Recommend
2 
 Thumb up
 Hide
15 Posts

BoardGameGeek» Forums » Board Game Design » Board Game Design

Subject: Please rate my Pozible campaign rss

Your Tags: Add tags
Popular Tags: [View All]
Terence Jones
Australia
flag msg tools
Hi my name is Terence
I am a first time game designer but a long time lurker of BGG
I've got a game on pozible (like kickstarter but for australia)called
'Here Be Dragons!' and its a co-op-ish card game were you hunt a dragon.
and i was wondering if people would be willing to look over my campaign that is a week into its run. and give me some feedback on what they think of my presentation and rewards etc.
http://www.pozible.com/project/14885
I would really appreciate the help so that i can improve on my campaign either this time around or in the future.
Thankyou for your time
Terence (The Armoured Penguin)
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
John "Omega" Williams
United States
Kentwood
Michigan
flag msg tools
designer
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Welcome to the BGG.

It helps to announce the game and then do your KS-like campaign, rather then the other way around. But since you are in allready try describing the game, gameplay, etc. And might help to announce it on the KS geeklist so people know you exist.

3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Terence Jones
Australia
flag msg tools
Here Be Dragons!

Here Be Dragons is an action packed, fun card game in which you Control a group of dragon hunters Hired to fight the dragon plaguing a small village. Collect the parts to your weapons and attack the dragon but beware some of your fellow hunters may have their own agenda.

You’ll face a fire breathing dragon, a selfish hunter who want the glory for himself and if your unlucky you may find yourself in the presence of a Dragon Worshipper who wishs to assist the dragon in destroying you and the village. But don’t worry, you’ll have access to the villages supplies to build weapons to combat the dragon and to dodge its fiery wrath. Like the crossbow, the sword, and what good dragon story wouldn't be complete without a maiden.

Can you bring down this flying menace and earn the respect a dragon hunter richly deserves? Remember even pigs can fly with the right propulsion and a small person can bring down a flying beasty with the right weapon.

Cost: funding goal: $2000.
Game Cost: $40
http://www.pozible.com/project/14885
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Armoured-Penguin/330832863694...
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brian Frahm
United States
Queen Creek
AZ
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
Hi Terence,

I am not familiar with Pozible.com's feature set for projects. I suggest that you describe the game play, post the rules, and if possible add a video element (either game play or discussion of it). I would be hard pressed to pay A$40 (or US$40) based on the limited amount of information you have on the project page.

That said, kudos for making an attempt to get your game to market.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
John Farrell
Australia
Rozelle
New South Wales
flag msg tools
Averagely Inadequate
badge
Buster Keaton from 'Go West'
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Terence, I'm here to help.

* In the about section the title is "Here Be Dradons!" DRADONS! You should have quotes, you should spell the name of your game correctly.

* Random capitalisation of "Control", "Hired", "uk".

* Spelling mistakes of "selfish hunter who want the glory", "who wishs to assist", "its fiery wrath", "if your unlucky", "thankyou", "worshiper"

* You need to use hyphens and quotation marks.

Without looking very closely at all, it's extremely unprofessional and I wouldn't put my money anywhere near this project.
3 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Terence Jones
Australia
flag msg tools
Ok so fixed the name and put in quotes
fixed the capitalisations (i tend to do that for some reason)
fixed the spelling misteaks
Added in a Game Play section describing a typical turn.

any other suggestions are more then welcome
Thank you for your help
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Andrew Rowse
New Zealand
Wellington
flag msg tools
designer
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Friendless wrote:
* Spelling mistakes of "selfish hunter who want the glory", "who wishs to assist", "its fiery wrath", "if your unlucky", "thankyou", "worshiper"


Argh!

'Its fiery wrath' WAS correct. You don't use apostrophes for possessives for 'it'. He's changed it to 'dodge it's fiery wrath', which is completely wrong.

Far less important, but 'worshiper' is also correct, albeit predominantly a US spelling.

But I do agree with John - the copy leaves a lot to be desired, and doesn't inspire confidence.
2 
 Thumb up
1.00
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Terence Jones
Australia
flag msg tools
ok so ive changed it's back to its but seriously

' the copy leaves a lot to be desired, and doesn't inspire confidence.'
really doesn't help much
TELL me what you think i could do to improve it
thats what im asking for feedback

i'm working on getting some video done and im waiting on a logo graphic for the top. (which should be done in the next day or two)

but please tell me how you think i can improve it rather then just saying 'its unprofessional looking'

Thankyou
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Brian P Lewis
United Kingdom
Torquay
Unspecified
flag msg tools
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
What some project owners forget is that the project page is the gateway to their game, it might be the only thing a person looks at to decide whether to back it or not.

There is a risk in backing any game this way, by having "copy" that has a few errors, in both spelling and grammar means people will wonder whether the rules will be the same, will the rules themselves be any good, if the project owner has not taken their time in getting this "copy " right, it being the "copy" that they are using to try and sell the game, will they rush other aspects of the game.

So his advice to clean up the Copy,(check spelling and grammar) was very good.

 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
John Farrell
Australia
Rozelle
New South Wales
flag msg tools
Averagely Inadequate
badge
Buster Keaton from 'Go West'
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
KAndrw wrote:
'Its fiery wrath' WAS correct.


blush

If I wasn't so annoyed by the whole page I might have not made that mistake.

Remaining mistakes:

* who's wish
* next players turn
* incoporated
* incase
* Starwars
* Startrek
* were pirates

Summary: get a friend to check your copy before you post it. Make it professional-looking. Also, the Bar Wench thing is not acceptable. The feminists will eat you alive.

1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Terence Jones
Australia
flag msg tools
Ok im going to fix the above items
I have just hired a new artist so i should have some artwork soon to give it some substance.
gonna get it re-proof read as clearly the last person i got to check it is as bad as me at grammer.

Im just gonna say this about the Bar Wench thing.
The game has a clear medieval style setting so if any feminists try to eat me i'll hand them a history book as a starter.
People who have play tested "here Be Dragons!" have all loved the Bar wench card. and several of the testers were female.
 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Julian Clarke
Australia
Canberra
ACT
flag msg tools
www.unhalfbricking.com
badge
EuroGamer since 1980, & online games retailer since 2003
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Quote:
# Date TBD. Your responsible for transport to geelong, victoria (pickup from geelong trainstation can be provided)


# Date TBD. You're responsible for transport to Geelong, Victoria (pick-up from Geelong train station can be provided)

Almost every sentence has a grammatical or spelling error. This would lead me to the conclusion that the cards will be ill-written & probably there will be frequent ambiguities in the rules.

I know it sounds snarky, but you want advice - I'd suggest that you get someone else to write all text involved with the game & its promotion. Explain what you want to say & get them to express it clearly. It is no crime to be better at designing a game than expressing it in clear, concise, unambiguous English which is grammatically correct & spelled right. Horses for courses & all that.
1 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Greg
United Kingdom
flag msg tools
designer
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Julian is pretty much on the money here. I just clicked through and if that's how your campaign looks after several revisions it's time to bring in a writer.

If you do get into a social equality argument I'd recommend not attempting "I was trying for historical accuracy" as a defence for a dragon slaying game. I guess it is marginally better than "Women are some sort of homogonous blob so if a handful say it's okay I'm fine."
2 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Stephen Rochelle
United States
Huntsville
Alabama
flag msg tools
badge
Avatar
mbmbmbmbmb
Echoing the above, the copy still needs a complete overhaul. In addition to the issues with grammar and spelling, the presentation needs to be tightened with regard to what you're talking about currently. For example, why does a board game buyer care that you adopted the name "Armoured Penguin" 5 years ago for cosplay stuff? That's at best irrelevant to this project. More likely, the conclusion will be that AP is the cutesy name you apply to whatever piques your interest at the current moment, not a professional-caliber gaming enterprise. Of the whole "who made it?" section, the first sentence is the only thing I'd retain. Follow that with a whole new section that explains why AP is qualified to make a board game I want to front money for.

The project also needs hard game details available. Show me the rules. Show me cards. Show me a sample turn. Show me how the game behaves with 1 player versus many.

Third, while there's certainly nothing wrong with finding a separate writer to do the heavy lifting for your copy, bear in mind that everything you post as AP or as promotional material for HBD impacts your image. Even if you've got a world-class project on Pozible tomorrow, everybody who finds it via this thread on BGG (which I assume is the only current link from BGG) is going to come up with the same concerns about the game professionalism based on the quality of your posts here. You and your work are judged on such things.

And finally, all this still leaves out the general "this is way too late in the process for this thread" commentary. These are issues that should have been worked out before the project went live. Assuming Pozible's project performance looks like Kickstarter's, be prepared to cancel, postpone, and then re-launch the project once you have properly laid the groundwork.
4 
 Thumb up
 tip
 Hide
  • [+] Dice rolls
Front Page | Welcome | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | Support BGG | Feeds RSS
Geekdo, BoardGameGeek, the Geekdo logo, and the BoardGameGeek logo are trademarks of BoardGameGeek, LLC.