Well, I'm (sometimes) man enough to know when I've been whupped. And last night was one of those times. I haven't seen such a dominating performance since the 1985 Chicago Bears. Chester "Iron Cornjob" Ogborn schooled four of us repeatedly all night long...
Sure, it started out with a simple three player game of Ra, in which my third period score was actually higher than either other player's Final Score... Chester placed second as the scores rolled in 49, 32, 2... But that was just the pre-season, and as we all know, the pre-season don't mean Ditka.
Once our fourth player, Phil, showed up, the regular season kicked into gear, and Chester put his game plan into overdrive.
1st Quarter: Keythedral came up first, and despite some rules ambiguities about some of the Law Cards, upon further review, there was insufficient contextual evidence to overturn the call we made on the field. The on-spot rulings benefited Chester in the long run, but even without those interpretations, he played a dazzling game with stellar defense and a coordinated offensive assault on adjacent resources. Chester reeled in 63 pts, with Chris and Jay tying for 2nd with 52... Poor Phil, the latecomer, wobbled in with 45 pts.
2nd Quarter: A brief but bloody game of Mall of Horror ensued. Rather than mix it up, Chester let everyone else duke it out for victim votes and goods from the truck out in the parking lot, and he "evaded" his way to a solid victory, scoring 8 points, while Chris and Phil -- rather than kill one of Chester's pieces and create a closer game *and* a 3-way tie for 2nd -- opted to kill Jay's last character on the final game, figuring a 2-way tie for second felt a lot better than a 3-way tie for Not First.
3rd Quarter: Next up, we decided to put Chester's steel like nerves and coordination to the test with some competitive Hamsterolle, which went over surprisingly well. With surgical precision, Chester carried Phil into a joint team victory. Chris and Jay quickly called for a rematch and won the second game, which was the only thing that kept Chester undefeated (hence the comparison to the Bears and not the Dolphins).
4th Quarter: Switching gears to see how well Chester would adapt to relentless assaults from all sides, we moved on to El Grande. Despite an early scoring drive, Jay quickly fell by the wayside as Chester and Phil crushed everyone in their way. Chris and I thought the team/coop game was over once we finished Hamsterolle, but apparently they didn't get the message. The final scores were an amazing Chester/Phil tied for 1st with 117, Chris in 3rd with 86 and me dragging ass with 85. And up until the 7th round, I actually thought I was doing well!
Over Time: Hoping to exact a bit of revenge, I called for a game fix, pulling out the real ringer in my collection -- X-Bugs. Phil tried to warn the others I was pretty good, but considering his usual blowhard comments, they figured it was all a setup to highlight even more of my ineptitude. Chester and I were teamed up together, and a few well-placed shots by my Flyborgs quickly drove Phil out of the game... Then Chester and I double-teamed Chris until we finally cracked his tough defense and destroyed the final base needed for victory. I can't help but wonder -- did Chester win this final game because he was on my team, or did I only win because I was paired up with Chester? Analysts unanimously felt it was the latter.
Regardless, it was an amazing display of gamesmanship, strategy, derring-do and other superlatives. Look for the "Cornjob Shuffle" coming soon to an ESPN near you.