Recommend
1 
 Thumb up
 Hide
8 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Gaming Related » General Gaming

Subject: Marital dischord, reconciliation and gaming rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Ms. Shug
United States
Round Rock
TX
flag msg tools
badge
Got my eye on you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I'm having a bit of a tiff with my husband right now and I'm not going to air any dirty laundry but it got me to wondering, for those of you whose primary gaming partner is your spouse, do you ever find yourself sucking up irritation with your spouse for the sake of game play? I would love to indulge an immature impulse and stay mad at my spouse for long enough to make a good solid point but I hate that it means taking a hit in our game time. I can never do it, so in that sense I suppose board games help me to get to the reconcile stage more quickly, but not sure it's all it's cracked up to be. Not seeking marriage counseling here. I was just mildly amused by my predicament and wondered how common it is.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Alison Mandible
United States
Cambridge
Massachusetts
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
I live by myself, but have often played board games with people I'm involved with, and I find that it can actually be *part* of reconciling-- it lets us spend time together having fun (hopefully) without it mattering what either of us thinks about some recent disagreement.

That's assuming that neither of us is specifically upset about some tendency that's on display when the other one games. Being annoyed at someone's bossiness means probably not playing a game where they know the rules better than me and will need to correct my mistakes. But a well-chosen game is great.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Seriously, turn off Facebook. You'll be happier.
United States
Riva
Maryland
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmb
quirogal wrote:
I would love to indulge an immature impulse and stay mad at my spouse for long enough to make a good solid point but I hate that it means taking a hit in our game time.


    Decisions decisions.

    As your marriage gets older your husband won't be as concerned about a long-mad to make a solid point. At some point he'll discover it actually brings him freedom for a period of time, so don't overuse it.

    The only alternative option to making up is to start playing wargames. You really don't need to be on speaking terms with him for wargames. When you pound the crap out of one of his positions with lucky dice you can get up in his face and yell, "Ha! That's what happens to LOSERS that don't do their share of the laundry! That's the armored overrun of TRUTH talkin' right there!"

             S.


4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Jennifer Derrick
United States
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
As long as the tiff isn't over huge, marriage or life altering stuff, we come to the game table sooner rather than later. Since we don't watch much TV and most of our entertainment is joint stuff like gaming or playing on the Wii, there's not much choice. And it does help us to put it past us faster. There's not much sulking. And we've been known to talk out whatever's bugging us between turns. Having the game there as a buffer almost makes the conversation less intense and bearable.

However, there have been two times when the fight was about major, huge issues. Both of those times we laid off of games for quite a while. It took us quite a few days to get to where we could even speak to each other and then it was only necessary stuff. It took quite a few weeks after that before we came back to the game table. And even then, playing did make it a bit better because it helped us to reestablish a little intimacy and communication in a non-threatening, non-accusatory way.

I guess I don't see withholding gaming as ammunition against my spouse, just sometimes the casualty of a fight. I don't use it to make a point; I can do that in other ways.

FWIW, I'm a veteran of 20 years of marriage and I guess we're pretty constructive fighters, all in all.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Bryan Thunkd
United States
Florence
MA
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
quirogal wrote:
I would love to indulge an immature impulse and stay mad at my spouse for long enough to make a good solid point but I hate that it means taking a hit in our game time.

Staying mad at him to make a point has other negative effects as well, that strain your relationship and promote anger and unhappiness in your marriage. So while they might not be as obvious to you as the disruption of your gaming, they probably are even more important. So the next time you forgo being mad at him to save your gaming, keep in mind that you are saving some sanity and happiness in your marriage as well.
5 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Ms. Shug
United States
Round Rock
TX
flag msg tools
badge
Got my eye on you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Thunkd wrote:
quirogal wrote:
I would love to indulge an immature impulse and stay mad at my spouse for long enough to make a good solid point but I hate that it means taking a hit in our game time.

Staying mad at him to make a point has other negative effects as well, that strain your relationship and promote anger and unhappiness in your marriage. So while they might not be as obvious to you as the disruption of your gaming, they probably are even more important. So the next time you forgo being mad at him to save your gaming, keep in mind that you are saving some sanity and happiness in your marriage as well.


Yes, this is absolutely true and I think in my non-perturbed state-of-mind, I'm grateful that board games appear to serve as a catalyst towards resolving dischord. But for me, being angry is something I need to fully experience and allow to run it's course, get it out of my system. If it's not fully purged then resentment builds up. I'm not any good at the "silent treatment", but I sometimes feel like I am not allowing myself to fully vent, instead brushing it aside in favor of maintaining consistent game play. I could never with hold game play. The idea is shocking to me! shake laugh I don't think it would ever occur to my husband. I guess I the whole it's probably better to move past anger. Anyway, it's all a moot point. Hubby already apologized so...
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Ms. Shug
United States
Round Rock
TX
flag msg tools
badge
Got my eye on you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Sagrilarus wrote:
quirogal wrote:
I would love to indulge an immature impulse and stay mad at my spouse for long enough to make a good solid point but I hate that it means taking a hit in our game time.


    Decisions decisions.

    As your marriage gets older your husband won't be as concerned about a long-mad to make a solid point. At some point he'll discover it actually brings him freedom for a period of time, so don't overuse it.

    The only alternative option to making up is to start playing wargames. You really don't need to be on speaking terms with him for wargames. When you pound the crap out of one of his positions with lucky dice you can get up in his face and yell, "Ha! That's what happens to LOSERS that don't do their share of the laundry! That's the armored overrun of TRUTH talkin' right there!"

             S.




laugh this reminds me that I am making a false choice. Being angry at my husband does not equal NO game play, it equals cutthroat COMBATIVE game play. YES!! Even when I'm not angry at him it's SO therapeutic!! Thank you for reminding me that I can clobber him without hurting a hair on his head laugh.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Ms. Shug
United States
Round Rock
TX
flag msg tools
badge
Got my eye on you!
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
grasa_total wrote:
I live by myself, but have often played board games with people I'm involved with, and I find that it can actually be *part* of reconciling-- it lets us spend time together having fun (hopefully) without it mattering what either of us thinks about some recent disagreement.

That's assuming that neither of us is specifically upset about some tendency that's on display when the other one games. Being annoyed at someone's bossiness means probably not playing a game where they know the rules better than me and will need to correct my mistakes. But a well-chosen game is great.


Good point. Fortunately, no, my husband's transgressions are not apparent during game play. I do get frustrated with his AP tendencies though , but that is a good opportunity for me to develop patience. .
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.