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Subject: Female awareness warning rss

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LauLau J
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Just wanted to remind the other ladies (although apologies if I insult your intelligence) about men using a common interest in board games to hit on women on this site. Ive been hassled after sharing my game centre username, particularly by married men.
It might not have happened to you but its left me wary and thought I should share as a reminder.
Be safe ladies!
Xxx
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Lacombe
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Hassled here or on Game Center? Are these active BGGers or just jerks who happened to go browsing the internnet for Game Center IDs (like they might for emails / phone numbers)?
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LauLau J
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Hello!
Ive not been hassled on the forums else Id report the usernames directly- presumably that's possible with proof?
It has been in game chat after inviting me into games through game centre. It's definitely BGGers not random jerks, and I've not got a provocative photo up on game centre either.
Go figure.
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Lacombe
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How do you know it's BGG members and not just guys who googled something like "friends 20s game center" or something? BGG is huge and comes up in a lotof searches unexpectedly. Idiots just scouring the internet for young women's usernames could easily have found your post. Not saying there aren't bad eggs here, but I doubt it was someone actively reading the forums here and not someone who just happened to find your UN here. Safest would be to put the call out here for friends / BGGers to play with on Game Center and then private message them your screen name.
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NateStraight wrote:
How do you know it's BGG members


I wonder if, by "BGGers", she means board game geeks (in general) as opposed to BoardGameGeekers (users of this particular site).

Either way, it's sad that someone would experience that sort of harassment while enjoying a hobby site.
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LauLau J
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People that have contacted me on here when I said Id like more friends and then have been like that through game centre whilst playing games.
It's not randoms.
Just wanted to remind people, it's not more complicated than what I've stated.
Thanks.
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Lacombe
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See that's where I'm confused... if it's people that hav contacted you on here, then you ought to know their usernames and can call them out / report them to the admins.
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Melody
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You know it happens more often than you think. We all like to think that boardgamers are a cut above that sort of thing but I had something similar happen to me on BrettspielWelt. It wasn't too bad I guess but I only went twice although in that case I have no idea who the user was & it was quite awhile ago. Of course I was stupid & picked a female sounding username, won't happen again. I used to be quite very active in the videogame scene years ago, I was always hit on & sometimes not subtly.
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LauLau J
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See, That's what I'm heading at- its not about reporting a person or username because essentially I have no proof. The usernames are usually very similar so it's no real mystery.
Its more just a reminder that it does happen and there must be the odd cheesed off woman like me just trying to enjoy being a gamer without being hit on.
I'm slightly assuming there's not an equal balance of women hitting on men on here, however I might be wrong.
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Lacombe
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I don't necessarily think boardgamers in general are above that sort of harassment, Melody" but I do think the general community here (especially if we're talking about actively posting memmbers) seems to be. I'd be surprised if you GM'd a username to someone with a few patron badges and a recognized avatr / user account and were subsequently harassed by said person. Sane internet privacy protocols should keep you pretty safe on BGG, seems to me.
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Lacombe
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LauLau wrote:
See, That's what I'm heading at- its not about reporting a person or username because essentially I have no proof. The usernames are usually very similar so it's no real mystery.
Its more just a reminder that it does happen and there must be the odd cheesed off woman like me just trying to enjoy being a gamer without being hit on.


I'd stilll report your suspicions; I'd bet the admins would at least try to do something and wouldn't ask for "proof".

Quote:

I'm slightly assuming there's not an equal balance of women hitting on men on here, however I might be wrong.


By the same token, I'd assume there's an imbalance in the number of men here not hitting on women and the number of men who are.
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LauLau J
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NateStraight wrote:
LauLau wrote:
See, That's what I'm heading at- its not about reporting a person or username because essentially I have no proof. The usernames are usually very similar so it's no real mystery.
Its more just a reminder that it does happen and there must be the odd cheesed off woman like me just trying to enjoy being a gamer without being hit on.


I'd stilll report your suspicions; I'd bet the admins would at least try to do something and wouldn't ask for "proof".

Quote:

I'm slightly assuming there's not an equal balance of women hitting on men on here, however I might be wrong.


By the same token, I'd assume there's an imbalance in the number of men here not hitting on women and the number of men who are.


Agreed, there have been some really lovely people on here also.
And thanks, I'll inform the admin.
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Melody
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This site is wonderful, I can be myself without fear of bother. But being female in a mostly male dominated hobby you do meet the occasional creep which is to be expected, percentage wise. On the geek I haven't run into it myself but sometimes in game stores & of course the very weird thing at BrettspielWelt, at least as far as I'm concerned. At the geek I can actually be female, before in the video game world at the end I had to be neutral just to escape all the juvenile crap.
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Lacombe
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Matthew M
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Is the admin you probably want.
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LauLau J
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NateStraight wrote:
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Is the admin you probably want.


Much appreciated, thanks.
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Michelle
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Is it bad to get hit on? I would think that would be positive (even if you're not available), especially when the people doing so have a known common interest.

I definitely don't see how this is grounds for reporting people as long as they're respectful and back off if you tell them you're not interested.
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LauLau J
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That's how you feel about it and that's fine, however I prefer to be more explicit with my intentions. Friends means friends. There are dating sites for the intention of flirting, no?
I assume people are on here because of boardgames not to achieve gratification in other respects, but that's just me. Maybe I'm naive.
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Katherine M.
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No I understand, LauLau. Sometimes you just want to exist without being pawed at. Those times differ from person to person, but the point is that they exist and should be respected. Being "hit on" is not always a friendly compliment or a respectful proposition. Sometimes it's the exact opposite. If you're ever uncomfortable with something, especially stuff like this, that's totally okay.
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Johan Haglert
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Subject made me curious

I assume they notice themselves if they are being targets for courtship.

Was it men with genuine interest which just took their chances or men faking an interest because they had noticed there was females around?

(I can't really see the damage (well yes I can) in well intended show of interest / whatever as in it's a natural thing and natural consequence of any species with a sexual reproduction so to say. As long as that (showing interest) is all it is. But then I do of course see the problem with it being too excessive and common if that's an issue.)

((Shouldn't typing something like "Happily married wife at 38 living in California" or whatever give a hint that you don't want attention so to speak? Singles I guess have to fake it =P, or one could skip using real name I guess. Something like "Californiagamer" would be rather anonymous.))
 
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Johan Haglert
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LauLau wrote:
That's how you feel about it and that's fine, however I prefer to be more explicit with my intentions. Friends means friends. There are dating sites for the intention of flirting, no?
I assume people are on here because of boardgames not to achieve gratification in other respects, but that's just me. Maybe I'm naive.
I to think reporting is the wrong thing to do as long as it's a well mannered conversation / people back of when told so as said. I guess the admin could send a message like "xxx has told me she don't want your attention and I'd suggest you'd let her be." or something such but what else?

Of course "I liked your image from the xxx meeting want to meet some time?" may be starting to pushing it and well, it's all down hill from there

As for dating sites I can't recommend them and they truly suck.

Back in the days I used IRC a lot and hanged around in channels of my interest or with people in my area and there was a few (15-20%? more in channels intended for dating maybe) girls around but the setup wasn't for dating. The big difference with that and current dating sites is that you just hanged around there and talked with people. You got the ability to send private messages but in the kind of channels I was in a lot was public (if the specific case is dating then more likely not.)
That lead to normal conversation, getting to know people and eventually you talked to them "in person" by private messages but it could still be well intended regular chatting and not "what are you wearing?"
There was always the possibility that you get to know someone well / like them / ever meet them / whatever but it wasn't made for that and not used for that (in some cases at least.)

The difference with dating sites is that you open the 30% of the profiles which you think look good and then you view the image gallery at first and well, most likely that's all because it's not worth the time and effort but assume it is you may start to try to get someones interest or even read some of their profile.

But there will be thousands of people so you can't read all too much or put much effort into it and you can assume hundred+ of men or so will do the same decreasing your chances (even more if you don't do a good attempt but on the other hand is it worth it considering the success rate?)

In general you don't know much about the person since presentations are bad and if not long so you don't read them and they are often very generic. So the setup isn't all that great for getting a good start in the first place.

Maybe that's just me but nowadays I don't put any effort into such sites even though I'm registered just in case so to speak.

I much preferred the image less get to know someone with common interest / personality / interesting personality / location / ... way of IRC from this "pick 500 of 500.000 and spam away."
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Dale Moore
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To defend the men just a little bit. Although I don't know the specifics so they could have been completely out of line.

As you said your involved in a predominantly male dominated hobby. Board Games, video Games, computers and science fiction tend to be a men's club. And that's not because women aren't invited.

So there is something attractive about a woman that shares our interests. It's just human nature. Look at the Fans that famous Geek women have.


Flirting and "hitting" on a woman or a man is not the problem. That's human nature. Flirting and Hitting on a woman or man after telling him/her to stop is sexual Harassment and needs to be reported.

Now I'm not talking about being crass either. But if someone starts to find you interesting because they are getting to know you though your comments and Interests, be flattered, let them know your not interested, and move on.

If they are being rude, crass, harassing, or just plain disrespectful report them.
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Johan Haglert
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I guess it's off topic but I was reminded of a Facebook post by an older guy/man I know about a week ago.

He had seen a bunch of boys talking or whatever and a sad or disturbed girl so he told the six or so years old boys to be nice to her.

They answered that they was being nice and was in love with her.

(He talked to her? and) she said she knew that but she wasn't in love in either of them.



Well? What do you do? He told them that instead of whatever method they had used they should be nice to the girl and show their interest by picking and giving her flowers or something such.

... so they did .. and he left (probably also because he had to but maybe also due to "Oups. What have I done? =P")


Upon writing this on Facebook the response probably wasn't what he thought he would get because people were more or less threatening the guys like they was rapists and how the girl needed to be protected from them and so on. But they wasn't. They was boys (and a girl) who had started to notice their differences and were playing with it / starting to try to find a way to manage it / show their interest.

And later she had chased them and there was flowers lying around all over.



Don't know where I'm going with that but then to I reacted because yeah, they showed interest. But if they and no males ever did they themselves wouldn't had existed in the first place and it's how mating work and if you fail at mating you're dead and so are your genes so don't expect that to catch on. We are just carriers of our heritage/genes and the only true purpose in life is to eventually spread that over to a individual. Whatever it's the best individual or not doesn't matter all that much since the best will eventually be more likely to survive and the poorer specimen get filtered out sooner or later.

And we are developed for mating and will try to mate, hopefully in the best way possible which for men happen to be rather generously and for women (MAYBE) "with the right one" because it's a huge investment for the women in time, risks and fertility / number of children (OR MAYBE NOT AND THAT'S JUST SOCIETY / WHAT PEOPLE EXPECT.) If the women just laid hundreds of millions of eggs somewhere in hope some guy would fertilize them then things might had worked differently but as is we are mammals and according to evolution it had turned out that it was better to focus on one (..) children and let it develop for long within the mother until it was born to give it the best start in life. It seems.
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Andy Andersen
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There are a lot of people everywhere who are social misfits.

Ignore them. It's easy to do.
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Yeah what the rest of everybody said.

Or just give everyone his name and the rest of us'll beat 'im up, 'cause that's how we do. We hart our BGG ladies and will totally go all white-knight 'n' stuff. :brofist:


EDIT: JUST BECAUSE it sometimes get lost when involving me + words, this post is an attempt at levity, perhaps even humor. Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff!
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Snoo Py
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LauLau wrote:
That's how you feel about it and that's fine, however I prefer to be more explicit with my intentions. Friends means friends. There are dating sites for the intention of flirting, no?
I assume people are on here because of boardgames not to achieve gratification in other respects, but that's just me. Maybe I'm naive.


Social interaction are also part of board gaming, and flirting is a form of social interaction.
Also flirting does not necessarily mean actively looking for a sexual mate.....
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