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Subject: French translation wanted, and English reviewing rss

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Corné van Moorsel
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Question 1: For the box texts of next Cwali-game TWEEEET I need French translating. Hereunder you see the texts in UK, DE, NL already. Comments on those languages are welcome too.
Text to translate (or improve) to FR is made RED.

Box underside:

UK:
In spring robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting ground.
As a bird you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your congener birds, when you reach your nest spot.

DE:
Im Frühling fliegen die Rot- und Blaukehlchen zu ihren Nistplätzen.
Als Vögel müsst Ihr während dieser Wanderung genügend Beeren und Insekten fressen. Versucht, zusammen mit Euren Artgenossen Euren Nistplatz so gesund wie möglich zu erreichen.

FR:
In spring robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting ground.
As a bird you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your congener birds, when you reach your nest spot.


NL:
In het voorjaar vliegen roodborstjes en blauwborstjes naar hun broedgebieden.
Als vogel moet je genoeg bessen en beestjes eten gedurende deze trektocht. Probeer samen met je soortgenoten zo gezond mogelijk een nestplaats te bereiken.

CONTENTS/INHALT/CONTENU/INHOUD
- 20 landscape tiles
- 1 start tile
- 6 birds
- 6 color chips
- 13 strawberries
- 12 berries
- 11 caterpillars
- 10 beetles
- 5 nuts
- English rules

- 20 Landschaftstafeln
- 1 Starttafel
- 6 Vögel
- 6 Farbchips
- 13 Erdbeeren
- 12 Johannisbeeren
- 11 Raupen
- 10 Käfer
- 5 Nüsse
- Regeln in Deutsch

- 20 landscape tiles
- 1 start tile
- 6 birds
- 6 color chips
- 13 strawberries
- 12 berries
- 11 caterpillars
- 10 beetles
- 5 nuts

- règles en français

- 20 landschaptegels
- 1 starttegel
- 6 vogels
- 6 kleurfiches
- 13 aardbeien
- 12 bessen
- 11 rupsen
- 10 kevers
- 5 noten
- Nederlandse spelregels

author/Autor/auteur: Corné van Moorsel
graphics/Gestaltung/illustrations/illustraties: Ron van Dalen
miniatures/Miniaturen/miniatures/miniaturen: Phanee Jaiwan

Contains small parts, not suitable for young children.
Enthält Kleinteile, nicht für kleine Kinder geeignet.
Bevat kleine onderdelen, niet geschikt voor jonge kinderen.
Cette boîte contient des éléments de petite taille, qui doivent être tenus à l'écart des enfants.

Question 2: For the rulebook I don't have a FR translator yet too. Earlier games translator didn't react last days. Tell me if you like to translate. Rulebook is short.
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John "Omega" Williams
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Quote:
In spring robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting ground.
As a bird you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your congener birds, when you reach your nest spot.


Replace "congener birds" with something like "fellow birds" or "flock".
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Omega2064 wrote:
Quote:
In spring robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting ground.
As a bird you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your congener birds, when you reach your nest spot.


Replace "congener birds" with something like "fellow birds" or "flock".


Bluethroats? Don't know that one.

In the UK, we say 'birds of a feather flock together'. It really applies to types of people, but is a very well-known saying in English.

In spring, robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting grounds.
As a bird, you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your birds of a feather, when you reach your nesting spot.
 
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John "Omega" Williams
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Sounds too rymy...

As for a bluethroat...

 
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Pierre Rebstock
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FR:
Au printemps, les rouge-gorges et les gorgebleues s'envolent vers leur nids. Comme ces oiseaux, vous devez attraper suffisamment d'insectes et de baies pour cette migration. Soyez l'oiseau, et l'espèce, en meilleure santé en arrivant aux nids!

The translation feels a bit clumsy still. I think it needs to move further away from the original text but it's a bit hard to do with knowing more about the game/context. For example, I'm not a bird expert but I never knew about "bluethroats" so had to wiki that one Also I really want to use "nidification" to describe the nesting grounds but it almost feels too technical. As always, the further away you move from word-to-word translation, the better it will be.

- 20 Tuiles Terrain
- 1 tuile de départ
- 6 oiseaux
- 6 jetons de couleurs
- 13 fraises
- 12 baies
- 11 chenilles
- 10 scarabées
- 5 graines

Translations of beetles and nuts would depend on the exact type, probably artist's choice, as the name would be rather different from one type to the next. For example: noisettes/hazelnuts, noix/walnuts, noix de cajou/cashew nuts are grouped under the not-very-gamey terme of "fruit a coque" (=fruit with shell).

Ce produit contient des pièces qui peuvent être avalées. Ne convient pas aux enfants de moins de trois ans.

Probably should check some official website about that one. If you got this on your box, don't you have to meet some european/international standard? and then get the corresponding official label?

Quote:
Question 2: For the rulebook I don't have a FR translator yet too. Earlier games translator didn't react last days. Tell me if you like to translate. Rulebook is short.

Happy to help
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Corné van Moorsel
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thanks for the help!
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EYE of NiGHT wrote:
In spring, robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting grounds.
As a bird, you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, along with your birds of a feather, when you reach your nesting spot.
 
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Corné van Moorsel
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EYE of NiGHT wrote:
EYE of NiGHT wrote:
In spring, robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting grounds.
As a bird, you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, along with your birds of a feather, when you reach your nesting spot.

I saw. Why repeating? For if you are currious: I took over your adjustments, but chose 'fellow birds' currently.
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cwali wrote:
EYE of NiGHT wrote:
EYE of NiGHT wrote:
In spring, robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting grounds.
As a bird, you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, along with your birds of a feather, when you reach your nesting spot.

I saw. Why repeating? For if you are currious: I took over your adjustments, but chose 'fellow birds' currently.


I changed 'together' to 'along'.
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Michael Wißner
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Two comments on the German version:
- I would suggest using "Plättchen" for "tiles" instead of "Tafeln". It might depend a bit on their size, if they are rather small then go with "Plättchen" otherwise "Teil" might also be fine. But "Tafel" is not something I would use in this context.
- In all other languages, you have "berries" and "strawberries" so basically the generic term and the subtype. In the German version, you have two subtypes with "Erdbeeren" and "Johannisbeeren". I actually like the German version better (of course, this depends on the colour and shape of these berries), but I'm wondering where the difference is coming from.

Edit: I just looked at the game's pictures, and:
- The tiles (suppose they don't change size in the final version) should definitely be called "Plättchen" (which is for both singular and plural)
- The berries that are not strawberries actually look like blackberries to me, which would make it "Brombeeren" instead of "Johannisbeeren".
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Andreas Pelikan
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MiWi wrote:
Two comments on the German version:
- I would suggest using "Plättchen" for "tiles" instead of "Tafeln". It might depend a bit on their size, if they are rather small then go with "Plättchen" otherwise "Teil" might also be fine. But "Tafel" is not something I would use in this context.

+1 Plättchen definitely is the term that would be used by 99.9% of German publishers.


MiWi wrote:
- In all other languages, you have "berries" and "strawberries" so basically the generic term and the subtype. In the German version, you have two subtypes with "Erdbeeren" and "Johannisbeeren". I actually like the German version better (of course, this depends on the colour and shape of these berries), but I'm wondering where the difference is coming from.

The problem is with English and German falsely calling strawberries a berry (unlike bananas and pumpkins, strawberries are not botanic berries). In French and Dutch it's not a problem, but 'strawberries and berries' (Erdbeeren und Beeren) sounds weird. The German translator apparently took some liberty and specified the berries to be Johannisbeeren (currants, aalbes/zwarte bes).


MiWi wrote:
- The berries that are not strawberries actually look like blackberries to me, which would make it "Brombeeren" instead of "Johannisbeeren".


From that picture I couldn't tell whether those are generic berries, small grapes, currants, raspberries, brambles or anything else. A closeup of a single piece at different angles would help.

PierreNZ wrote:
- 1 tuile de départ

Pierre, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds like 'departure tile', i.e. the tile where the birds are initially and which they will leave during the game.

Corne, is this specific interpretation of 'starting tile' appropriate in the game's context? If not, something like tuile de commencement, tuile d'entrée or tuile de début might be better (Pierre or other native speaker, please advise).
 
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Pierre Rebstock
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Puschl wrote:

PierreNZ wrote:
- 1 tuile de départ

Pierre, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds like 'departure tile', i.e. the tile where the birds are initially and which they will leave during the game.

Corne, is this specific interpretation of 'starting tile' appropriate in the game's context?

That's the context i took it in . With the theme of migration being almost like a race. The birds will leave that tile and migrate to another end point along a path built with the other tiles. And "case de depart" in french being the most common translation for starting point/square, i chose that translation.

Quote:
If not, something like tuile de commencement, tuile d'entrée or tuile de début might be better (Pierre or other native speaker, please advise).

To my eyes, those options don't "sound" right but i'm not saying that i hold the ultimate truth of what's right and wrong Almost like reading "tile of beginning" in english. I suppose an alternative could be "tuile initiale"?
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Andreas Pelikan
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PierreNZ wrote:
Puschl wrote:

PierreNZ wrote:
- 1 tuile de départ

Pierre, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds like 'departure tile', i.e. the tile where the birds are initially and which they will leave during the game.

Corne, is this specific interpretation of 'starting tile' appropriate in the game's context?

That's the context i took it in . With the theme of migration being almost like a race. The birds will leave that tile and migrate to another end point along a path built with the other tiles. And "case de depart" in french being the most common translation for starting point/square, i chose that translation.

Quote:
If not, something like tuile de commencement, tuile d'entrée or tuile de début might be better (Pierre or other native speaker, please advise).

To my eyes, those options don't "sound" right but i'm not saying that i hold the ultimate truth of what's right and wrong Almost like reading "tile of beginning" in english. I suppose an alternative could be "tuile initiale"?


Pierre, thanks for your response and Corne, sorry for bringing this up unnecessarily. It seems I took the term 'départ' too literally. Carcassonne uses 'tuile de départ' as well (I wanted to check before my previous posting, but didn't find French rules on BGG. Didn't think of checking the publisher's website). So it seems to be the accepted translation for start tile, even in the context of 'start landscaping here'.
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Andrew Rowse
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cwali wrote:
Question 1: For the box texts of next Cwali-game TWEEEET I need French translating. Hereunder you see the texts in UK, DE, NL already. Comments on those languages are welcome too.
Text to translate (or improve) to FR is made RED.


I know this feedback wasn't requested, but that name really doesn't work for me - if you're going to use a made-up word, it MUST have an obvious spelling, and if you're going to have extra letters in a word, there MUSTN'T be so many that a quick glance is insufficient to count them. At a glance, I can't tell whether your game has three, four or five Es, and that's a major problem when it comes to googling it!

Quote:
UK:
In spring robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting ground.
As a bird you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your congener birds, when you reach your nest spot.


The problem with doing an amateur translation and then requesting a review is that it actually makes the job harder for a professional translator. Most prefer to be given the original text only. The non-native English here leads translators in the wrong direction.

I would suggest something a little less faithful to the original, such as:

It's spring, and the birds of the hedgerow are flying to their nesting grounds. As you guide your bird to his destination, be sure to seek out berries and bugs for him to eat, so that he arrives healthy and in high spirits.

I've tried to inject a bit more whimsy into the copy, and roll in the qunitessentially English obsession with hedgerow wildlife. The concept of fellow birds sounds like an important game concept, but not one that needs to be expressed in a short blurb - it should be enough to let the player know that they're helping one or more birds fly to a nesting ground and eat tasty treats en route.

Tell us more?

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Puschl wrote:

The problem is with English and German falsely calling strawberries a berry (unlike bananas and pumpkins, strawberries are not botanic berries).


Running off on a tangent:
The problem is with science adopting a common term, defining it in a technical manner, then common folk attempting to show their erudition by back-applying the scientific definition to everyday life. It in no way edifies me more greatly to give my weight in pounds of force or newtons when questioned than it does to state it in pounds or kilograms. Calling pumpkins a fruit is not particularly helpful for culinary purposes and neither is the argument that pumpkins are berries not gourds, especially when pumpkins are not gourds but only gourd-like squashes anyway. I don't see it as anywise practical to start calling avocados, watermelons, oranges and coffee beans berries even if they do fit the do fit the botanical definition (or the "false berry" definition).



cwali wrote:
berries and bugs

Continuing the aside, aside from colour those appear on first glance to be ladybirds which I am sure everyone knows aren't bugs.
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Corné van Moorsel
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TWEEEET is how a bird's sound gets written sometimes. To focus such the working title was Twee-eet with subtitle prrrt-prrrt.
From http://eileenmitchell.blogspot.nl/2012/05/animal-planet-101.... : 'enjoying a brisk early morning walk today when I heard it: "Tweeeet, tweeeet, tweeeet." '

I want to have on the box that you play together with fellow birds.

BTW: The bluethroat is not such a hedgerow bird. http://www.birdpix.nl/album_page.php?pic_id=308744

Thanks for all ideas.
 
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blaecblaed wrote:
Puschl wrote:

The problem is with English and German falsely calling strawberries a berry (unlike bananas and pumpkins, strawberries are not botanic berries).


Running off on a tangent:
The problem is with science adopting a common term, defining it in a technical manner, then common folk attempting to show their erudition by back-applying the scientific definition to everyday life. It in no way edifies me more greatly to give my weight in pounds of force or newtons when questioned than it does to state it in pounds or kilograms. Calling pumpkins a fruit is not particularly helpful for culinary purposes and neither is the argument that pumpkins are berries not gourds, especially when pumpkins are not gourds but only gourd-like squashes anyway. I don't see it as anywise practical to start calling avocados, watermelons, oranges and coffee beans berries even if they do fit the do fit the botanical definition (or the "false berry" definition).



cwali wrote:
berries and bugs

Continuing the aside, aside from colour those appear on first glance to be ladybirds which I am sure everyone knows aren't bugs.

Thanks for the funny comments. (You forgot the bananas.)
Let's make the text as written by or understandable by the birds. For them beetles and ladybugs ... oh, you wrote ladybirds, it's called ladybugs I think, so it are bugs. And in Dutch lieveheersbeestjes (ladybugs) are kevers (beetles). The idea is that it are beetles for the birds, with making the miniatures I choose 1 type of beetle. 10 types would work confusing.

About "professional translating" as mentioned here in other comment ... Past 16 years I had no (serious) mistake in a rulebook. Not bad. I know what I do.
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Andrew Rowse
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cwali wrote:
TWEEEET is how a bird's sound gets written sometimes. To focus such the working title was Twee-eet with subtitle prrrt-prrrt.
From http://eileenmitchell.blogspot.nl/2012/05/animal-planet-101.... : 'enjoying a brisk early morning walk today when I heard it: "Tweeeet, tweeeet, tweeeet." '


While it's true that the word is sometimes spelled that way to add flavour to text (in the same way the a phone might go 'rrrrrrrring'), the normal spelling is just two Es. My point remains - that using more than three identical letters is a barrier to recognition.

When somebody tries your game at a pub games night and LOVES it, they'll go home and try to find it online so they can buy it. It's unlikely that they'll remember how many Es there were in the name, so will have to rely on Google to try to figure out what they mean.

They may even go straight to their favourite flgs's site, and that may have a less sophisticated search engine that only finds exact matches (as BGG does) - so when they search for 'tweet', they won't find your game.

Quote:
I want to have on the box that you play together with fellow birds.


I went and read the info here on BGG, and yes - the cute communication gimmick is a definite selling point!

Quote:
BTW: The bluethroat is not such a hedgerow bird. http://www.birdpix.nl/album_page.php?pic_id=308744


Lol - I'm no ornithologist! My point was to add whimsy, and having checked out the BGG info, I'd say that whimsy is even more appropriate than I first thought. This is a cute game!

The downside is the bluethroats are practically unheard of in English, unlike the other languages where they share etymology with robins. Would you consider changing the name to something more common for the English version? Maybe thrush or even bluejay?

Given the above (and putting aside the bluethroat issue for now), I'd revise my suggestion to something like:

It's spring, and the robins and bluethroats are flying to their nesting grounds. By cooperating with the other birds of your species, and making sure that you all eat enough berries and bugs, you'll be certain to arrive healthy and in high spirits.
 
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Corné van Moorsel
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The Google problem of the name I did consider before choosing.
The good thing is that it are only 7 letters to remember.
A game called The Great Wall of China is not easy to Google too.
While Tweeeet now already leads to the game quick.
BGG search has literaly search I think. That should be changed for this game.

KAndrw wrote:
... more common for the English version? Maybe thrush or even bluejay?

I googled images for bluejay, nice, then for thrush ... wish you warned me.

The main aspect of the blue birds miniatures in the game is their blue throat. For my feeling thrush or bluejay doesn't fit.
In general it's not bad if the subject of a game is not situated in the country you live. (With StreetSoccer most games are sold in US/Korea/Japan.)
(Robins and bluethroats both live in Netherland in summertime. (And robins in wintertime too, but that are not the same birds.) Robins are very common. Bluethroats not so common, but in some areas winning terrain. In NL a rise from 1000 to 10000 breeding pairs. Probably because more nature areas got fewer intervention by humans last 20 years. I just like to tell this. )

KAndrw wrote:

It's spring, and the robins and bluethroats are flying to their nesting grounds. By cooperating with the other birds of your species, and making sure that you all eat enough berries and bugs, you'll be certain to arrive healthy and in high spirits.

Thanks, sounds fine.
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cwali wrote:
About "professional translating" as mentioned here in other comment ... Past 16 years I had no (serious) mistake in a rulebook. Not bad. I know what I do. :)


Yikes. Please take this as constructive feedback...

Looking at your website and at the rules for games you've published, your English copy is not good. It is serviceable, and does the job, but it's very clearly written by a non-native speaker. Sometimes there are peculiarities that slow down comprehension.

A lack of serious mistakes is admirable, but it's not the same as quality writing. And subpar writing does affect the way your product comes across. It gives the impression that the product is low quality, which is especially unfortunate because I personally have really enjoyed playing Power Boats and Sun, Sea & Sand.

I was raised on Shakespeare and Pratchett, and I love the English language. I hate seeing it misused, and just a few days ago I sent an email around work explaining how to properly use reflexive pronouns and avoid abominations like "that job is the responsibility of myself". It's likely that badly-written English bothers me more than other people, so take this with a grain of salt...

I really don't enjoy reading dodgy English, and if I saw the blurb from your OP on the back of a game box, I would be very unlikely to buy that game. Badly written copy can be a deal breaker for me. I honestly believe that you could reach a wider audience by getting a native speaker (who has good writing skills - to be fair many native English speakers are terrible writers!) to revise your translations, and given the quality of the games you've published I'm sure you would have no shortage of volunteers.
 
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Corné van Moorsel
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The texts are always revised by native speakers.
Sometimes I cannot take over each correction:
- When I don't understand the text self I cannot answer English questions about the rules texts later.
- If the intention in the text got lost.
It will never be that perfect, I see that with other multi-language publishers too.
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KAndrw wrote:
It's spring, and the robins and bluethroats are flying to their nesting grounds. By cooperating with the other birds of your species, and making sure that you all eat enough berries and bugs, you'll be certain to arrive healthy and in high spirits.

Thanks again. Here some thougths about that. Also to show that it's not so easy to choose for "writting in the words which are the most common choises for a narritive speaker".

"It's spring,"
C: I had those start words before, but found it strange for an October release. That's why it was "In Spring,". But okay, "It's spring" describes the setting more direct, I take that again.
"It's spring, and the robins and bluethroats"
C: ", and" and "and ... and" in different ways, not so fine for the few box text lines in my opinion. How normal it sounds I don't know precise, but these lines should be kind of 'perfect text lines', not too much 'speaking language'.
"are flying to their nesting grounds."
C: I like to scrap everthing which makes things indirect, in Dutch. I want that in English too, so "are flying" I don't like here. I make that "fly". I don't know which words sound the most fluent, but I want the direct version.
"By cooperating with the other birds of your species,"
C: This I like. It makes it more clear that you play in a team.
"and making sure that you all eat enough berries and bugs,"
C: It may sound fine to read in English, but for the inventor of the game it sounds strange. Each turn you go to a berry or bug to eat. So the number of berries/bugs you eat is equal. So as inventor I don't like to read "enough berries and bugs". Players compete in eating the most nutricious (energy value) berries and bugs and spending the shortest flying distances (flying costs energy).
"you'll be certain to arrive healthy and in high spirits."
C: I used the word "reach" instead of "arrive" because the word "reach" better refers to fullfilling a goal. The box text normally tells about the goal of the game. That's missing now literally, though it still suggests. "arrive" doesn't give me the feeling that it is hard for birds to reach the nesting grounds.
"healthy and in high spirits."
C: The game is about the migration untill reaching the nesting grounds. These words suggests different. And I don't like the "double written" for the box text, but that's just me.
Considering all this and more I now made it:

It's spring. The robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting grounds.
By cooperating with the other birds of your species, and making sure that you all eat the best berries and bugs, you can reach your nesting spot in the best health.


Comments still welcome. Changing much will not help anymore, then I must change that again, which again wil not be perfect.
I now am afraid readers will think it is a very peacefull cooperative game without competing by comparing. While the competition is very hard in the game, if you play to win. But the box picture and game picture seem to suggest that the robins and bluethroats compete hard. (Anyway, it's not a bad description, files should go to printhouse this week.)
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Andrew Rowse
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My wife is an interpreter and translator, and worked for several years in Brussels. She says that while it's quite common for subject matter experts to spot mistakes in translated works, it's very rare for even the experts to be able to make proper corrections in their non-native language. In the overwhelming majority of cases, the non-native 'corrections' turn the copy into clumsy and clearly non-native text.

This is especially frustrating for the translators, because it generally would have been easy for them to take on the mistakes noted by the expert, and adjust the translation to become correct while remaining fluent.

So I totally understand where you're coming from when you raise issues about translations missing the details of the original. That said, I think you're making some fairly big mistakes when you change the translation yourself.

Quote:
"It's spring, and the robins and bluethroats"
C: ", and" and "and ... and" in different ways, not so fine for the few box text lines in my opinion. How normal it sounds I don't know precise, but these lines should be kind of 'perfect text lines', not too much 'speaking language'.


This is a style issue, and I won't claim that my style is universally popular. However, English tends only to use short sentences/clauses (especially at the beginning of copy) for serious or dramatic effect - like:
It's time.
They're here.
Mythic Greece is in chaos.

By letting the setting (spring) flow into the subject, the words become more gentle, which I thought was appropriate. Short, staccato sentences make the game sound angry and serious (to me).

Quote:
"are flying to their nesting grounds."
C: I like to scrap everthing which makes things indirect, in Dutch. I want that in English too, so "are flying" I don't like here. I make that "fly". I don't know which words sound the most fluent, but I want the direct version.


When you replace 'are flying' with 'fly', the sentence stops being English. Unlike German (which I speak) and Dutch (judging by your original copy), native English NEVER uses simple present to describe something that is happening - we always use present continuous. We never say "I go to the shops now", always "I'm going to the shops now".

Simple present is used for generalities - things that happen under circumstances - such as "I go to the shops every Tuesday" or "horses bite when they are frightened".

Quote:
"and making sure that you all eat enough berries and bugs,"
C: It may sound fine to read in English, but for the inventor of the game it sounds strange. Each turn you go to a berry or bug to eat. So the number of berries/bugs you eat is equal. So as inventor I don't like to read "enough berries and bugs". Players compete in eating the most nutricious (energy value) berries and bugs and spending the shortest flying distances (flying costs energy).


I understood this from the long description in the BGG entry, but personally felt that it wasn't a critical piece of information for the blurb. Furthermore, 'enough berries and bugs' is EXACTLY what is written in German and Dutch, isn't it?

Quote:
C: I used the word "reach" instead of "arrive" because the word "reach" better refers to fullfilling a goal. The box text normally tells about the goal of the game. That's missing now literally, though it still suggests. "arrive" doesn't give me the feeling that it is hard for birds to reach the nesting grounds.


In English, this distinction does not exist - or at least it's not distinct enough in this context to convey the struggle you want. I think we can find another way to convey that.

Quote:
"healthy and in high spirits."
C: The game is about the migration untill reaching the nesting grounds. These words suggests different. And I don't like the "double written" for the box text, but that's just me.


English expressions often feature redundancy - hale and hearty, toasty and warm, right and ready. However, it sounds like it would be better to focus the reader on the struggle rather than suggesting that arrival is a certainty.

Quote:
It's spring. The robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting grounds.
By cooperating with the other birds of your species, and making sure that you all eat the best berries and bugs, you can reach your nesting spot in the best health.


'Best health' is not English, and 'best berries and bugs' sounds very unusual - the casual reader will not understand what makes one berry 'better' than another. You could say 'choicest', but that sounds a bit too posh. 'Most nutricious' sounds a bit clinical.

I wonder whether we can capture some of the red vs blue feel of the original copy, possibly by using the slightly archaic 'redbreast'? It really ups the whimsy factor, so would only work if the rest of the text supports it...

In the early days of spring, flocks of robin redbreasts and bluethroats are flying to their nesting grounds. You'll need to cooperate with the other birds of your flock if want to reach your destination, by making sure that you all eat enough berries and bugs on the way.

By introducing the word 'flock' at the start, we can avoid using the far-too-scientific 'species' later on. This is a fun little game about cute birds, and you don't want to scare off customers by suggesting that they'll need a lab coat! I've retained the 'enough' in the last sentence, because I don't think there is a good way to express 'best' without detracting from the sentence.
 
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Andrew Rowse
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Incidentally, looking back at the original:

In het voorjaar vliegen roodborstjes en blauwborstjes naar hun broedgebieden.
Als vogel moet je genoeg bessen en beestjes eten gedurende deze trektocht. Probeer samen met je soortgenoten zo gezond mogelijk een nestplaats te bereiken.


The most literal translation possible would be something like:

In the spring, the robins and bluethroats are flying to their nesting grounds. As a bird, you must eat enough berries and bugs during the journey. Try to make sure that both you and the other birds of your species reach your destination in as healthy a state as possible.

However, this does not sound fun - in English, it sounds like an entry in an encyclopaedia! Starting again from scratch, with the feedback you've given so far, I offer this as an alternative:

It's spring! As a robin redbreast or a bluethroat, it's time for you to fly to the nesting grounds with your flock. You'll need to work together, seeking out delicious berries and bugs to sustain you through the journey, if you want to outdo the other birds!

Other English speakers, please chime in! Especially if you dislike my suggested translations - that's information Corné could definitely do with!
 
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H-H Boudje
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FR:
In spring robins and bluethroats fly to their nesting ground.
As a bird you must eat enough berries and bugs during this migration. Try to have the best health, together with your congener birds, when you reach your nest spot.

Au printemps, rouges-gorges et gorges-bleues volent vers leur lieu de reproduction. Vous êtes un oiseau qui doit manger suffisamment de baies et d'insectes au cours de cette migration. Essayez d'arriver dans la meilleure santé possible avec ceux de votre espèce sur votre terrain de nidification.


I can't do a better job since I didn't understand the point of the game:
Is it a cooperative game and everybody should arrive healthy? Are you a single bird, or are you in charge of an entire species?
Ho, and in France, robins are sedentary, so I was really surprised to read that they travel a lot in other part of the world, so if the game is not centered around that bird, may be you should use another species in the french cover.
Feel free to send me a PM if you have questions or need an eye on the rulebook.
Best regards.
 
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