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Subject: My tribute to Professor Valerie Staton rss

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The Steak Fairy
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Oh sure, we all know her as statonv, or even her more human name of Val Putman, but this is not about HER. This is about the woman about whom the faculty listing at the Ohio Dominican website has this to say:

Valerie Staton, Assistant Professor of Psychology, specializes in the study of social animal behavior. Her early training was in primate behavior with Douglas Candland at Bucknell University and with Dorothy Fragaszy and Irwin Bernstein at the University of Georgia. Her most recent research focuses on the social behavior of pets. She has led student research on the behavior of dogs in rescue shelters and her own research focuses on ferret behavior. She is a member of the American Veterinary Society for Animal Behavior and the Animal Behavior Society. As a graduate student at the University of Georgia, Professor Staton earned the Outstanding Graduate Teaching Award in 2000 and was a TA Mentor for the 2000-2001 school year.

Now I'd like you to go read the professor's most recent column at boardgamenews.com. I'll give you a few minutes.....

Okay, so now that you've read it, how do we rectify Prof. Staton's bottomless knowledge of pet behavior with her apparent inability to coax a reasonably harmless marsupial out of her garage? Are we to believe that the many ferrets who (so far as I recall) dwell at her house were not up to the task of bullying the nocturnal interloper off of the premises?

The answer is that we do not have to rectify these seeming contradictions--we merely have to applaud Valerie for sticking to her guns and refusing to have anything to do with animals outside of her area of professional expertise. Clearly this intruder was neither a primate nor a ferret nor (presumably) a pet, and Professor Staton demonstrated remarkable academic integrity by leaving it entirely to its own devices. As is almost always the case, however, when one demonstrates remarkable academic integrity a brick is thrown through one's window. Proof once again that a lack of academic integrity is probably the way to go.
 
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Robert Wesley
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[size=11]Does this 'mean' that we have to concoct "odes" or "poems" or "limericks" or "songs" in this case? Just let us know so we can get to "DIS-composing" and the like!
cool
 
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Melissa
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snerk.

Sometimes all our professional skills come to nothing.

Although there's something scarily stalker-like about your post, Mr Cranky.
 
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Tom "Snicker Daddy" Pancoast
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So, you're saying she's like a divorced marriage counselor? Well, after learning that, I know I'm not taking my ferrets to *her* next time they need emotional counseling! (If I ever get any ferrets)
 
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Kevin Gonzalez
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tpancoast wrote:
Well, after learning that, I know I'm not taking my ferrets to *her* next time they need emotional counseling! (If I ever get any ferrets)


That would probably be wise. Valerie studied ferret aggression by staging "ferret battles". Not the sort of "feel-good" counseling most ferrets need.
 
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The Steak Fairy
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melissa wrote:
snerk.

Sometimes all our professional skills come to nothing.

Although there's something scarily stalker-like about your post, Mr Cranky.


Yes, I suppose anybody who has anything to say about somebody that he or she used to game with regularly is eerily stalker-like. Just one of the drawbacks of paying tribute I guess!! Really eery would be if I posted something like this about you, a person I don't know, have never met, wouldn't recognize on the street, and of whose existence I'm not altogether convinced. Say for example, if I mentioned that I paid that lady 1.5 pounds at Heathrow that time to tell you how lovely it was that your baby was quiet on the flight, and then later I followed her in a taxi and beat her to a pulp.
 
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Flannel Golem
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Yes, I felt that eerie, stalker-like quality too when I first read your post! But I suppose I didn't respond to it then because I tend to lurk more in general, and because I've become acclimated to Cranky's acerbic but generally mostly-harmless nature through his past (and enjoyable!) posts. Still, it might have been kinder to include that caveat in your original post, Crank. Of course, slapping down the inevitable self-righteous criticizers that would fatally come rushing to Val's aid is good fun in itself (no criticism intended to you, Melissa: it's different coming from an obviously-concerned female!), but now you come off as someone who just beat up a girl, Crank! soblue Not such a good impression for someone whose contributions I enjoy so much!

Keep up the Crankiness©, Josh! thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup
 
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The Steak Fairy
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Well I've certainly been accused of being a stalker before, it's nothing new for me! Francois, you cleverly surmised that my true purpose with this thread was to bait people who might come rushing to Val's defense. Of course, my super-secret ulterior motive was to promote Val's column at www.boardgamenews.com (although there's probably very little need to do so, since if I know about a thing the odds are pretty strong that everybody else at BGG does too.) Of course, the Illuminati secret goal beneath my super-secret ulterior motive was to tease Val, but who knows how she'll take it? You can never tell with these people who scream when harmless bricks come crashing through their windows. Fortunately for my reputation as a 'net-only stalker, I have witnesses that I was not anywhere near her house that day! I think I have figured out who did it, though. It was most likely Michael Weston. I base this hypothesis on my past Manchurian Candidate-like experiences with the man. He once brainwashed me into believing that I owned Die Sieben Siegel, so I am pretty sure he's quite sinister. Anyway, this thread has been a hoot, but I really must get back to the Animal Crossing thread, where things are always popping.
 
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The Steak Fairy
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GROGnads wrote:
[size=11]Does this 'mean' that we have to concoct "odes" or "poems" or "limericks" or "songs" in this case? Just let us know so we can get to "DIS-composing" and the like!
cool


Oh Groggy, I forgot to answer you: No, it means only that you need to do so. I don't imagine anybody else's efforts in that regard would prove worthwhile.
 
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Melissa
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MisterCranky wrote:
Really eery would be if I posted something like this about you, a person I don't know, have never met, wouldn't recognize on the street, and of whose existence I'm not altogether convinced. Say for example, if I mentioned that I paid that lady 1.5 pounds at Heathrow that time to tell you how lovely it was that your baby was quiet on the flight, and then later I followed her in a taxi and beat her to a pulp.


Now that's very good

I'm impressed.
 
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Valerie Putman
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Sorry to be a late comer to my own party (or is that the way it's supposed to be?)...I was out of town this weekend celebrating a belated x-mas with my hubby's family.

1) Cranky, you darling, loveable, pain in my ass. I don't mention the school where I teach and I try to avoid my academic name in my hobby posts on purpose. Students like to google their professors and find embarassing dirt on them. I'm not saying I'm embarassed to be friends with ya'll, but....

2) I would be thrilled if Cranky would actually turn stalker and get on a freakin plane and show up on my door step. We miss him terribly here in Columbus.

3) Come read my weekly column. You know you want to.

4) That possum was freakin scary!!! It took 6 police officers (who seemed much more entertained by the possum than the broken window) to get him to come out of the garage. I was trying to observe his natural behavior and allow him to exit the garage when he was ready. If the cops hadn't shooed him off I was going to start experimenting on him.... Possum maze anyone? Or a possum sized Skinner box?
 
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Eric "Shippy McShipperson" Mowrer
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As a former resident of Kentucky and Indiana, I know the only good way to stop a possum in his tracks is to run him over with a car. Next time this situation arises, you should try entering and exiting your garage at high speeds and from different angles with your car.
 
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Roger Boykin
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Possums are crazy.

Years ago, I was flying down an East Texas country road in my RX7 when I encountered a possum in the middle of the road.

After locking up the tires and skidding to a stop (barely managing not to flatten said marsupial), I put the car in reverse and backed up so I could see the rascal.

It just sat there for a moment...non-plused. Then it hissed at me and slowly waddled off the road.

Was it frightened by the potential damage that could have been inflicted upon its little body by the inertia of several thousand pounds of sports car travelling at 70+ MPH? Not in the least!

Any other critter would see something that big, that fast and that loud as a dire threat.

Not that possum. It just KNEW it was the baddest thing in Texas.

How these things avoided extinction is beyond me.

Don't you feel bad, Valerie! Nobody can reason with possums!

 
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Paul Sauberer
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I saw some professor on Animal Planet this weekend. Her specialty was deer and trying to see things as they see them.

The only thing I could think of was "What do headlights look like to them?"
 
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Laura Meyer
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Possums will eat all the cat food.

Cat's will starve before they take on the possum. That says something about possums. I have more than enough cats that you would think they could come up with SOME sort of plan to take him out! Alas- I pay $20.00 a week to feed this guy and his 2 siblings....




...as you can see, he seems quite disturbed by the fact that I am 2 feet away from him on the other side of the sliding glass window and the camera is flashing at him. God help me if one of these guys ever gets into the house.

Val, I feel your pain.
 
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Psauberer wrote:
The only thing I could think of was "What do headlights look like to them?"

Two chances to give up this mortal coil?
 
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The Steak Fairy
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Shortly after my parents moved to Coos Bay, Oregon, they noticed that they had lots of nighttime visits from raccoons and possums, so they started doing what every single authority in the world seems to advise against--they started feeding them. Their small fixed income became largely consumed by ever-increasing dog kibble costs, and eventually they had to take out third, fourth, and finally a fifth backbreaking mortgage on their home. When their frozen bodies were discovered one winter, huddled next to an unpowered space heater and wrapped in an Amvets-supplied Pink Power Ranger quilt, they had no food or drink of their own in the house. Just a few stray chunks of kibble leading toward the sliding glass door to their deck.
 
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Peter Stein
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Boy, the things you learn on the Internet.

 
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Jamie Mack
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OMG! This whole post is hilarious, I love you people!!

Jamie
 
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Gary Christiansen
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Quote:
2) I would be thrilled if Cranky would actually turn stalker and get on a freakin plane and show up on my door step. We miss him terribly here in Columbus.


What Val said, you overstuffed excuse for a grumpy lump of dice throwing trouble. Get yer ass home where you belong once in a while so we can show our affection and annoy the hell out of you in better ways than poking fun at you on this stupid internet thing.

Oh yeah... And if you give Val any trouble, I may have to sic the kids on you.
 
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The Steak Fairy
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WatchmanX2000 wrote:


Oh yeah... And if you give Val any trouble, I may have to sic the kids on you.


Hey, as long as the recorder-blowing girl doesn't blow it into my ear, I'm there.
 
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Robert Wesley
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zombie okay here goes:
[i]"S-T-A-T-O-N-V"!
"S-T-A-T-O-N-V"!

"Valerie Putman was a 'MAN' baby!"
"err, uh-h-h SHE was a 'Dragon-lady'!"
"um-m-m-m, SHE's a 'Pet Behavioural Socialist' of the worst kinds!"
"SHE tries to 'get' within their troubled little 'minds'!"
"her 'specialty' includes arboreal dogs and the occasional ferret"
"while as for pesky 'opossums', then there's NO 'merit'!"
"when they're IN her 'G-A-R-A-G-E-S'!"
"her suburban 'G-A-R-A-G-E-S'!"
"DISCERN-i-NATIN` all the little animals"
"DISCERN-i-NATIN` no matter if it's possible"
"and the "S-T-A-T-O-N-V" 'goes about' during the DAY!"
thumbsupmeeple
 
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The Steak Fairy
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It's actually delightful to see some creative expression in this thread. Really, the whole thing has been dormant for an inexplicably long period. I mean, Val's husband Tyler can actually be seen playing games with Alan Moon! Who'd have thought this possible? When did the internet get photographic reproductive technology???
 
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Brad Miller
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Oh yes, Valerie's very nice and friendly, (Cranky, you should hear how she describes you you ol' teddy bear you...), until you ask her about "ferret-legging". Oh my was that ever a mistake...blush
 
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