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Subject: Kickstart Ready? rss

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Erik Rinne
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Would you Kickstart this? What would you change?
http://tinyurl.com/bsh9jk7
All feedback, pro or con, is welcome!

P.S. Does the link work?

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Brian Bailey
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Erik Rinne wrote:


P.S. Does the link work?



Nope
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Erik Rinne
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Thanks, Brian! I'm not sure why the link is not working.
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Val Teixeira
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Erik Rinne wrote:
Thanks, Brian! I'm not sure why the link is not working.


Is the project already submitted? If not, then you're probably the only one who can view it (unless other people log in as you). If you provide the name of the project, we could try search for it.
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Gene Moore
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Maybe, instead of trying to show us the actual KS project, you could copy the text and images here. Is there something specific to KS that we need to see?
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Erik Rinne
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Thx, Val!

Kickstarter has approved it for launch, but I haven't launched it yet. Kickstarter calls the link the "Preview Link". I emailed the link to myself and it works fine. Not sure why it's not working here. The project is called "Out of Sight Football".
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James Boyd
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Erik Rinne wrote:


The project is called "Out of Sight Football".


It's definitely living up to its name.
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Erik Rinne
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Just curious. What is everyone seeing when they hit the link?

Thx!
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Gene Moore
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Erik Rinne wrote:
Just curious. What is everyone seeing when they hit the link?

Thx!

Kickstarter's 404 page, just like before...
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Erik Rinne
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Thanks yet again, Gene!

In the meantime here's the link to my website http://outofsightfootball.com/ It's pretty similar to the Kickstarter post.

I appreciate everyone's comments!
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Val Teixeira
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Erik Rinne wrote:
Thx, Val!

Kickstarter has approved it for launch, but I haven't launched it yet. Kickstarter calls the link the "Preview Link". I emailed the link to myself and it works fine. Not sure why it's not working here. The project is called "Out of Sight Football".


No probs. As you correctly point out - it is a preview link - I.e. you get to see it *before* others do when you launch it - it is tied to your account. See if you can see the page if you are logged out of KS. I'm afraid you'll have to launch it for others to see it, or cut and paste the important bits for us to see (i.e. anything that you're unsure about).

As a side note - I see you are also in Dallas, TX - any chance you're going to the DGM this weekend? I'm not a big sports fan (and even less so of American Football), but I'd still be willing to play test should I get the chance/time and we'd could talk about your KS campaign too. If you're not familiar with it, my geeklist How to change a Kickstarter from a Fail to a Win may have some helpful suggestions for you.

Best of luck.
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J. K.
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Erik -

While I think the game looks interesting, I don't think your KS pitch is quite ready.

Many Kickstarters live and die by their video - and yours needs a little more attention:

First and foremost - SHOW THE GAME in action. Show how it plays, show some people playing - I don't get any sense of excitement from the static picture of a drawn line.

Additionally - while I like the idea of your "TV-style presentation", I think it needs a little more work - don't say "jet style fly by" or whatever in a text overlay - convince me that it's a flyover by giving the narration like they would on TV, "It's a beautiful day here at Outtasite Field, and it looks like it's going to be a great matchup between..."

From a video / film creator's perspective, you need a little more audio polish, too - listen to your "postgame Q&A" segment as well as watch it. Does it convince YOU?

Finally - I don't know about everyone else, but I can't stand the quotes you've put around 'Sight'. That might just be me, but if not, you might want to consider changing it.

Best of luck!
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Tom Razo
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Your link may need to be posted as a shortened URL. There have been others that mentioned a problem with preview links because of a ? in the KS link.

Try google or tiny URL shortners.



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Paul DeStefano
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The vocals during the video are muddy. I really couldn't hear a lot and wasn't going to turn my speakers way up for fear that some loud sound would come through.
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Erik Rinne
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Thanks, J.K.!

Great suggestions! Exactly what I am seeking!

The quotes' only purpose is to hint at the blind play aspect. Following your comment, I may keep them on headings but delete them from texts.

Erik



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Erik Rinne
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Thanks to Tom Razo, I think this link works. Fingers crossed!

http://tinyurl.com/bsh9jk7
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Gene Moore
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Erik Rinne wrote:
Thanks to Tom Razo, I think this link works. Fingers crossed!

http://tinyurl.com/bsh9jk7

Yep, it works.

Question: Do you actually have a registered trademark for that name? If not, I don't think you're allowed to use that symbol.
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Erik Rinne
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Thanks, Gene!

I registered the trademark years ago, as this game has been through many iterations. From what I've read about trademark law I think I'm good. If not, I'll use "TM".

Erik
 
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Michael Nguyen
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Erik Rinne wrote:
Would you Kickstart this? What would you change?
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/outofsightfootball/11311...
All feedback, pro or con, is welcome!

P.S. Does the link work?



Erik,

Try disabling the preview link and then re-enabling the preview link.
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Christian Strain
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I think the video needs the biggest work. The audio is hard to hear, especially over the loud music. I'd also suggest showing how to play instead of just having an audio. Think about how most video game reviews work.

Finally, if you're looking to market to people who don't know a lot about American Football, I'd talk about what certain terms mean pertaining tot he game. When we ran our Kickstarter, 20% of them were international. I'd suggest that you describe how to play the game as if the person knows nothing about American Football from the beginning. Be careful not to do it in a slow way that would alienate those who already knwo the terms though.
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Erik Rinne
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Many thanks for all your ideas! I'm super grateful! Accordingly, I have made some major changes to the 2nd half of the video.

http://tinyurl.com/bsh9jk7

 
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John "Omega" Williams
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Did you try using the "URL" button to bracket the url?

Past in the URL, then select it as you would a copy/paste and then tap the URL button.
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Brook Gentlestream
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"A revolutionary American Football board game with fold-out stadium... Plus gameboard overlays for Basketball, Soccer, Ice Hockey!"

You have one chance here to really grab someone's interest and this gives almost no information. For one thing, it's contradictory -- at first, you want to grab me because its about something I'm familiar with, but at the same time you tell me it's innovative and revolutionary and I've never played anything like it. If I really like Football (I don't, but if I did), I don't think I'd be in a very receptive mood seeing that you want to "revolutionize" a fine game.


BUT... a little further down, is this prize:


"With an erasable Pen and your EYES CLOSED, how well can you Zig-Zag thru Tacklers… Pass to Receivers… or execute kicking plays? That’s the CHALLENGE of Out of 'Sight' Football !

But beware your opponent’s hidden Linebackers … They can Stuff Runs, Intercept Passes, Cause Fumbles, or Blitz when you least expect it !!"


In my opinion, this is much more engaging, explains why your game is unique, and gives just enough of a tease to give interested browsers questions to continue reading.

In fact, I would just do away with everything above these paragraphs or move all that stuff somewhere father down because I think this is your real attention grabber right here.
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Erik Rinne
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Omega2064 wrote:
Did you try using the "URL" button to bracket the url?

Past in the URL, then select it as you would a copy/paste and then tap the URL button.


Thanks, John!
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Erik Rinne
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lordrahvin wrote:
"A revolutionary American Football board game with fold-out stadium... Plus gameboard overlays for Basketball, Soccer, Ice Hockey!"

You have one chance here to really grab someone's interest and this gives almost no information. For one thing, it's contradictory -- at first, you want to grab me because its about something I'm familiar with, but at the same time you tell me it's innovative and revolutionary and I've never played anything like it. If I really like Football (I don't, but if I did), I don't think I'd be in a very receptive mood seeing that you want to "revolutionize" a fine game.


BUT... a little further down, is this prize:


"With an erasable Pen and your EYES CLOSED, how well can you Zig-Zag thru Tacklers… Pass to Receivers… or execute kicking plays? That’s the CHALLENGE of Out of 'Sight' Football !

But beware your opponent’s hidden Linebackers … They can Stuff Runs, Intercept Passes, Cause Fumbles, or Blitz when you least expect it !!"


In my opinion, this is much more engaging, explains why your game is unique, and gives just enough of a tease to give interested browsers questions to continue reading.

In fact, I would just do away with everything above these paragraphs or move all that stuff somewhere father down because I think this is your real attention grabber right here.


Thanks, Brook!

I have now applied your outstanding suggestions! Kudos!!!

http://tinyurl.com/bsh9jk7

Erik
 
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