My initial excitement to play, what I thought to be some window into the past of a board game, was above my usual excitement for playing board games...which is close if not more than comparable to that guy who loves rainbows so much.
The most recent Risk games I've played have been Risk 2210 A.D., and more recently, Risk: Legacy. Now, I have played this style of Risk sometime ago in the past, but it's been years since that time and unfortunately, I hadn't remembered this fact before we all agreed to play what was soon to be one of the longest, most mundane, and insane nights of board games for each of us. So my family and I tore open the flimsy box to see some nostalgic wooden pieces and oblongs. Then some dialog ensued:
"Are the oblongs worth 3 units? 5? 10?"
"How many units do we start with?"
"Probably 8 right?"
"LOL! No way dude, more like 50 or so."
"Fifty!? Whatever man, that is way too many. I'm telling you, at most 10."
...checking the rulebook...
"Holy moly! We get 30?!?! What is this game?!"
"Who wants to be which color?"
"Omg, I think I just pooped my self from excitement!"
Soon after, we began placement
The placement phase caught me off guard. I forgot how to do this part which is why I was so shocked with how many troops we started with in the beginning. Then it dawned on me, placement for this early Risk game was done one territory at a time. For whatever reason, I thought this to be different yet the surprise reinforced my thrill for soon to be playing this old style of Risk. However, ANOTHER determinent for placement entered our game night which threw me for a loop.
This edition of Risk dealt out the ENTIRE deck of territory cards one by one to each player. Then we placed one unit in the corresponding territory. My bad-ass luck had ALL but one territory in Europe. So I became the early Euro Boss. This early, dominant position, had my opponents drooling/worrying about my territories. Yet, they never once considered the inoquious Austrila who, some how, more often than not, ends up beasting these Risk games. Nor did they consider the four fronts which my units needed to concern themselves with, making me a rather simpleton to a certain degree. Nevertheless, I was hounded meticuliously from the get go which soon lead me to this position:
...weak pic, sorry
Up to this point, the game was SLOOOOOOOW. From my memory, at least two people grab their pair and do some damage on another foe. This game was a completely different story. What are the odds that four passive players join up to play a game of Risk all at once? Maybe not that far off, but still, it happened, AND sucked. At least two hours passed, after which the Australian territories were methodically inching out through Asia. Africa and I, Europe, were heavily exchanging territory for territory in hopes to weaken the other to the point of a push. North America was royally ruining his opportunities by leaving his southern front open for a South American push, which humorously was controlled by the Australian player. South America soon after became owned by Africa wherein I thought it a good opportunity to take an Africa territory with my 55 reinforcements...sch-yea, 55 flipping reinforcements!
Now, I forgot to mention something of the utmost importance when discussing play of this edition of Risk. When you conquer a territory, you draw from the territory deck. This may be common to some and foreign to others, so, I mentioned it. The way we played, as was stated by my cousin to be "in the rules", for I did not bother to look, was once you have collected at least 5 territory cards, you MUST play, on your next turn, three territory cards. This allows the player to gain reinforcements. The first to reinforce through cards gains a small number of units. Towards the 10th, 12th phase of this process, you are reaping HUGE rewards. Hence my ability to issue 55 units into the African territories, to cut off the continent bonus, and I took one of the South American territories, to cut off that bonus too. Silly me did not consider the amount of cards which Africa had and thus the following happened to me:
...77 troops on my boarder
It did not take long for Africa to clean up ALL but one of my territories which held close to 15 units or so. He was nice enough to leave one of his recently captured European territories with 6 units, so I could "gain a territory card", HA! Looking at the picture above the most recent one, you may note that Asia is tickling my feet with it's hot breath for it is so close to my boarder. What good would it be for me to capture a territory card just to be wiped out in the next move and thus provide another territory card to that swine who used the Austrailian strat? Bleh to the all I say! And thus, this was my final position before my inevidible demise:
...before you kill me, I'll kill myself
Before I wrap this report up, I think its extremely important to remind those who may have forgotten, like me prior to playing this game, that when you are battling it out between units, you are rolling dice. No big deal right? Okay, imagine you must roll dice for a battle of 77 troops versus 55 troops. Attacker gets three dice, defender gets two. I need not do the math to itterate to you how drastically BORING the game becomes when you are rolling dice after rolling dice after rolling dice. The excitement was long gone for me simply because I knew even if I were to survive this 77 unit onslaught, Asia would be next to sweep up the remains. Thus, as soon as Africa dropped 77 units on my boarder, I spritually gave up. The last round of turns took somewhere close to an hour. This was completley due to the dice rolls. It was not possible for us to make the game progress any faster and unfortunetly, this weakens the fun for a player like me. The demontedness of this game became apparent to me when I finally noticed the stupidly happy whale who was hovering over Greenland. What a coincendience that I would notice his fat happy face right when I am going down in this sessions history as the first to lose. What a tool:
...laugh it up big fella
To conclude, I enjoyed spending time with my family into the wee hours of the night, and especially to be playing board games with them, making it that much more enjoyable. But I wish we would have played something which did not make me want to pull my hair out. Thanks to all who read