to the office, going out to run an errand and leaving the molding planes in the car so she wouldn't see I went to antique stores again while I was out. And know what? When she found out about it, all that was important was the deceit. Not that it was with a somewhat innocuous product. I lied to her. I spent money on stuff without her knowing, I snuck it past her, I did it repeatedly, and I did it on purpose. And she was not at all interested in hearing about nuance during the "discussion" that ensued. So that's what the OP's post reminds me of. That, and how I gained 30 pounds in a little over two months after discovering high-alcohol content Belgian beers. But I didn't have a problem. Nope.

I personally don't care what people do, so long as honesty is involved, both with themselves and with others. Buy 1,000 games. Reach for 2,000. You can do it! Just don't assume you're in control of your hobby if you've never tested it, and don't assume that other people, particularly loved ones, are going to be as convinced of your defense as you are.

J

EDIT -- Fun Fact: Going back to edit grammar and spelling in a rant makes it 45% less effective.
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Ben Bateson
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Clearly I need practice in this area, because all I could come up with was what not to do...
 
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David C
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There was a geeklist about how to say that Formula D was cough medicine or something, and that was cute... but I have go agree with SuperflyPete here: they normally catagorize additiction not by the drug or how often, but it's impact into your life and relationships

...and it sounds pretty impactful.
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Isn't the solution obvious? Husband and wife both agree to a set amount of "spending money" per month or year, and if they stick to it, who cares what its spent on?
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Ryan Lemanski
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Trelane wrote:

7. OK, your caught playing the game. What do you do? Tell her you have always had it, it's been on the shelf for years and she has most likely forgotten about it.Since women tend not to memorize titles she will probably believe you.


Exxxxaaaccctttllly.

You've done it. You have so many games it doesn't matter anymore.
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Anthony Simons
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A solution first requires a problem...
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Brian Schroth
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superflypete wrote:
Replace game with "marijuana" or "cocaine" and all of the sudden you're talking about a drug addict.


Yeah, and if I replace "played a game with Bob" in "I played a game with Bob yesterday" with "shot Bob in the face", all of a sudden I'm talking about murder!
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Simon Schwanhäußer
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BagelManB wrote:
superflypete wrote:
Replace game with "marijuana" or "cocaine" and all of the sudden you're talking about a drug addict.


Yeah, and if I replace "played a game with Bob" in "I played a game with Bob yesterday" with "shot Bob in the face", all of a sudden I'm talking about murder!


Had to give you a thumb because i laughed.

But i still think that he is making a good point,,.

EDIT: On the other hand i just noticed that the OP refers to himself as a gameaholic anyway.... So whats the controversy here ?

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I am just curious, how do you explain the space the game fills up. If you buy at least 1 game a month, how can you fit them into your house?

My husband would notice right away since I only got a limited space for my games.

(And I also do not lie to him, he has said "no more games" a lot of times. But I manage to talk him into the idea of buying more games at least twice a year. I would not like a relationship where I have to hide things and go behind my husbands back. Yuck!)
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I have two uncles who were terrible alcoholics. Both of them did many of the things you said about board games to hide their addiction. Hiding the items in the house or in the car or at work. Finding ways to spend all the money without getting caught. Lying about how much they've had to drink when they are caught drinking or drunk. Lying about where they were going when they needed a fix. Yet with all that work going into the deceit they NEVER thought they had a problem or that there was anything wrong with what they were doing until their wives found out and finally confronted them about it.

And the wive's will always find out. You may succeed for awhile, or even over a couple years - but she will find out. And when she finds out and realizes how very very long you've been doing it that will only make it worse. "Its just boardgames honey" won't work when she sees how easy it was to lie to her for so long and so many times and also finds out just how much money you spent without her knowledge.

If I were you I'd come clean and stem your spending. It would be rather embarrassing if you did get caught and it DID lead to a divorce and it was all over board games.
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Daniel Arabella
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You are horrible., you poor wife, sheesh
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Kevin C.
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Quote:
A solution first requires a problem..


I really think the OP is having a laugh at our expense (#2 is just bizzare), but I'll wade in anyway....

The problem is prima facie, no? Why must one devise plans to sneak purchases into the house? This is simply premeditated deceit, no? I think at the point one is doing this to their better half, there is a problem. (Especially since buying games was probably discussed as an issue in the past and sneaking them is the “solution” that was decided on.)

Now, it might be a surface problem because such is the dynamic of the relationship and the inner workings are none of our business. However, posting a “How to put one over on your wife” thread up on the Interwebs is bound to garner some criticism.

In the interests of peace and controlling my “addiction,” I get to purchase one new game a month. I went on a few binges over the years (especially with MTG), so I see this as quite reasonable. Plus, I'm pushing 200 games, so I am hardly deprived. I've got quite a nice hobby going.

If I really want something on top of my purchase(like Mansions of Madness last month), I just tell my wife, we check the finances and go from there.

These threads come up from time to time and the camps divide pretty quickly. The dynamic of your relationship might make this a fine thing to do, but in general, I don’t think it is a good idea to attempt to deceive your better half. We probably all do it occasionally about trivial things, but coming up with a concrete plan ahead of time about how to go about it is a bit much for me.

I’ll do without Nightfall this month rather than run through these types of hoops. YMMV.

Edit: In rereading the OP, it's got to be a gag. He got me to get all the way up on my high horse only to be bucked off by irony. Time to go play Thunderstone with my son and nurse my wounds. Well played!

Kevin
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I also think that this is just a laugh that we can all have. Although, if she can't accept you for who you are, then why did you marry her?

Alternatively...
fellonmyhead wrote:
1,7,8 and 10 have all served me well.

I used to feel guilty about it, until I found out I had been getting the same treatment for many, many years:

Me: "Oh that's a nice top you're wearing."

Her: "What, this old thing?"

Me: "Hm, so you've been wearing it all the time with the price tag still on it?"

Her: "Er - "

Me: "And amazingly, it's never detached itself in the wash."

Her: "Well I haven't worn it yet; the right time has never come along."

Me: "The 'right time'? you have three wardrobes full of outfits that never seem to reach the 'right time'. Oh, and what's that say on the tag? £50?"

Her: "I got it in the sale, it wasn't that much!"

Me: "The £50 is written in red pen; they've crossed out the £80."

Her: "Yes, but look how lovely it is; you even said so yourself."

Me: "Touché."

...if you come across this situation, you could always agree to let bygones be bygones and deal with each others' hoardings.
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Sounds like something to do if you have a second mom, not a wife.
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As the great oracle Homer (err Simpson) once said,

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."

Alternatively if the postman arrives before I get home - D'Oh!


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Once you get over 1000 games or so, they all blur together. Just rememnber to buy lots of new shelves when you next move.

B>
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thepackrat wrote:
Once you get over 1000 games or so, they all blur together. Just rememnber to buy lots of new shelves when you next move.

You'll only need the new shelves if you've been hiding hundreds of games at the office before the move. And the office is of course a great place for that. Put a big pile of games in the library and you can plausibly claim they are all Gareth's, commandeer a couple of cabinets for some more space for games, and then hide what remained behind that ridiculous huge beanbag chair.

Hypothetically speaking, of course. I'm sure nobody in this thread would actually have hoarded enough games at the office to need to do all that when Cindy came to visit.
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What works for me is, being Canadian and all eh, is "Honey, all my games combined do not equal the cost of a skidoo (dangerous machine for riding on snow i.e freezing cold wet stuff for you southerners) , and gas/maintenance to run it AND you don't have to worry about me hitting my head on a tree on the trail..."



However, recently she scanned my bursting game shelves with no comment. A few days later a couple brochures on some "bad azz sleds" appeared on my office desk...
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Chad Rathsack
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rammingspeed wrote:
What works for me is, being Canadian and all eh, is "Honey, all my games combined do not equal the cost of a skidoo (dangerous machine for riding on snow i.e freezing cold wet stuff for you southerners) , and gas/maintenance to run it AND you don't have to worry about me hitting my head on a tree on the trail..."



However, recently she scanned my bursting game shelves with no comment. A few days later a couple brochures on some "bad azz sleds" appeared on my office desk...;)


So does she want you to stop buying games or does she want to increase your chances of dire injury? :)
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