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Subject: Things I must remember as a Dog. rss

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Bruce McElroy
United States
Beverly
West Virginia
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The Garbage man is not stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand up when lying under the cooffe table.

I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the House.

I will not eat the cats food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will stop tring to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when i'n about to get sick.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll in dead sea guls,fish,craps,ectjust because i like how they smell.

"Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.

I will not eat Kleenex, napkins or plastic wrap and then redeposit them on the front lawn.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especial not the red ones, or my people will think i am hemorrhaging.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time i hear one on TV.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window down when its raining.

I will not steal my Moms underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neather are Mom and Dads laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license.

I will not plat tug-of-war with dad's underware when he's on the toilet.

I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage and therefore avoid having string hanging out of my butt.

I will not use "Roll around in the dirt." as an option after just getting a bath.

Sticking my nose into someones crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

I will not hump on any persons leg just because i thought it was the right thing to do.

I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to thier head.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my Butt across the carpit.

The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because its Blue does not mean it is cleaner.

I will not sit in bthe middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

I will not leave my bone where Dad will step on it in the middle of the night when he goes to the bathroom.

and my favorit

The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
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