Devoted Follower of the Most Holy Church of the Evil Bob. Possessed and down the road to become chaotic, evil & naughty. All hail the Evil Bob and his Stargate.
I saw the ad and I couldn’t resist. It had to be mine. I already own way too many games, but I always welcome those little weird ones, even if you know that game play is not that great, graphics have amateur status at best, and because of the small print run, it is mighty overpriced. However, I happily received my Schlongo dice and compelled my wife to play it with me. She was a little sceptical about the topic, but hey, we’re married and over 16. We can talk about Schlongos all day long.
You get a small box (really small – it won’t use up much space on your game shelf), six special Schlongo plastic dice and a small slip of paper containing the rules. It should be noted that the box’s bottom is covered with foam – the designer/producer obviously takes care that the dice with all these Schlong symbols won’t get a scratch! Good thinking, I might add!
Alright, you get identical 6 dice, each showing one Head, one Balls, one Love-Heart, and three sides with Shafts valued 1, 2 and 4.
Schlongo is a really simply dice game, using the successful Yahtzee mechanism: on your turn, you roll all six dice; you may keep whatever dice you want and then roll a second and a third time. Love-Hearts may not be re-rolled but must be put aside.
Your goal is to roll one Head (together this would count as 1 inch of length), one Balls and a really long Shaft, as the numbers in the shaft-symbol means additional inches. Hearts are worthless, except if you manage to roll 5 of them, in which case you immediately get another turn, or you roll 6 of them, in which case you simply win the game (without any Schlongo, I might add). Otherwise, the player who rolled the longest Schlong wins (please note: ”roll”, not ”has”, meaning with this game, everyone has the same chances of scoring).
There is an optional rule (I think it’s optional – it’s located at the end of the rules after the example), where it says that for every Love-Heart you rolled, you have to do something naughty – this “something” is left unruled and for the players to decide. Maybe we can expect some great rule variations here in the rules forum of Schlongo. I will stick to the basic game for a while, but that shouldn’t keep you guys from experimenting and … erm … playtesting. Please upload your naughty variants – variation keeps a marriage game alive!
I’m one of these guys who rated Busen Memo a 10. I mean, in no way can said game compete with an Advanced Squad Leader scenario or a good game of 18xx, but still, just because of the graphic design, I value my copy.
With Schlongo, you may draw the attention of your fellow female gamer, but be warned: rolling a 17 inches long Schlongo can bring you into trouble ... I cheated a little when I played with my wife, I told here that these are centimetres. It’s good for your self-confidence too.
Ok, what’s the target group of this game, for which kind of gamer is this designed?
The Geek. It’s a geeky game, no doubt. I mean, I bought it, therefore it must be geeky, don’t you think? The Debaucher. Well, probably the apprentice debaucher. I’m not sure if Casanova would have scored using this game … The Busen-Memo Fan. You own the microbadge of Busen Memo? Go get yourself a Schlongo. The Party-Gamer. Absolutely, yes, why don’t you own it already?
And here are a few ratings: for the game play for being funny and fancy
This would result in an overall rating of which is probably too high for that game. I mean it’s simply roll the dice 3 times and try to get the longest. On the other hand, if you are a Jokes And Novelties Salesman, buy 10 Schlongo games. It sure breaks the ice at parties ...
I agree the game really lacks replay value. The idea is to play it as a drinking and/or gambling game, using the Love-Heart icons to make players drink or ante another chip. The "naughty" variants I, unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), have not yet tried.