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Subject: The funny joke thread rss

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7 Billion Stories
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Post funny *clean* jokes here!

(I don't really know any jokes, I'm wanting to learn some, thanks!)

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R Moore
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"Ha ha" funny or the way aunt Nancy smells? y'know... funny.
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Not sure I understand how you mean. I just thought it would be nice to have a collection of funny clean jokes is all.
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Should I have posted this thread in "Chit Chat"? I hazarded a guess as the best place to put it. Can this thread be moved there, if need be?
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Life is a lamp-flame before a wind.
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Well, this one's old, but it's good.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
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Liam
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7BillionStories wrote:
Can this thread be moved there, if need be?


Moved to Chit Chat as I suspect you'll get more entires.

Why did the Mushroom get invited to the party?

Because he's a fungi.

Why didn't the toadstool not get invited?

Because there wasn't mushroom.
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Marky Mark
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An engineer dies and goes up to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate, checks his book, and says "Sorry, looks like there was a mistake. You're actually going to hell."

So the engineer checks into hell. It's hot and uncomfortable, and he gets pretty unsatisfied with how things are there so he sets to work. Pretty soon there's toasters, flush toilets and air conditioners, and things are looking up.

One day God calls the Devil up on the phone, and ask's him with a sneer "How are things down there in hell?"

The Devil answers, "You know, things are going pretty good. We've got toasters, flush toilets, air conditioning and who knows what this engineer is going to come up with next."

"What, you got an engineer? That was a mistake - send him back up here!"

"No way, I like having an engineer down here. I'm keeping him."

God starts to get spitting mad, "Send him back up here now, or I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs and laughs into the phone. "Yeah right. Where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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David
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The joke is obsolete by now but just imagine it's the year 2000...

One day god invites Linus Torvalds (30), Steve Jobs (45) and Bill Gates into heaven and grants each of them one answer.

Linus goes first and asks: "God, when will Linux be stable and completely bug free?" God ponders for a moment, then answers: "In about 70 years." Linus replies: "I don't think I'll see that day..."

Next up is Steve: "God, when will MacOS be stable and completely bug free?" God thinks for a while, then some more and finally answers: "In about 60 years." Steve replies: "I don't think I'll see that day..."

Then it's Bills turn: "God, when will Windows be stable and completely bug free?" God thinks for a while, then some more, and even more... Bill asks again: "God, when will Windows be stable and completely bug free? Then god replies: "I don't think I'll see that day..."
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