Thumb up
5 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Everything Else » Beatnik Coffee Haus

Subject: Dear Dogs and Cats rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Bruce McElroy
United States
West Virginia
flag msg tools

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours
and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note,
placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim on it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR
and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because
I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end
to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time,
there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow,
or get your paw under the edge and
try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years;
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me,
THEN smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted
the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who

Visit and Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids -- they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college

And if they get pregnant, you can sell the children

 Thumb up
  • [+] Dice rolls
The amazing & fabulous
flag msg tools
I just shot coke out of my nose. that is bloody hilarious!
 Thumb up
  • [+] Dice rolls
Valerie van de Flier
flag msg tools
Must... stop... laughing...

Before boss comes in to ask what the fuss is about and cathes me on here...

Must send this on to ALL pet loving friends!
 Thumb up
  • [+] Dice rolls
flag msg tools
I've been offline from BGG for the last couple of weeks, but I'll be back very soon!
I'm that weirdo that keeps track of how many badges Kaffedrake has sold prior to yesterday
shebby wrote:
I just shot coke out of my nose. that is bloody hilarious!

Not only bloody hilarious but also true
 Thumb up
  • [+] Dice rolls
Carol V.
flag msg tools
Very Good, there are lots more like this on a website I found, but I can't remember whether I'm allowed to post the link or not so I will just say that for now rofl
 Thumb up
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.