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Subject: Going "Number Three" rss

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Chris Tannhauser
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I've spent my entire life going numbers one and two, often and enthusiastically, but I just now realized I've never gone number three. I'm terrified that I'll have to go suddenly, having built up a massive reserve over all the crampy, neglectful years, at the most inopportune time, like while doing public speaking in front of hundreds of people and cameras.

Also, which hole will it all gush out of? I'm worried it will be something unexpected and horrible, like one of my eye-holes. No, not like tears—like an entire eye-hole all at once.

Advice from experts in crytophysiology not just welcome, but desperately sought.

Thank you.
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Key Locks
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I would consider vomit to be Number Three.
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I popped a zit once when I was a teen that I swore was a #3. It may not have been, but I'm damn sure it wasn't natural.
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Rudy
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Yep, I had open this thread while eating lunch.
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I'd be more concerned with #4. #3 could just be a mixture of pee and poo remnants bound to gush from a random orifice. But I have no idea what #4 would compose of since #3 doesn't leave anything else to extrapolate from.
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I once saw a kid get out of the pool with a green snot streamy thing hanging from 4 inches from his nose. He said, "Wait I gotta get this".
I am pretty sure that was number 3.
P
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Ken
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You mean no one ever told you about Number three?

Geez. Ah. This is awkward. A little embarssing even. Uh...Well, er...I mean, usually someone tells you about this when...really, you don't know? I, uh...
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Rudy
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Maybe #3 is when you have diarrhea and are vomiting at the same time?
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I thought number three was the Larch.



The Larch.
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pronoblem baalberith
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How tall is justice?
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tickmanfan wrote:
Maybe #3 is when you have diarrhea and are vomiting at the same time?

I believe that is the infamous "Double-Door".
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Michael Edwards
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Going #3 happens naturally, at the time nature selects. Just relax and enjoy the experience. I know that due to overexposure in the media of pictures like the example below, many adults have anxiety that "it hasn't happened for them yet", while others have it happen very early in life. The timing is completely random, and not abnormal - there are plenty of others just like you!



However, if you haven't learned the secrets of the chicken suit by now, you are some kind of godawful FREAK.
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Joe Gola
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Number three discharges from all of your pores simultaneously. This is why I always bring change of clothes to game night.
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Steve B
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I thought number 3 was number 1 + number 2 coming out where number 2 does? I think everyone who has experienced that knows exactly what I'm talking about.
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Gola wrote:
Number three discharges from all of your pores simultaneously. This is why I always bring change of clothes to game night.

I just always wear a wetsuit under my clothes. Saves on dry-cleaning bills.
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Gil Hova
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In a metaphysical way, we are all going Number Three ALL THE TIME.

It explains a lot, if you think about it a bit, but not too much.
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artfuldodge2 wrote:
You mean no one ever told you about Number three?
Geez. Ah. This is awkward. A little embarssing even. Uh...Well, er...I mean, usually someone tells you about this when...really, you don't know? I, uh...


Um...I have to agree. Number three is Hairy Palmer.
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I'm free-basing midichloriens and the force is, like, an energy that connects and penetrates us all, man.
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IngredientX wrote:
In a metaphysical way, we are all going Number Three ALL THE TIME.

It explains a lot, if you think about it a bit, but not too much.


You'll go blind, kid!
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dreadpirate wrote:
artfuldodge2 wrote:
You mean no one ever told you about Number three?
Geez. Ah. This is awkward. A little embarssing even. Uh...Well, er...I mean, usually someone tells you about this when...really, you don't know? I, uh...


Um...I have to agree. Number three is Hairy Palmer.




I thought it, but you said it.

After reading his comment:
HiveGod wrote:
I'm terrified that I'll have to go suddenly, having built up a massive reserve over all the crampy, neglectful years, at the most inopportune time, like while doing public speaking in front of hundreds of people and cameras.


I almost put: Number three usually requires a second person
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Josh
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1+2=3=cloaca

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Josh
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Also, my trip down the Google-hole for "cloaca" revealed this gem:

Shame to waste it, I thought.
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Ken
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Chanfan wrote:
Going #3 happens naturally, at the time nature selects. Just relax and enjoy the experience. I know that due to overexposure in the media of pictures like the example below, many adults have anxiety that "it hasn't happened for them yet", while others have it happen very early in life. The timing is completely random, and not abnormal - there are plenty of others just like you!



However, if you haven't learned the secrets of the chicken suit by now, you are some kind of godawful FREAK.


OK. Sorry to derail the thread here, but I am really pissed. I suggested a variant of this costume idea to my wife when all my kids were too little to walk on Halloween.

Me: "I'll carry the kid in the Baby Bjorn. We'll put a ragged bloody t-shirt over the carrier and put fake blood all over our kid. It will look just like a chest-burster from Aliens. It will be awesome!"

My Wife: "That is a stupid idea. Forget about it. Hey, I thought I saw a little wooden cube on the floor. Must belong to one of your games. Better go figure out which one."

Me: "What? Really? Oh my God. I need to go figure that out... (runs down to the game room in a panic)"

My wife: Shakes head and mumbles under her breath something about why she didn't Marry that guy Chet whose family owned a vineyard.

Scene fades to black.
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Jason Sadler
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I thought #3 was the General Tso's Chicken, dragon fried rice, and an egg roll. Is there something I don't know about General Tso's chicken?
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Stephen Dunne
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I thought that a #3 was also known as Santorum.

Also, if you don't know what that is, don't google it. Really, I don't want you blaming me for it.
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Avri Balofsky
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JoshBot wrote:
1+2=3=cloaca



Since when is the kidney a reproductive organ?

Platypuses are strange.

I'll never look at Perry the same way again.
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