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Subject: Never Sessions: Ninja: Legend of the Scorpion Clan rss

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Aaron Bohm
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Never Sessions: Ninja: Legend of the Scorpion Clan

For people unfamiliar with Never Sessions, I wanted to make a spinoff of session reports so I created the fantasy world of Never to tell the story of our gaming events. I am hoping for this whole thing to be entertaining but for those of you more interested in "the meat" feel free to skip down to The Session. Though possibly a tad exaggerated, each character represents a real person and the "story" of the world represents our real game session. One of the interesting things to pay attention to is the wide spectrum of personalities (seriously, I tried my best to show what each person was like and how they think and react based on how I know them) as I think this is the most vital value to be found in a session. It should not only give you an idea of how the game plays but also how different people approach the game and have fun with their own unique quirks and strategies. Enjoy!

Meet the characters!

The Intruders!

Little Goblin:
Little Goblin often finds himself on the wrong end of worse-case-scenarios and fighting losing battles. Despite his diminutive size however, he often rises to the challenge, puffing up with loud battle cries, finger pointing and clever talk while at the same time using his small size to cry foul when others take a swing at him. Being tiny also makes it easy for him to find the best place to put a dagger into the backs of any newly found allies. This strategy often has equal chance of prevailing as it does getting him stepped on by bigger foes.

Evil Dr. Target:
One of the smartest villains, Dr. Target has already pre-calculated every possible contingency of success and knows exactly what to do. His downfall? With a name like Target everyone seems to set their sights on beating him. Little Goblin finds it most fun to wait until Dr. Target spends endless hours setting up the perfect machine only to pull the cord at the most opportune time.

The Guards!

Kettle, the Robot:
The origins of Kettle unknown, Kettle can usually be found hanging around Little Goblin and Evil Dr. Target and, though all of them are villains, the competition between the three can get quite fierce. Kettle’s temperature rises if the conflict gets too high and may often explode with a loud screech of steam and anger. Tactically he also knows the best way to pit foes against one another, craftily coming away with a subtle victory.

Cardboard-Cutout "Tippy" :
A new character appearing in the world of Never is Tippy, who was seen one day standing outside Kettle’s workshop. Tippy is only around when Kettle is and (probably since he is new) seems to do whatever the other villains want him to do. Probably the coolest of all villains, because he’s not very animated it’s odd at how keen his insights are into a conflict whenever Tippy speaks.

The Setting:

“Banzai!" someone yelled, entering Little Goblins Cave.

Startled, Little Goblin jumped up to see who was shouting behind him. There stood Evil Dr. Target, dressed in a ridiculous, loose-fitting ninja outfit but still wearing his lab goggles and plastic boots.

“What in the world are you doing, shouting at me so early? I haven’t even had my coffee yet!" said Goblin.

“Can’t you see? I’m a ninja! I’ve planned our next caper so let’s go!"

Without giving Goblin a moment more to prepare, Dr. Target grabbed him and rushed off down the valley. Soon they were at the entrance of a large walled city. Atop one of the walls was a cardboard figure, the Cardboard-Cutout Tippy, propped up and standing guard menacingly. The whistles of steam inside the city meant that Kettle the Robot was not too far away as well.

“See?" Said Target, "That’s the mark, some big Japanese bigwig is giving us a lot of dough to get in there and disrupt Kettle and Tippy’s plans. Let’s go in, make some noise, and spill some blood!"

“Geez," chimed Little, "You’re really gung-ho about this whole ninja thing. There’s only one problem, "NINJA’S ARE SUPPOSED TO BE QUIET!"

“Shh," said Target, "You can’t be so loud, they’ll hear you."

“Ug, never mind, let’s just go."

The Session:


Evil Dr. Target briefed Little Goblin about the current situation. He had already dug a secret passage for them to use from inside one of the walled castles to the other, and right next to where guards were posted.

“Isn’t that a little risky?" asked Goblin.

“They’ll never suspect it!" Target said.

Meanwhile, Kettle the Robot and Cardboard-Cutout Tippy had already devised their defensive strategy, hiding away six of the possible targeted objectives between the two castles, placing some traps and hidden guards among the buildings as well as stationing all their guards and sleeping guards throughout the area.

With the smaller of the two castles, the one with the moat around it to the north, they focused most of their guard power there as well as placing several sentries in the middle of the two castles, inside, and two of the three patrols near the intersections of the path in between the castles.

“Here’s the plan," Kettle said to the cardboard cutout, "Since most intruders can easily find a way inside our castles, we at least want to make sure they can’t easily get from the north castle to the southern one so that’s where we will focus our defense!"

“Okay," said Little Goblin, "I’ll go find and steal their War Plans. Since you love blood so much you can Assasinate the Daimyo!"

Target replied, "Sure, but what’s a Daimyo?"

“I have no idea."

Turn 1-5

Kettle and Tippy with Kettle’s help both awakened guards by the southern entrance of the walled city, right where Dr. Target was planning on running in.

No worries, Target thought, I’ll slip right past them, a bead of sweat forming on his brow.

Being one to take risks Goblin infiltrated his way inside and started right on the patrol path between a stationed guard and the one patrol that was in the north. Instantly he jumped into the moat throwing a rope over the wall.

The guards, not noticing anything out of the ordinary, moved about and listened keenly but only heard the sound of the wind.

Goblin jumped inside the northern castle from his rope, searched about, and was planning on jumping right back into the moat when an alarm went off!

“Intruders already!" shouted Kettle.

Goblin made it back into the moat and the guards and a patrol began to swarm inside the northern castle, dangerously searching around where the hidden passage was dug.

We’ll get Goblin right away, thought Kettle. It was ridiculous how many units he and Tippy sent inside the northern castle, at least four sentries and a patrol.

Meanwhile Dr. Target had also used a rope by the southern entrance, slipping past the internal wall and the 2 sentries guarding it. He also searched an area to no avail but searched again finding the War Plans!

“It’s over here!" Shouted Target.

“Shh, you big oaf!" shouted Little.

Target stayed in the southern castle, killing a guard or two, while a majority of the guards forces were committed to finding Little in the northern castle. Little Goblin was already outside the moat however and running as fast as he could down south. Before he got to the southern castle, he reached inside his bag of tricks and pulled out his cat Fluffy, tossing it over the northern castle wall as he ran passed.

“MrrrOW!" Fluffy screamed.

“Gee wiz, what was that? I think I heard something," Tippy the Cardboard-Cutout said in a squeaky voice that sounded suspiciously like Kettle’s.

Kettle, holding Tippy up from falling over, replied, "It’s just a cat, but I bet that traitor Little Goblin is inside this castle somewhere!"

They fell for it, Goblin thought and he rushed around the corner and into the southern castle.

Meanwhile Dr. Target had already gotten a little bored. He was no closer to finding any other objectives and uncovered a guard that he promptly killed with a Shuriken. Tippy sent in one of the other guards, another Shuriken flew their way. Target had eliminated most of the few forces that were left in the southern castle as Goblin arrived. The castle floor was lined with blood and guards bodies.

“I don’t get it," Tippy said, "Shouldn’t the alarm get raised? The remaining guards just watched all their buddies get slaughtered?"

Turn 6-10

Tippy was frustrated, or at least as frustrated as a Cardboard-Cutout can get, that all of his guards were dying. Furthermore, the alert level had barely moved this whole time and the guards were running low on options. Kettle was furious and starting to lose his cool.

“They have to be there!" he shouted, and then searched to find nothing; "They have to be there!" he shouted again and searched to no avail. Every time he was one-hundred percent sure he knew what was going on and each time it turned out he was one-hundred percent wrong.

Little Goblin was tired of Dr. Target bumbling around in the southern castle and he also wanted to get the attention of the guards who still thought he was in the northern castle.

I’ll reveal myself down here and complete my objective; that will demoralize them.

Goblin searched and found the War Plans. "Ha ha! I’m over here, catch me!" Goblin shouted, knowing if Target’s objective was in the north they would need to get some of the guards to come down.

In moving however, one of the patrols fell right into the hole of the secret passage!

“Ah! I knew we shouldn’t have put it there!" exclaimed Target.

Not many of the northern guards were lead astray southward and instead Kettle and Tippy brought in what sentries they could from the area.

“We have them now," screeched Kettle, sounding a little like Darth Vader.

Goblin and Target searched around inside the southern castle but were having a remarkably hard time finding anything. Though few, they were only narrowly able to evade the remaining guards. Goblin threw out another cat, Scruffles, at one of the sentries.

“Hey, just how many cats do you have anyway?" asked Tippy.

Another guard managed to luckily jump Dr. Target and score a Kenjutsu.

“Egad!" exclaimed Target, "I am hit!"

With only a few places left to look in the south and with "confidence" that Target would be able to sniff them out Little Goblin turned his attention to the north.

Target had already raised the alarm of every guard (and every guard’s grandmother) as he bounced like a ping pong ball too and fro around the southern castle, even waving at guards as he passed by them.

“What are you doing!" exclaimed Goblin, "Don’t you have some stealthy ninja move you can do to sneak around more quietly?"

“Oh that? I left that in my other ninja outfit."

“Excuse me," said Kettle to the evil doctor, "but you appear to have something stuck in your side."

“Ah, it’s a sword!" Target said, another Kenjutsu had pierced him, one more hit would surely do him in (and the 10th round was dangerously near).

Goblin knew he had to spring into action. First he dove into the moat between the two sentries guarding the east and west entrance between the two castles. Next he sprung from the moat. Since his unstealthy companion had kept the alert at its max Goblin didn’t have any qualms about throwing out some major retribution and sped through three zones.

Turn 11-16 and the Result

“Sake for everyone!" Little Goblin chanted and handed out some drinks to the guards he passed, "Drink up!"

Two guards at the southern entrance of the northern castle got so drunk they couldn’t even stand. Behind them, Little Goblin slaughtered both sentries in the patrol and searched the premises, afterwards he stood gasping. This opened a hole in the defensive line of the southern castle! Kettle and Tippy abandoned their chances of getting Dr. Target down south.

“Geez," cried Kettle, "Did you just take out everyone?"

But what the guards didn't realize was that Goblin had no more tricks in his bag. Target was also dangerously low, with only a couple ropes remaining.

Dr. Target just finished looking in the last spot of the southern castle only to find the one remaining place still didn’t have what he was looking for. The showdown would take place in the northern castle!

Dr. Target quickly followed the trail of drunken guards and slaughtered bodies northward, revealing his location for the world to see.

If only we could awaken some guards and catch him, he’s right there! thought Kettle.

With his objective done, Little Goblin was doing everything he could to help his bumbling cohort along.

“Come on, you bum!"

The northern castle was still swarming with guards and every minute Goblin spent there was one step closer to doom as two sentries moved this way and that around him.

Finally, Goblin found the doctor’s objective. "He’s over here!"

But just as he said that, the Dr. swooped in, threw a rope and left Goblin to fend for himself. That fiend!

Eastward through the moat, past a guard and over the outer wall (via another rope) the doctor quickly sped away.

Calmly Dr. Target exclaimed victory, "You can’t possibly catch me now!" he said to Kettle and and Tippy, their only chance now to capture the goblin.

Little Goblin, closed off from escaping the way Target went, headed toward the northwest corner of the northern castle and then over his original rope to the north into the moat.

Evil Target was home free but at the last minute he accidentally gave a clue away to the guards. "That was close, they almost caught you!"

“You fool!" said Goblin, "I’m still not out yet!"

And with that tip Kettle and Tippy both awakened guards and they awakened them right next to the moat Little Goblin was swimming in. There were four directions they could choose from. One would lead them to where Goblin was hiding.

“I’m going to go around to the west," Kettle said, "Where are you going Tippy?"

Not south, not south. Little Goblin tried to will them away from where he was.

“Well,' Tippy said, "Could he be in the moat?"

No! Goblin thought.

“Just go east," Kettle finally suggested, "We don’t even know if he’s in this area still." So Tippy headed east.

Goblin, running short on time but having just dodged a bullet decided to wait a bit. He swam in the moat a little to the east. There were five sentries surrounding him everywhere but Goblin made sure he was quiet and moved so no one heard him. Then he waited treading under the water, using a little reed to breath. The guards listened intently all around him. Then they listened again. Was that the sound of bubbles?

Nope. We don’t hear anything. Kettle thought, He must be further south.

The guards turned their search elsewhere and Goblin knew he needed to make a break for it. He dashed out of the water and ran as close to the northern exit as he could. It was a mad sprint. If any of the three guards were listening they will have surely heard that!

But the guards to the north had already gotten bored of looking around, the search had resumed in the south. Goblin sped past the sole remaining guard, finally revealing his location.

“See you, suckers!"

Later, with no hard feelings, the four gathered together in a bar.

“Man, that was tough trying to stop you two today," reminisced Kettle as he sucked back a cold one.

“Yeah, it’s frustrating being a guard I bet," Target said and as he drank up beer spilled from the two holes in his gut.

Little laughed, "You are the worst ninja ever!"

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