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Subject: Bladder Shy Battle Round 1: FIGHT! rss

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Erik D
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So I'll admit that I'm a little bladder shy. It's not a bad case--as long as there's a large partition between urinals or I'm drunk, I'm fine.

My office's bathroom does not have a large partition, is deathly quiet and the 2 urinals are uncomfortably close together. Worse yet, the stall wall is only about 2 feet behind them, which means if you have to get past one person peeing, a slight amount of butt rub may occur.

Because of this, there's the unwritten rule of using a stall if someone's at a urinal.

Not today. A gentlemen entered the restroom right behind me. Though I clearly won the race to the urinals, he opted to take the one next to me anyway.

And so we stood, boys in hand, in complete silence staring straight ahead doing our best to deny the existence of the other. I knew I wouldn't get a stream going, so I'd wait him out. After about 10 seconds, it was clear he was trying to wait me out as well.

60 seconds passed, then he gave up. Despite having produced nothing, he flushed. I would've done the same. Saving face is worth wasting a gallon of water. It wasn't until after he washed his hands and left that I regained water pressure.

Victory is mine!
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Blorb Plorbst
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There's only one solution: Get drunk at work.
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Billy McBoatface
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I knew a guy in college who was bladder shy. He lived on my floor and never mentioned it until he was drunk one time, I took the urinal next to him, and he said "Awwww man, now I won't be able to pee." I'd never heard of the condition before. Maybe you should have just said the same thing when the guy got next to you?
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Rudy
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I've gotten better with stage fright over the years. Now I only have trouble if it's a tie to the urinals or if I have to fight back a fart. In those cases I usually try to out wait the other guy or go to another bathroom. There's nothing worse than playing snake charmer in complete silence.

erak wrote:
a slight amount of butt rub may occur.

This would freak me out and turn me into a statue.


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J Boyes
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Are you sure this bathroom wasn't set up as a psychological experiment?
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Blorb Plorbst
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I've found that counting backwards from 100 by odd numbers can distract you into getting things flowing.
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Joe Gola
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I'm not bladder shy, but in one of the offices where I work the two urinals are really close and there's only sort of a half-partition between them. It's basically the mathematically smallest amount of partition that is still an effective barrier between you and splashy at the next pisser. Also, there's this guy that has some kind of hip issue because he always stands with his feet really wide apart, practically on my side. Despite all this I refuse to whiz in the stall when there's someone else peeing. Am I some sort of dainty maiden who must enclose herself in her soundproof attic hiding-closet for the passing of water? No, I am not. I am a man, and I can (and will) piss anywhere.

That said, I was once making it rain there in the loincloth-modesty-grade urinal at that office and a superior takes his stand next to me, looks over, and compliments my tie. "Oh, thank you, that's very nice of you to say," I say, but of course I'm thinking are you on crack? Eyes front, you freak!

Of course ConnCon is a completely different matter; not only is discourse encouraged, but high-fives upon completion are considered good form.
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Erik D
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Gola wrote:
Of course ConnCon is a completely different matter; not only is discourse encouraged, but high-fives upon completion are considered good form.


I file that under "drunk".
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While I somewhat agree with the unwritten rules - in that it's always my preferred order to allow space, etc - if one of the two urinals is in use at work. However, when I need to go, I need to go, and I will unhesitatingly use the remaining stall. Our bathroom is too busy to successfully wait.

Sometimes, however, if both toilet stalls are not empty, I may put off vising the sit-down facilities. Our unwritten rule is that if one toilet stall is occupied, and someone comes into the other one - you had your chance, now finish up and leave.
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Avri
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Gola wrote:
Am I some sort of dainty maiden who must enclose herself in her soundproof attic hiding-closet for the passing of water? No, I am not. I am a man, and I can (and will) piss anywhere.


Yeah, this. I think I've just lost a little respect for erak. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go . . .
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Chris Tannhauser
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It's the exact opposite problem returning to civilization after a prolonged adventure in the backcountry—out there, the entire world is your toilet. When Nature calls, you simply drop trou and answer loudly and with gusto. It takes time to re-acclimate yourself to the realm of "pinkies up" and fig leaves... You'll be out on the street and the urge will strike and you'll think, like, okay, it's cool, I'll just find a public—and your body screams WHAT THE HELL?! We can poop right there, between those parked cars! Here we go! And it's like you're wrestling this horrible naughty monkey that's been out of its cage so long it's gone feral.

As for being pee-shy, I just image the guy next to me is tied to a chair, it's his face aaand I've already said too much.
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Erik D
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nycavri wrote:
Gola wrote:
Am I some sort of dainty maiden who must enclose herself in her soundproof attic hiding-closet for the passing of water? No, I am not. I am a man, and I can (and will) piss anywhere.


Yeah, this. I think I've just lost a little respect for erak. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go . . .


Harsh. That's the thanks I get for falling on that Nor'Easter for ya?
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Avri
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erak wrote:
Harsh. That's the thanks I get for falling on that Nor'Easter for ya?


Hey, I call 'em, like I see 'em. And now I'm trying to figure a way to use this information for evil, not good . . .

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Andrew W.
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Oh my monkeys... the TV was on a newscast about the outbreak of more violence in Israel, and I'm sitting here cackling like a Hyena because I was reading this thread. The mortified looks I just got...

Meanwhile, if you have to pee, read this thread on your tablet/phone at the urinal. Laughter will set you free. Nearly worked for me, and I'm not even near a restroom.
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Hammock Backpacker
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So I guess you're uncomfortable with the communal stadium pee-sink urinal?

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Erik D
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matthew.marquand wrote:
So I guess you're uncomfortable with the communal stadium pee-sink urinal?



Worst part of Wrigley Field. Wriggly indeed.
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Julius Waller
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Public service quiz from the good old ASCII no img days:

The following is the urinal configuration in a men's room. An X above the number indicates, "in use."


| 1 | 2 | x | 4 | 5 | x | (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6 are occupied.)

You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to stand. Good luck!

Easy Section

#1


| 1 | x | 3 | x | 5 | 6 | (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)

Your choice: ___

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Correct answer: 6
It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.


#2


| x | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | (Urinal 1 occupied.)

Your choice: ___

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Correct answer: 6
Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.


Tricky Section

#3

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | (empty)

Your choice: ___

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Correct answer: 1 or 6
You are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."


#4

| 1 | x | 3 | x | 5 | x | (2, 4 and 6 occupied)

Your choice: ___

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Correct answer: 1
You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium restrooms where the herd thunders in.


Subtle & Tricky, but Important to Know Section

#5


| 1 | x | 3 | 4 | x | x | (2, 5 and 6 occupied)

Your choice: ___

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Correct answer: 4
Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice to say, only we men would understand!


Very Tricky Indeed Section

#6


| x | x | 3 | 4 | x | x | (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)

Your choice: ___

Spoiler (click to reveal)
Correct answer: NONE!
You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for god's sake! ... use a door'd stall.


Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense.

NO Singing. Period.

Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again".
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Peter Dahlstrom
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I didn't have to pee when I started reading this thread...
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CrankyPants wrote:
I've found that counting backwards from 100 by odd numbers can distract you into getting things flowing.


2 times 4 is 8.

8 times 4 is 32.

32 times 4 is 128.

128 times .... aaaahhhhh...


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TrustyJules wrote:
I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself.


And that goes at any area of the bathroom, not just the urinal.

No handshaking in the bathroom. The only shaking is between you and little you.
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Have you ever seen an elderly Chinese woman whip up her dress, squat, and pee on the sidewalk? I have. In a little place we like to call America.
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kjamma4 wrote:
TrustyJules wrote:
I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself.


And that goes at any area of the bathroom, not just the urinal.

No handshaking in the bathroom. The only shaking is between you and little you.


No eye contact either, unless you're both at the sinks, then eye contact via mirror only.
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JoshBot wrote:
Have you ever seen an elderly Chinese woman whip up her dress, squat, and pee on the sidewalk? I have. In a little place we like to call America.


I saw a homeless drunk shit on a tree. Does that count?
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Rudy
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erak wrote:
JoshBot wrote:
Have you ever seen an elderly Chinese woman whip up her dress, squat, and pee on the sidewalk? I have. In a little place we like to call America.

I saw a homeless drunk shit on a tree. Does that count?

I saw a guy in a suit piss on a busy sidewalk in Manhattan just before lunchtime. I almost stepped in it, and so did the cops. I guess that's par for the course in NYC.
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nycavri wrote:
Gola wrote:
Am I some sort of dainty maiden who must enclose herself in her soundproof attic hiding-closet for the passing of water? No, I am not. I am a man, and I can (and will) piss anywhere.


Yeah, this. I think I've just lost a little respect for erak. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go . . .


Hey, if it can happen to famed adventurer and world-traveler Gerhard Reinke, it can happen to anyone

Bashful bladder @ 4:50, or follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiZmD4j7jbk&t=4m50s



(If I could choose a less Speedo-ey preview image, I would)
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