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Subject: AAR Phillippe de Valois Marriage Bureau XIII rss

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Philip Jelley
United Kingdom
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William launched an assault on Brussels, slaughtering the defenders and winning the Terry's Chocolate Orange of Victory. Bouyed by his success Protestants converted Rouen (with unrest), Amiens, Clermont, Calais, Rheims, Dijon and Brest. At Pressburg the Jasinary Colonels gathered at the command tent, but where was the Grand Visier to order the assault? "I'm not coming out" squeaked a hidden voice "I've seen those bloody posters, those lederhosen-wearing devils have it in for me, just because I declare war on their lousy country and drag their women to my personal harem-ette." The Colonels assured the Visier that with 11,000 fanatical Jasinaries surrounding him he would be perfectly safe. "No they won't, once they are busy doing dering-do I will be left here alone". cry In the end they got tired and took Pressburg anyway, then dragged the tent and its quivering contents to Vienna. Convinced that the Emperor would hire Italian assassins the Visier sent gold to the Doge of Venice to ensure his neutrality.

No sooner was Vienna besieged than a plague broke out, even the Ruler Fell Ill as the Emperor Maximilian struck down by Spanish Flu, then an English agent incited a Army Mutiny to empty the capital and cause unrest in Vienna and Graz. France paid no heed to such events as after 20 years of war peace was declared with England. Unrest disappeared from Rouen, Paris, Orleans, Nantes and Toulouse. Morris Dancers and Onion Sellers danced gaily through the streets and I sent the Royal Family on a Grand Tour of the kingdom. Nevertheless 1,000 fresh troops were raised in Paris and sent with 2,000 others under General Jacques de Fault to protect Rouen. The Protestants were also unconcerned with German affairs, converting Lyons (with unrest), Caen and Rennes and restoring order to Antwerp.

The stricken Emperor could only plead for assistance, sending an ambassador to Rome and a secret messege to the Grand Visier "Ottoman, I understand that Vienna will fall to you. However, know that if Mehmed ventures further in, he will be the target of German assassins. Do the honorable thing and retreat back to your homeland. You have already bested me in combat, if you wish to drive me into the ground, I will try to take you with me." Unmoved the Jasinaries stormed the empty city of Vienna and captured Shwendli. Their command tent tried to slink back to Istanbul before they heaved the protesting baggage on to Prague. whistle

The Empire now in joint last place and the Protestants at the head of the new Great Power League Table. Spain preached Catholicism in England causing unrest in London as the reactionary movement gained sway, with further success in Bristol and Carlisle. Having preached the Good Book in England he burnt heretics in Antwerp, 's-Hertogenbosch, Brielle and Rotterdam and raised 1,000 mercenaries in Seville. England also took her dainty foot off the Emperor's neck and sent Francis Drake to circumnavigate the world, sailing to the south Atlantic, Chilean coast, Mexican Coast and into the South Pacific, where his men got homesick for their Queen...

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