Blorb Plorbst
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Bloomington
Indiana
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If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

http://www.nerdist.com/2013/04/alison-haislip-reads-the-dera...
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The neutral evil villain known as
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The video is awesome.
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Hammock Backpacker
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Columbus
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Trace
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This really needs to come with some cultural context. I dont get it. Ugh.
and as it should really be in RSP and it is already what was the point of posting it here?

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Billy McBoatface
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Lexington
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But you know, the author has a point. If, instead of talking to each other, the sisters would just all blow the sig nu brothers, everything would have been cool. That's all it takes to make a fun get together, and would it be so hard?

Oh yeah, and cheer for the right team. That's important too.
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いい竹やぶだ!

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What's "post gaming"?
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robigo wrote:
What's "post gaming"?

I believe it refers to undergraduate debauchery following college football games. i.e. post (football) game party.
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George Kinney
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Hmm...I think I worked for her father in a previous life. Of course he was only that eloquent after a six martini lunch...shake
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M C
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Fraternities and sororities are single sex organizations (male and female respectively) at American colleges. They serve mainly as social organizations but all do some form of charity work/fund raiser to help justify their existence. There are some times during the year, such as the homecoming football game, where there are various activities in which all the fraternities and sororities work together and serve as a mutual admiration society to each other.

"after game" or "after party" is doing something after the official part of the event/party is over.

For additional information, see the movie Animal House or Revenge of the Nerds.
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Luke Morris
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Faversham
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I don't understand it......and I don't really care that I don't understand it. The whole situation sounds tasteless and rather vulgar.
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This is why I can't stand fraternities/sororities*. They're breeding ground for drama, country club attitude, and STDs.

~Euen

*Or at least the ones I've had to deal with...
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Trace
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...and to think her folks sold all their board games to send her across the country to university...

oh so proud
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Ken
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Portland
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braveheart101 wrote:
This is why I can't stand fraternities/sororities*. They're breeding ground for drama, country club attitude, and STDs.

~Euen

*Or at least the ones I've had to deal with...


Good to add that last part and not make broad generalizations beyond your own experience. Because I the first part of your comment sounds awfully judgmental.

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artfuldodge2 wrote:
braveheart101 wrote:
This is why I can't stand fraternities/sororities*. They're breeding ground for drama, country club attitude, and STDs.

~Euen

*Or at least the ones I've had to deal with...


Good to add that last part and not make broad generalizations beyond your own experience. Because I the first part of your comment sounds awfully judgmental.



I've met some very decent frats/sorority girls, but my overwhelming experience with them has been negative, so I may have sounded judgmental...Still I've only had to deal with the ones where I live (and there are a ton out here), so maybe Greek Societies are different in the rest of the US?

~Euen
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Exit 191
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Wow, I have gone to five different colleges and have never had this experience. I guess I need to get more engrained in the culture at Arizona State, I am sure they have this type of debauchery.

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Ed Holzman
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Seffner
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As grey traces of dawn tinge the eastern sky, the three travellers, men of Willowdale, emerge from the forest's shadow. Fording the river, they turn south, journeying into the dark and forbidding lands of The Necromancer...
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Back in the old college days, I was a proud member of Gamma Delta Iota.
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Jason Sadler
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Olney
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Bearcat89 wrote:
Back in the old college days, I was a proud member of Gamma Delta Iota.


All hail the GDI!
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unit ready,unit ready, unit ready


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I'm free-basing midichloriens and the force is, like, an energy that connects and penetrates us all, man.
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....so my office is in the back of a vegetarian restaurant on campus (I share it with the restaurant staff), and outside the door this conversation is going on (in the seating area):

"...yeah! I read that too!"

"I know, right, I mean, like it's funny, but, like you can tell she's, like smart, you know?"

"I know! And I was, like, reeeeeading it, and like, it's fuuuunny, but like, I was like: she gets me!"

"I know, right?!"


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Blorb Plorbst
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Bloomington
Indiana
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Maybe living in a college town that has a huge greek system makes this especially entertaining.

Especially since the Little 500 just took place. Whose success if often measured in the number of Drunk in Public arrests that take place:

Quote:
Officers with Indiana State Excise Police said they arrested 235 people on 285 charges during Indiana University’s Little 500 events in Bloomington over the weekend. The majority of tickets were for alcohol offenses, particularly illegal possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages.


235! A New Record!

also:

Quote:
Only one person was taken to IU Health Bloomington Hospital for a medical evaluation for a high BAC.

Police said he opened the door of an unmarked police SUV that was stopped at a traffic light and got in the backseat because he said he thought it was a taxi cab. He tested .29 percent BAC.


Winner!
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Key Locks
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Indianapolis
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CrankyPants wrote:
Maybe living in a college town that has a huge greek system makes this especially entertaining.

Especially since the Little 500 just took place. Whose success if often measured in the number of Drunk in Public arrests that take place:

Quote:
Officers with Indiana State Excise Police said they arrested 235 people on 285 charges during Indiana University’s Little 500 events in Bloomington over the weekend. The majority of tickets were for alcohol offenses, particularly illegal possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages.


235! A New Record!

also:

Quote:
Only one person was taken to IU Health Bloomington Hospital for a medical evaluation for a high BAC.

Police said he opened the door of an unmarked police SUV that was stopped at a traffic light and got in the backseat because he said he thought it was a taxi cab. He tested .29 percent BAC.


Winner!

Indiana, our Indiana, Indiana we're all for you!
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Bartosz Trzaskowski

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Quote:
Only one person was taken to IU Health Bloomington Hospital for a medical evaluation for a high BAC.

Police said he opened the door of an unmarked police SUV that was stopped at a traffic light and got in the backseat because he said he thought it was a taxi cab. He tested .29 percent BAC.


As usual, most of the world uses a different measure of being drunk - luckily the math is simple, 1 permille (as we call it) is just 0.1 percent BAC.

The Polish record for drunkness (among those who survived) is a farmer with the measured alcohol concentration of 12.3 permille (= 1.23 percent BAC). In most cases a concentration of 4-5 permille (.4 - .5 percent BAC) is lethal, but as you can see everything can be trained.

Drinking half a liter of vodka (40% or 80 proof) is usually equal to 2 permille = .2 percent BAC.
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