The Garbage man is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand up when lying under the cooffe table.
I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the House.
I will not eat the cats food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop tring to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when i'n about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll in dead sea guls,fish,craps,ectjust because i like how they smell.
"Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.
I will not eat Kleenex, napkins or plastic wrap and then redeposit them on the front lawn.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especial not the red ones, or my people will think i am hemorrhaging.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time i hear one on TV.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window down when its raining.
I will not steal my Moms underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neather are Mom and Dads laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license.
I will not plat tug-of-war with dad's underware when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage and therefore avoid having string hanging out of my butt.
I will not use "Roll around in the dirt." as an option after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someones crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any persons leg just because i thought it was the right thing to do.
I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to thier head.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my Butt across the carpit.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because its Blue does not mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in bthe middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
I will not leave my bone where Dad will step on it in the middle of the night when he goes to the bathroom.
and my favorit
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.