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Subject: ALL STICK AND NO CARROT rss

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Chris Tannhauser
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YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A
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So the good news is I've managed to create two new groups of rabid Cosmic players—nephew, sons, girlfriends & younger son's RPG group—the bad news is they're no longer taking any of my crap. After the few first games where I groin-kicked my way to shocking solo wins or lead "Coalitions of the Handsome" to group-victories, it's been a really, really long time since I got to pop champagne in my flagship and stand naked in front of the viewscreen, bathed in the light of conquered worlds as I chuckle and sip.

They've learned too well—from the classic "negotiate backstab" ("Let's talk about this," then, "Hey, why does your ambassador have a gu—" BOOM! Shot in the neck-balls.) and the "double negotiate backstab-backstab" where both ambassadors are hulking ex-special forces dudes who end up killing each other in the bathroom—among other dirty tricks that were hilarious the first time I did them. But now I'm picked on and picked over and the only time anyone even half-listens to me is when I have the floor of the Galactic Senate while trying to establish Districts 10, 11 & 12 on some weird-smelling planet.

So last night I'm the Vacuum, and I have my flare, and I'm thinking finally. I declare that all who stand against me shall suffer horribly and lo and behold someone calls my not-bluff and sends some of my ships to the warp... and I strip out their colonies. I do this several times, knocking the just-about-to-win leaders out of contention. Again. And again. Then I pull a mistimed double-cross and put my precious win at the mercy of the next two players. A Coalition of the Handsome is proposed and I watch my son's eyes flicker past me—he considers it, so briefly—and then invites everyone but me. After that it's all champagne and nakedness and weird high-fives while my people make bombs in slums.

In hindsight I realize I hurt too many too soon; what was required of such power was to make an early alliance with a weaker player, then nut-kick everyone else like hell, and then use the ally as reaction mass to sling myself over the finish line. Not to piss off everyone and then act like nothing happened when it came time for the win. Sociopaths, it turns out, really do finish last. So I think I need to detune my rep, play the patsy for a couple games, and then tighten up my timing so I don't end up that one beat short of the win.

They're smart, and on to me, so it's no longer about orbital Gatling guns the size of the Chrysler Building—now it's the poison needle in the back of the neck on the third hug.
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Paul DeStefano
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HiveGod wrote:
neck-balls


What the hell are neck-balls?
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The Dave
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Excellent post.
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Chris Tannhauser
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Geosphere wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
neck-balls


What the hell are neck-balls?

I know, right? Any creature hideous enough to have them is just asking to get shot.
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Big Head Zach
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Geosphere wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
neck-balls


What the hell are neck-balls?


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Shane Brewer
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Hilarious. There were so many references to testicular trauma that I thought I was reading about the latest episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. In a strange sort of way, it's a wonderful thing in Cosmic when the people you have taught the game to start kicking you in the....well, you know.
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Rusty McFisticuffs
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HiveGod wrote:
In hindsight I realize I hurt too many too soon

Or, didn't hurt them badly enough. It is a worthy goal to inspire seething rage in each of your opponents, but prudence demands seething impotent rage.
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Hugh G. Rection
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I nominate this Thread of the Week!

Neck-balls, indeed.
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George Rothrock
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HiveGod wrote:
They're smart, and on to me, so it's no longer about orbital Gatling guns the size of the Chrysler Building—now it's the poison needle in the back of the neck on the third hug.


Noted. OH SO noted.

Sincerely,
The Thursday Night Academy
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Willie Illie
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Oh, you! You had me at "stand naked in front of the viewscreen"!

Take my GG already! Oh. I don't have any. Mind if I strip down and share some of the screenglow? I'll stand out of eye(ball)shot...
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Mike Forrey
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Sounds like a normal game of Cosmic Encounter to me.
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mar hawkman
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grafzepp wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
They're smart, and on to me, so it's no longer about orbital Gatling guns the size of the Chrysler Building--now it's the poison needle in the back of the neck on the third hug.
Noted. OH SO noted.

Sincerely,
The Thursday Night Academy
also it's a time delay poison that you won't feel until an hour or so afterwards...
 
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Nick King
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I wish you were the author of every session report ever.
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