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Subject: The Wife Walks Out on a Game rss

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Jeff Johnson
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Ron Parker
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Is it just me, or does this seem more like the kind of thing you should be telling your marriage counselor?
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Joey Victoria
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I have to say that was a very immature thing for your wife to do. Little children do things like storming out of a game. However, you shouldn't have called her out in front of you all's friends. You should have waited till your friends left and had a calm discussion with her.
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Don
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You and your wife may be looking for different things in your games.

For her games may be a social opportunity to talk and joke around while for you it may be more serious where players should be concentrating on the game.

Also, perhaps you should try co-op games with her. Maybe competitive games are not her thing.

Although its generally bad etiquette for a player to storm out of a game I do prefer that than for the person to keep it all bottled up and then blow up at some point. She may have done the right thing for her. (She doesn't sound like a gamer so perhaps gamer etiquette doesn't apply here).

And then there is the possibility that you should play games with others and not your wife. Perhaps both of you will be happier for it.
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Yikes.
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Matt Brown
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Also, don't play Catan with your wife.
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I've found that some very mature, totally normal folks will revert to childishness when gaming. Especially those who don't game often. It's almost like they associate board games with kiddie stuff anyway, so its OK to act like a child. (Btw, just my observation in general. No idea if it applies to your wife - I don't know anything about her other than the info you provided)

But, you know what? Some people just don't like games. They don't have fun. They don't like strategy, or the luck, or the competition. It's just not for them. Personally, I'm not a big sports guy. I'd rather go pull weeds than watch golfing. If I were forced to watch golfing, I might also complain, or leave the room. Maybe your wife just isn't meant to be a board gamer. And, if this experience is instructive, maybe you just don't have your wife play.

And there's nothing wrong with her sitting and chatting while everyone plays. Usually there's a conversation going on anyway (at least in casual-ish games like Settlers). Sometimes my wife is taking care of the kid and doesn't feel like she can commit to the game. But she still sits nearby and talks and participates that way. Maybe that's the better way to go for your wife.
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Curt Carpenter
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Jeffr0 wrote:
So we have friends over. Turns out my wife's bud is nuts about Catan. We play a four player game and my wife fusses because we can't add her in.

surprise surprise surprise

I can't even fathom how you could have friends over -- your wife's friends no less -- and leave her out.
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Robert Beachler
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Catan sucks, try something where you can't lose in the first 5 turns around the board because your numbers never come up.
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Jeff Johnson
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Brian M
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Quote:
I have to say that was a very immature thing for your wife to do. Little children do things like storming out of a game.


The notion that you are obliged to keep playing a game that you aren't having fun at is, in many ways, a fairly unique thing to hobby gamers. If you're in a party situation, and one group of people decide to start watching some incredibly stupid TV show, are you obliged to keep hanging around that group of people and not switch to the group over in the other room talking about something you want to discuss just because you started watching the show with them? Would anyone even bat an eye if you said "Agh! My IQ is dropping just watching this nonsense!", shook your head at them, and went to go join a different group?

The average non-gamer may not even know that a game isn't like that, and that one player leaving can have an effect on the game. (Though, the consequences in Catan isn't huge - take the stray player's pieces off the board and keep going).

A game where you've gone a good ways through without accomplishing anything (based on your description) and where you are possibly being steered into bad moves by an experienced but malicious "teacher" sounds like a whole lot of not-fun.

Put that together, and compare this to some times when some guy just flipped out, and "storming out" of a game barely merits a blip on an "immaturity" detector.
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curtc wrote:
I can't even fathom how you could have friends over -- your wife's friends no less -- and leave her out.


Right. Go play somewhere else and leave the wife home.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll use the less politically incorrect phrase, "Have a Boy's Night Out". Meanwhile, find a "couples" activity that includes your wife, even if it's not Catan. While I didn't storm out on the last game of Catan I will ever play, I know what your wife means.

I saw your games owned list. Four-player Ogre with the boys manning the CP's versus the wives playing Mark V's... laugh
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J T
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Jeffr0 wrote:
So we have friends over. Turns out my wife's bud is nuts about Catan. We play a four player game and my wife fusses because we can't add her in. While we're playing... my wife comes in and announces that the important thing about games is the chance to talk. She then starts gabbing with her friend and then complaining that the game is taking too long.


Yeah - she was totally in the right here (well not totally but 90% or so - whining always deducts 10%). Having *her* friends over and then doing something with them that doesn't include her? Total dick move, buddy.


Quote:


A couple weeks later... the friends are back... this time with the 5/6 player expansion. She complains that the game is too complicated, but fortunately we have the best game teacher in the world explaining things. My wife makes a point to explain that this guy is a way better game explainer than I am. (The dude is actually an expert at convincing the noobs to do things that help him win, but never mind that.)

So we're finally playing and my wife's numbers aren't coming up a lot. She almost gets the cards she needs to build a settlement and... bam... her friend swipes the spot from her. Later... she's going for another spot and... boom... her friend's husband takes it.

At that point my wife gets up and walks to the kitchen and saying that the game is stupid. I call out to her that it's not good etiquette to storm off in the middle of a game. But it's no problem, though, as Super Game Explainer's girlfriend took her place... and traded a bunch of stuff to him so that he could immediately win.

Woo-hoo.


You should thank SGE's girlfriend for ending an incredibly awkward social situation for you. That girl did you a freaking favor.

Oddly throughout your post you seem more annoyed with the people winning the game with less than kosher tactics than you do about alienating and belittling (in front of a crowd no less!) your own wife! This is some very bad behavior - on *your* part (and to a lesser extent hers - the graceful thing to do would have been to finish the game with poise and dignity but we are all human after all).
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Jeff Johnson
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Shawn George
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Seriously, you need to see a marriage counselor yesterday. Even if you think that everything else in your marriage is going fantastic, the fact that you're so upset about her behavior in this scenario that you feel the urge to vent about her to a bunch of strangers on the internet indicates that there are some deep-seated problems that need to be addressed. For now, stop playing games with her or around her, as clearly this isn't the type of hobby that she's emotionally equipped to enjoy.
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Catan 5/6 is painful even in the best of times, and clearly this was not the best of times...
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Tim Collett
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There are a lot of factors here that none of know about and aren't taking into consideration:

- Does his wife play games any other time?
- Did the friend say they were going to bring over Catan to play?
- If so, did the wife approve?
- Is this a normal evening with these friends?

There are just a lot of factors here that we haven't considered is all.
(removed because the original poster answered the questions)

A game shouldn't cause angst and ultimately should be fun. If the wife was deliberately left out of the game, then her complaining about the game taking a long time isn't a big deal but then again, what else did she want to do?

I am a believer that if you are invited to do something and you choose to accept the invitation, you do it and work hard to just finish it to the end. If you have kids and they are playing with friends and the game isn't going in your kids' way, should they just walk off? Just how I think of it anyway.

Just like being invited over for dinner to someone's house and they serve something you don't really care for (not anything you are allergic to or something like that). You sit down, you smile and you eat anyway. Sometimes you have to take one for the team in order to get something you want later on.
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John Borders
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sturner wrote:
Get a new wife who shares your interests.


Not very helpful but lol
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Brian Korreck
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Been there, buddy. My wife placated me for a while by playing games with me. After she moaned and groaned all through a game of Survive, it dawned on me that she didn't really like games. She was just playing to make me happy or spend time doing something together. I told her I'd rather play solo than listen to her complain. Haven't played a game since. I get plenty of gaming in with buddies, so my itch is scratched. The only thing I told her was she will have to play family games when the kids are old enough. Reply: "Yeah, we'll see."
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Brent M
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Sorry you had such a bad experience. The worst I get is having my wife tease me about not liking a game when she's losing (be it Dominion or even Cribbage). I hope you're able to find an amicable solution.
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Jeffr0 wrote:
...my wife is not a gamer.


Then I guess having her play games isn't the right thing to do?
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Brandon
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StormKnight wrote:
Quote:
I have to say that was a very immature thing for your wife to do. Little children do things like storming out of a game.


The notion that you are obliged to keep playing a game that you aren't having fun at is, in many ways, a fairly unique thing to hobby gamers. If you're in a party situation, and one group of people decide to start watching some incredibly stupid TV show, are you obliged to keep hanging around that group of people and not switch to the group over in the other room talking about something you want to discuss just because you started watching the show with them? Would anyone even bat an eye if you said "Agh! My IQ is dropping just watching this nonsense!", shook your head at them, and went to go join a different group?


Worst analogy ever.

My enjoyment of a TV show is far less reliant on having someone watch it with me (dare I say nil!). A boardgame often breaks or is unplayable as soon as one person decides they aren't going to participate anymore.

Edit: Forgot joke response: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing
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Jeff Johnson
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Putts wrote:
Seriously, you need to see a marriage counselor yesterday. Even if you think that everything else in your marriage is going fantastic, the fact that you're so upset about her behavior in this scenario that you feel the urge to vent about her to a bunch of strangers on the internet indicates that there are some deep-seated problems that need to be addressed. For now, stop playing games with her or around her, as clearly this isn't the type of hobby that she's emotionally equipped to enjoy.


With all due respect, I think you are making some woefully unsupported assumptions. Just because a guy wants to blow off a little steam (if that's even what this is), and does it in a way that won't hurt or embarrass his wife (anonymously), in a forum where people will understand, does not mean that there are "deep-seated problems" with his marriage.

In most marriages, when there is a minor tiff or when one person gets annoyed, you don't need to go see a marriage counselor. You wait for things to cool down, maybe talk it over with friends if it's a bigger deal, then you apologize (even when it isn't all your fault), everyone forgives, and then the potential for make-up sex. Then it's never thought of again.

And, I think it's hard to assume that, just because his wife didn't want to play Settlers, and he wanted to commiserate with like minded fellows, that therefore his marriage is in trouble and needs counseling. If everything else is great in their marriage, and this is the only problem on their road to marital bliss, then we should all be so blessed.

It's a little annoying that people can't talk a little about their significant others and gaming on these boards without someone diagnosing their marriage as in need of serious counseling.

Disclaimer: I recognize the benefits of counseling for marriages that have more significant trouble. I'm not saying counseling is bad or wrong, only that it shouldn't be recommended if all you know is that one party doesn't like board games.
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