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Subject: Weird stuff that happened to me last week rss

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Apologies in advance if this is a bit too chit-chat for these hallowed halls. I have included an Obama related video at the end to restore the balance.

1. On Wednesday morning I was leaving for work when I noticed that the cat was asleep under a giant mushroom in the front yard. It was like an illustration from a book of fairy tales! As luck would have it I was carrying a white vinyl 12" of Touch Me (All Night Long) by Cathy Dennis, and a visual comparison showed that the cap of the giant mushroom extended beyond the radius of the hit single.

2. On Friday evening I was dining in an African restaurant when an Avril Lavigne-esque waif (with mascara and flanno) appeared in the restaurant window. She held up a placard that read:

PHIL
How could you?

Luckily my girlfriend was seated with her back to the window and I didn't have to explain this mysterious happening. Under the pretext of going for a piss I rose from my seat to apprehend the skater girl in question, but she saw me coming and did a runner.

3. And now the video:

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Jasper
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I demand a picture of the Mushroom!

Do you want us to believe that you no longer dream of Bojan?
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Boaty McBoatface
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Under Romney none of this would happen.
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Jaime Lawrence
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Phil is being accused of things! The end of the world is nigh!
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True Blue Jon
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So... How could you?
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Venga2 wrote:
I demand a picture of the Mushroom!



It looks smaller than it is because my hand is close to the camera while I lean over the wall of the flowerbed. The international standard woodchips at the base of MegaShroom give a better idea of scale.

Venga2 wrote:
Do you want us to believe that you no longer dream of Bojan?

Last night I dreamt that someone was strangling me... in another dimension! I awoke to find that I was wearing a hoodie and the strings were stuck under the cat. As I twisted and turned the hood contracted around my throat.
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quozl wrote:
So... How could you?

I dunno! I mean, I wish that I had, but I don't remember doing it.
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True Blue Jon
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sbszine wrote:
quozl wrote:
So... How could you?

I dunno! I mean, I wish that I had, but I don't remember doing it.


Man, how wasted were you?
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Mushroom update: it has become fatter and also browner, as if rotting. The cat now views it with suspicion.
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Josh
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Last fall I learned that the Internet does not have a mushroom identifier that works worth a damn.

One day my not-quite-two year old child wandered in from the back yard and exclaims "Mushrooms!" with the mushy mouth one has when it is full of wild and half-eaten mushrooms. I asked her to take me to where she found them, and my wife dialed Poison Control.

Poison Control gave what I suspect was accurate medical advice, but it was of little comfort: there was absolutely nothing to be done. Pumping her stomach wouldn't help. If she got sick, there was nothing anyone could do. And if she'd eaten the all-white one called Avenging Angel, she was triple megafucked.

I found one of the dozens of mushroom clusters that had sprouted overnight. I fired up the compubox, and Googled "mushroom identifier." The first link seemed erudite, but seemed targeted towards those who had a few upper-level mycology classes under their belt. There is a mushroom search engine of sorts, but I was sitting there going "Is this fucking thing's lamellae adnexed or emarginate?". It was all downhill from there.

It would seem intuitive to me geographical locale would be a good starting point for the identification of fungus, but all the resources I could find started and ended with morphology. The problem with that is that most mushrooms look like dicks.

Several Google pages deep I found a .pdf a woman had written for a presentation she'd given to a garden group or some such. In that file I discovered than many common mushrooms are called "blushers." If you break their stem, it will change colors right before your eyes.

I tried on this on the mushrooms I had, and was amazed that within a second the white flesh turned a deep orange. I'd learned that blushers usually give some GI distress, and are thus not good for eating, but they are otherwise harmless.

My daughter was fine.
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JoshBot wrote:
I fired up the compubox, and Googled "mushroom identifier." The first link seemed erudite, but seemed targeted towards those who had a few upper-level mycology classes under their belt. There is a mushroom search engine of sorts, but I was sitting there going "Is this fucking thing's lamellae adnexed or emarginate?". It was all downhill from there.

Oh, I had a similar experience with the millipede that lives in box planter on my windowsill. Eventually I found a photo of it labelled Unidentified specimen collected in Bunya Mountains National Park. So it is now known as 'Bunya'. On mornings after it has rained Bunya emerges to eat dead leaves and bits of windowsill, and to kick little balls of millipede poo around with his many legs.
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Here's Bunya's homepage:

http://lifeunseen.com/index2_item_6050.php

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Last summer we had a few tomato hornworms in a jar, and their poo production was astonishing. Three worms would cover the floor of a Mason jar within 48 hours.
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JoshBot wrote:
Last summer we had a few tomato hornworms in a jar, and their poo production was astonishing. Three worms would cover the floor of a Mason jar within 48 hours.


There are easier ways to get and more productive sources for manure based fertilizers for your garden.
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JoshBot wrote:
Last summer we had a few tomato hornworms in a jar, and their poo production was astonishing. Three worms would cover the floor of a Mason jar within 48 hours.


The long winter evenings must have just flown by.
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TheChin! wrote:
JoshBot wrote:
Last summer we had a few tomato hornworms in a jar, and their poo production was astonishing. Three worms would cover the floor of a Mason jar within 48 hours.


There are easier ways to get and more productive sources for manure based fertilizers for your garden.


The collected musings of RSP?
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chaendlmaier wrote:
Stuff like this makes me happy I don't take drugs.

Remind me to post a thread of my hilarious / terrifying LSD visions some time.
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Have you been licking Australian, hallucinogenic toads again?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoactive_toad

Darilian
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I want to see a picture of your cat.
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My hilarious and terrifying LSD visions amounted to three things: One time I was convinced I was taller than, and looking down on the tops of, some streetlights in Westwood. As it happened, I was looking up at them, realizing that I was doing so, and yet amazed that I could plainly be taller and smaller at the same time. Another time I took a leak and became convinced that urine is actually "essence-of-being fluid." Yet a final time I sat around staring at a bathtub's exterior for about an hour, noticing that the bugs crawling all over it never left their fixed, non-bug, not even really noticeable black mark, positions. Yes, LSD is your best friend.
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colleens wrote:
I want to see a picture of your cat.

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