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Subject: Stopped going to some game groups.... have you done so, and for what reasons? rss

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I'd like to hear what others have been experiencing in the past.

For me, it's been a buffet of reasons.......
1) not enough time (can't board game every day of the week)
2) not a good day of the week and time of day
3) too far of distance (I'm amused I drove 1h 30m to 1h 45m round trip for a weekly board gaming group for as long as I did wowshake )
3.1) traffic.... (e.g. if it's a weeknight, it's 50 minutes or more to fight traffic. On a weekend, 20 minutes'll do)
4) It's all party/parlor/social games | not enough strategy/euro/thematic games
5) parking is horrendous
6) fees just weren't worth it (e.g. pay even $1, but for few table options, and certain areas that were poorly lit)
7) people just didn't have the same boardgaming interests as you
8) burnt out with certain groups


14) didn't want to have to buy new games (e.g. they only have base game Dominion and would love Dom w/exp. However, it just wasn't worth it to me to get Dom exp, and we really haven't been able to find games we both agree on)


Overall, I noticed that with groups that I weren't going to as a 1-shot deal or only a handful of times, I never formally said goodbye to the groups (yeah, what a great way to "breakup" laugh, but I also feel like I'm complaining if I do, or whining even more in addition to the times when I played games with them ); I never had any gripes with the people themselves... I ended up bumping into the same folks on sparadic occassions outside of game nights to my delight, or didn't mind chatting with them about current events or even geek stuff during game nights; and sometimes, this is the best way to meet new people and try out new games and activities.


EDIT: some clarifications, added another bullet point
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Simon Woodward
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As a game group organiser, I'm very interested in the reasons why people stop attending. Yeah they very rarely tell me (unless they're moving to another town). I'm very open to suggestions and complaints, after all I run the group as a service to gamers! But it seems most people don't like to give either suggestions or complaints.

Your list is good, I'd add:
9) sick of playing with certain people (e.g. AP prone)
10) other life events crop up
11) games are too heavy and scared me away
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4, 9, & 10.

Plus 12) Thoughtless, ignorant players messing up my games with sticky fingers, spilled drinks, bending the cards, generally not showing any respect for other peoples property. shake
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Adam
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I am the guild leader of a public gaming group that has been meeting weekly for about 5 years. We have a core group of members that show up religiously, but various people have come and gone over the years for various reasons, many of which have been stated above. Reminds me of a an 80's song called "Seasons Change" by Expose. laugh
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Darren Rigby
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I won't waste a number on it since this is a pretty unique reason:

The group I attended was hosted by one guy at his place of business with a large office area. He told us one week that the once-a-week thing was burning him out, and he was scaling back to once every other week. It was certainly understandable.

The person who introduced me to the group in the first place hadn't been able to go in many weeks as he was a FLGS owner and really burnt out. He asked me if I was going to the guy's business for games... on an off week. He'd been specially invited to go and I hadn't. I stopped going altogether after that. If he didn't really want me there....
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Personality compatibility issues and general unreliability of most of the group members including the organizer. That and a serious difference in game taste. I tolerate and like some Euros, but at my core, I'm an Ameritrash fan. I don't want to play most of the games they play. Too many new Euros. I'm burnt out on Kingdom Builder and Ora et Labora. I want to roll dice and shoot stuff!
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James Fehr
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I was never a religiously regular game group attender, but I did meet with a couple of groups occasionally until about a year ago. My main reasons for slowing down / stopping are:
- With a growing family, I can't afford very much time away from my children.
- My children have become my main game group, and are now old enough for me to throw pretty much anything at them.

Having said that, I still love getting together with other families and friends and even strangers for some ad-hoc gaming when I can, and I've thoroughly enjoyed BGG.CON the 2 years I was able to attend.
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Georg D.
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We once had a nice gaming night every other week at our FLGS. Usually I managed to go there nearly every time and it was great fun. We usually fast mixed some groups and got our games to play. Usually at the end we played some lighter games where you need a bigger group. (Although I own a copy of linq I'm not sure if I ever ued it as mot f my games were within this gamehop.)

The first years were great but more and more I lost interest
- the event got quite big so it was less familiar
- the location was not good for 40+ people - we had not enough tables, and the accustic was bad with as many tables as crowded together
- most of the people who went to this gamenight came as a group and wanted to play as a group - sure you could ask to play with them but either the game doesn't support such a big group or you play with them but you are aware that you are the only one who isn't best friend with everybody
- At the end the shop was less generous in which games were allowed to be opened so most of the times you played the same old games or you had to tell them beforehand if you wanted to play a special game so one of the employees could bring his own copy.


The result was: most of the time it startet with a fight for a free table and ended up playing the same games with the same people...

conclusion: Buy the good games and meet with those same people at some private place where you have enough space and it is much more quiet.
To the open game night I only went when there was some special game I wanted to try out...
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Neil Cook
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I'd agree with everything you were saying, if only you were right...
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Up to about two years ago, I had two game groups. Both meet weekly, the first of which is about a mile from my front door the second around 30 miles.

I stopped going to the local one mainly because of 2 regulars who became so engrossed in their own personal metagaming with each other that they ruined it for me (and others)..... "I don't care if you owe him for that time three months ago he beat you to the family growth space and cost you the game - LET IT GO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
They weren't nasty or aggressive about it with each other - but for me, they should have gone and played some 2 player games by themselves and left the rest of us to enjoy our gaming. Instead I meet up with some of the other regulars from this group on a monthly basis and have a great evenings gaming with them - without the buffoons. Who are probably arm wrestling each other over who can hit the longest drive with a 3 wood as I type this

As a result I'm happy to make the 60 mile round trip most weeks for an enjoyable evening's gaming.
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Patrick C.
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Odd to me that there are multiple individuals saying a group played too many party/social type games. Of all the groups I've been involved with (a total of four cover a 60 mile radius) I've yet to encounter this. I would love to play Times Up!, for example, more often, but almost never get a chance to do so. Wish I had that problem.

Only issue I've not participated in a group:

1. Snottiness/OCD/arrogance of some participants. "This game isn't any good. Caylus is better." Especially after playing a game I happen to really really like. And a game that was never pretending to be anything like Caylus. Yeah, you know where you can stick your Caylus . . . (nothing against the game, just the 'tude).

Other than that, I put up with peeves such as almost never playing a game more than once or twice before everyone moves on. That drives me insane, but I have no choice because it's so common in my area.
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Scott M.
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13) Religious reasons.

Attended a game group via invite. Only went once, left about a half hour after arriving...

Game group would only play non morally compromising games. Any game that required the player to be dishonest(lying) or promote back stabbing was frowned upon,

Well, TI3 was out the window, whatever..yuk
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I am very fortunate to live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where there are numerous game groups to choose from. I have tried many of them at some point. I chose the Berkeley Board Gamers for several reasons:

1. More gender and age balance. I found the groups that are heavily male dominated or older to be less friendly to newcomers, and to play more war games and things I am not interested in.

2. Nice range of abilities and gaming interests. We play mostly Euros, but at all levels. If I want a 4-5 hour game of Dominant Species, I can get that. I can also get into a game of Takenoko, if I want something lighter.

3. Nice people that are people I would hang out with even in non-gaming settings (and have)!

4. It's pretty social. People talk during games, and not just about the game.

5. I think we are very welcoming to newcomers, which is great because we meet right near UC Berkeley, and there are always new people coming and going who are in some way affiliated with the university.

The people that have stopped coming to our group are often wanting to play only one kind of game that doesn't get played much in our group (ie, 18xx or Ameritrash), or they don't like the relative youth and inexperience level of the group. There are numerous experienced gamers, but there are also lots of new and inexperienced gamers around.
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Simon Woodward
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Pallet Ranger wrote:
Up to about two years ago, I had two game groups. Both meet weekly, the first of which is about a mile from my front door the second around 30 miles.

I stopped going to the local one mainly because of 2 regulars who became so engrossed in their own personal metagaming with each other that they ruined it for me (and others)..... "I don't care if you owe him for that time three months ago he beat you to the family growth space and cost you the game - LET IT GO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
They weren't nasty or aggressive about it with each other - but for me, they should have gone and played some 2 player games by themselves and left the rest of us to enjoy our gaming. Instead I meet up with some of the other regulars from this group on a monthly basis and have a great evenings gaming with them - without the buffoons. Who are probably arm wrestling each other over who can hit the longest drive with a 3 wood as I type this

As a result I'm happy to make the 60 mile round trip most weeks for an enjoyable evening's gaming.


This is a good one to watch out for. As our group goes longer, the relationships between the old timers become stronger, and there's the possibility of a new person feeling left out if there are too many in-jokes etc. Good call.
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#12 did happen to my copy of a board game, but it was only once, on the board itself which luckily won't affect gameplay, it was that one time, and was an accident, so I didn't include that. I have heard of much worse though, definitely enough to turn off game owners.

manukajoe wrote:
As a game group organiser, I'm very interested in the reasons why people stop attending. Yeah they very rarely tell me (unless they're moving to another town). I'm very open to suggestions and complaints, after all I run the group as a service to gamers! But it seems most people don't like to give either suggestions or complaints.

Your list is good, I'd add:
9) sick of playing with certain people (e.g. AP prone)
10) other life events crop up
11) games are too heavy and scared me away


I'm sure you already knew this, but just in case... I wouldn't take those absences personally. It's much like when playing boardgames themselves.


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David Hoffman
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We stopped hosting gaming at our house with an organized group (we still game with our friends, of course) after one of the organizers decided to, mid-game, get up and floss in my kitchen. By "floss" I mean exactly what you think I mean: he flossed his teeth standing in the center of my kitchen, pinging little bits of food out from between his teeth onto my floor, counters, cabinets, etc.

Oh, then he screamed at my wife for holding up the game. After she got up to get him something he explicitly asked for. Yeah. Not invited back. Figure you can't not invite the organizers so we dropped the whole group. So it goes.
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The War Chief
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1989Game wrote:
Was told my body odor created a problem for other players. I guess they never heard of metagaming.

Stinky Gamer Alert! gulp
Bad Gamer! Shame on you!yuk


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Stephen Keller
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manukajoe wrote:
As a game group organiser, I'm very interested in the reasons why people stop attending. Yeah they very rarely tell me (unless they're moving to another town). I'm very open to suggestions and complaints, after all I run the group as a service to gamers! But it seems most people don't like to give either suggestions or complaints.


I'd bet you that when people don't state a reason it's because some kind of dynamic/s changed that weren't entirely compatible with that person. Giving constructive criticism in a situation like that may seem selfish to that person. Given that most of the gamers I've met are incredibly well mannered and respectful of others the easiest solution may seem to be to back away and not stir the pot - especially if it appears that the rest of the group is happy.

You shouldn't take anything personal from their sudden absence. You can't please everyone all the time and sometimes it's best to let the core group ebb and flow and allow the outliers to shake their way out.
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ohbalto wrote:
We stopped hosting gaming at our house with an organized group (we still game with our friends, of course) after one of the organizers decided to, mid-game, get up and floss in my kitchen. By "floss" I mean exactly what you think I mean: he flossed his teeth standing in the center of my kitchen, pinging little bits of food out from between his teeth onto my floor, counters, cabinets, etc.

Oh, then he screamed at my wife for holding up the game. After she got up to get him something he explicitly asked for. Yeah. Not invited back. Figure you can't not invite the organizers so we dropped the whole group. So it goes.


lol.... Nice description! Very funny!
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ohbalto wrote:
We stopped hosting gaming at our house with an organized group (we still game with our friends, of course) after one of the organizers decided to, mid-game, get up and floss in my kitchen. By "floss" I mean exactly what you think I mean: he flossed his teeth standing in the center of my kitchen, pinging little bits of food out from between his teeth onto my floor, counters, cabinets, etc.

Oh, then he screamed at my wife for holding up the game. After she got up to get him something he explicitly asked for. Yeah. Not invited back. Figure you can't not invite the organizers so we dropped the whole group. So it goes.


But...he...you...why!?!

There is no part of that that is OK!
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jazgonz wrote:
I am very fortunate to live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where there are numerous game groups to choose from. I have tried many of them at some point. I chose the Berkeley Board Gamers for several reasons:

1. More gender and age balance. I found the groups that are heavily male dominated or older to be less friendly to newcomers, and to play more war games and things I am not interested in.

2. Nice range of abilities and gaming interests. We play mostly Euros, but at all levels. If I want a 4-5 hour game of Dominant Species, I can get that. I can also get into a game of Takenoko, if I want something lighter.

3. Nice people that are people I would hang out with even in non-gaming settings (and have)!

4. It's pretty social. People talk during games, and not just about the game.

5. I think we are very welcoming to newcomers, which is great because we meet right near UC Berkeley, and there are always new people coming and going who are in some way affiliated with the university.

The people that have stopped coming to our group are often wanting to play only one kind of game that doesn't get played much in our group (ie, 18xx or Ameritrash), or they don't like the relative youth and inexperience level of the group. There are numerous experienced gamers, but there are also lots of new and inexperienced gamers around.


Dammit, that sounds like heaven.
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jazgonz wrote:
The people that have stopped coming to our group are often wanting to play only one kind of game that doesn't get played much in our group (ie, 18xx or Ameritrash), or they don't like the relative youth and inexperience level of the group. There are numerous experienced gamers, but there are also lots of new and inexperienced gamers around.


I stopped going to Games of Berkeley and Eudemonia (introduced by Phil), but continued driving up from San Jose to End Game because I found sharp aggressive committed players at End Game who gave their games their all and with the small exceptions of Phil and possibly Arden (who were infrequent/rare attendees at the time), I didn't find that at Games of Berkeley and Eudemonia.
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Avalanche Master wrote:
My current gaming group is becoming tiresome after 3-4 visits.

One guy in particular has moved any posts or correspondence appertaining to the group over from BGG to Facebook for some inane reason.

Not happy with some folks stunning banner artwork to promote the club, he has chimed in with him having five years marketing & corporate ID under his belt, and to this date has so far produced no results.

His sole game has took over 100%, and turned what was once a gaming club into him hosting a season of fanboy Tournaments, which doesn't let any other folks games see the light of day.




Take the rest of the group and start a group without mr. bossybannerman?
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Boardgaming groups are a fascinating group of people for psychologists to study:
1) Happy go lucky, semi-serious gamers, there more to have fun than "Be The Winner".
2) "Be The Winner" types, that are only there to win, and if they don't win, its because of some sinister conspiracy that was arranged in secret against him. He'll act very "disappointed" in everyone, and drop big hints that he won't "waste" his time coming again. But, next week - there he is. Hooray.
3) The whiner. The player who is never happy, unless he's winning. If not, then its constant pissing and moaning, in a thinly veiled attempt to ruin the gaming experience for everyone at the table. Then after the game he follows the other players around and tries to get into whatever game they're playing next.
4) The mental case. The person who apparently is let out of the mental hospital one night a week to attempt to "socialize". This person can cause a wide range of problems at a game table, such as continually talking about things that have nothing to do with anything, not even reality. And is surprised when you finally interrupt him and tell him "its your turn". Then he looks at the board, and asks "ok, so whats going on... wheres my piece? Did I get my cards? When did you move there??".
5) The Lost Soul. The gamer who is looking for a new Bestest Friend in the Whole World, and targets a player, who has no choice in the matter. The Lost Soul will get to the gaming event early, so as not to miss out in getting into whatever game his Bestest Friend in the World is going to play. And he won't get into any other game if you're late, no siree. He'll/She'll wait all night if he has to, until YOU walk in.

I'm getting ready to go to game night in a couple hours, so I'm trying to get myself psychologically ready.
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I quit going to a FLGS 'open gaming' night because it didn't have any set starting time. Some people would be there all day - whenever they had enough to play, they'd play. You could show up later and there would be no one to play with because they already started a game that had no announced starting time.
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Stopped going to one game group (avg age of those attending was mid-20's) because frankly they had the attention span of gnats. Before we could finish one game they were already talking about the next one and not paying any attention to the game actually being played. And we were playing short Euro's that took, maybe, an hour to play. I did tell them tactfully why I wasn't coming back anymore.

Stopped going to another game group (avg age of those attending was 50-ish but had a wide range) because they really didn't so much want to play as just talk about the "good old days". One game I started there didn't manage to finish the first turn after 4 hours (it was a 10 turn game that I usually play in 2 hours at most). But I sure heard every detail about how a game of Panzerblitz turned out in 1972. I also tactfully told these folks why I wasn't coming anymore.

Stopped going to another game group (really broad variety of folks of all ages) because there were several folks there who would just walk away from a game if they weren't winning and go start another one and leaving the rest of the players hanging. I didn't bother telling them anything - just didn't come back - somehow that seemed appropriate.

Oh, almost forgot one. Attended a group that was new to me for the first time. After the 5th guy there made some comment that most new people didn't come back a second time I got the hint that this bunch had been together so long they really didn't want any new members despite their professing they needed new players. Alas, I didn't make a second session.


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